To ask your opinion on this #WorldBreastfeedingWeek debate

[Napqueen1234]

Sorry if this sounds childish referred to social media etc but interested to canvas opinions.

A friend of mine shared a post on Instagram re world breastfeeding week about how it’s the best thing for baby and mum, so proud she could do it, perseverance etc. She’s a very zealous breastfeeder generally (and why not!) and was a good person to go to for advice when I was struggling although did say she was ‘disappointed I had given in’ after 2 months. Anyway!

Another friend then shared a post about Fed Is Best (she struggled bf and switched to formula and has always found it difficult seeing bf women, a lot of guilt and sadness that I feel she needs to process somehow) and how WBW is just another stick to beat ‘failed breast feeders’ with and anyone who wants to breastfeed gets loads of support from midwives etc and generally society nowadays so it isn’t needed.

Both have since messaged me about the other stating they are upset (we are a close group of 4, the other doesn’t have DC so I suppose I’m mediator). Friend one feels like this is one week where BF should be celebrated and acknowledged is better. Friend two feels mother’s should be more understanding to the feelings of those that couldn’t breastfeed and not ‘brag’.

I have remained fairly moderate and tried to calm things but who do you think is right?

YABU- it’s world breastfeeding week! It’s best let them have their moment.

YANBU- it can make women feel very sad who didn’t bf or who ‘failed’ so social media posts should be mindful of this.

@OrangeSlices998 www.diabetesincontrol.com/breastfeeding-helps-to-prevent-type-1-diabetes/

@WheresMyMilk sorry I know I was just carrying on the discussion!

@Purpleartichoke

The vast majority of women could successfully breastfeed if they are properly supported. Women who try and do not succeed did not fail, they were failed. That is why advocacy remains so important. Until women are truly supported by partners, family, hospitals, and society at large, women who want to breastfeed but fail will still exist.

This is more or less what I was going to say. OP said her friend struggled and gave up. I'd suggest that it was not her body that let her down, but the support she didn't get.

Her grief should be recognised but not to the extent of keeping quiet about a celebration of breast feeding.

I contributed to another debate on breastfeeding earlier in the week. I recalled how sad I was when the Scottish Parliament passed a law that meant breastfeeding was a mother's right in public places. Sad that the law was needed.

I mean it’s both really. Because yes it CAN make people who weren’t able to breastfeed feel sad BUT it’s world breastfeeding week and breastfeeding gets a lot of stick for being unacceptable in public so is it so hard to let them have their moment?

I breastfed both of my kids, I have two sisters in law one breastfed one bottle fed. My best friend bottle fed. That’s 4 women with 8 children between us and ALL of those children were perfectly happy and healthy with how they were fed. Of course breastfeeding is the best, easiest and cheapest option IF it works for you. If it doesn’t then what matters is that the baby is fed without making a very stressed and upset mother. However having breastfed both my kids exclusively I got a LOT of comments and abuse for daring to feed my child in public even wearing one of the bras with a nipple hole so that no one could see anything. So honesty there’s pros and cons both ways.

I'd stay neutral. I breastfed but I never harped on about it. I agree with your friend- fed and being looked after properly is best. I was a bottle-fed baby 40-odd years ago and I achieved well academically and am a good weight.

This is the best breastfeeding response I have ever read.

Why would it matter to anyone else that I used formula from day one? Could I have bf? probably but I didn’t try. Do I regret it - no - DC’s are healthy and of all the things to consider when DC’s were growing up; how they were fed in the first few months of their lives, it isn’t worth worrying about.

Ignore that. It was a response to a particular post but went wrong

I have the view if you haven’t got anything nice to say you shouldn’t say it. I have the view no one persons opinion should be used to make another Feel small or less of a person 😊

I can never understand why people take offence to specific weeks are highlighting things whether it be breastfeeding or national tea week or whatever. It’s not against those who don’t BF or drink tea ffs Rates of BF in UK are very low so it’s to raise awareness support and funding I’d imagine.

@Kaiserin

I'd say YANBU because the current breastfeeding dogma is massively counterproductive: it creates undue pressure, guilt, unrealistic expectations, ... which all contribute to low breastfeeding rates in the long run, and poorly fed babies in the short run (when new mums desperately try, struggle, get excessively stressed, blame themselves, keep trying... and make themselves and their babies sick as a result)

Facts: (didn't check recently, but fairly sure that hasn't changed)

1. most women in the UK plan to breastfeed from day one
2. by 3 months, most babies in the UK are no longer significantly breastfed

No amount of chanting "breast is best" will change this. This approach is not working.
If people were serious about encouraging breastfeeding, they would try to identify the systemic obstacles which prevent it. I'd bet it starts in the postnatal wards from hell. And is made worse by the pathetically low numbers of fathers who take more than 2 weeks of parental leave. And the fact their extended family now often lives far away.

The bottom line is that breastfeeding women are absolutely not physically supported. Then don't need leaflets or slogans. They need expert practical advice, and rest, and plenty of food, so that they can be in top shape, establish feeding early, and sustain it. In practice they need "slaves" (kind relatives) around the house to look after them, and handle all the chores, and keep an eye on the baby while they get some sleep...
Some lucky superladies may manage without all this, but for most... This is why breastfeeding fails. Not enough genuine support that matters.
THIS is what people should be talking about during breastfeeding week (that, and mastitis, and scabbed nipples... and nipples shields, and breast pumps... and tongue tie, and how to tell from the colour of your newborn's poo whether they're getting adequate nutrition or not... and whether you should even bother with breastfeeding bras and breast pads, or just wear baggy t-shirts and change them every few hours, etc., etc.)

You're my hero. This the best post on this topic I have ever read.

Breastfeeding is great if it works out, but if it doesn't there is formula. Women who feel guilty that they couldn't breastfeed need to realise that they shouldn't be feeling guilty! Their misplaced guilt isn't a reason not to encourage other mothers to breast feed.
People should just be supportive of one another. It's perfectly fine to say breast is best and still support someone who doesn't breast feed.

I almost didn't BF with first DS and overstand why it's so easy to give up- feelings of guilt etc etc, letting baby down, letting the concept of B is best down . . . Mum's who want to BF need as much help, encouragement and support as poss, especially for first time, nowadays the support is generally not there. When I had DS 3, literally had no milk, so had no choice. Had DS 4, my dairy was back on track. Having had the no-milk saga, was a revelation and helped me not judge others who decide not to or simply can't BF. I do however support WBW as long as it is mindful of those who have struggled.

BF is lovely and wonderful if you can. For those of us who couldn't like myself, there is still a huge amount of pressure placed on it and you are made to feel like you're not good enough for not being able to BF. Saying that, the midwives in the neonatal unit were the only ones who weren't judgemental and said as long as baby gets the milk, that's all that matters.

Yes it is hard to watch others get so much joy from BF but celebrate away... I got to sleep though the night while my OH did the bottles!

I am not of strong opinion (although I've seen evidence that formula can lead to obesity in adulthood). It is far more important that breastfeeding isn't held up as in some way dangerous as I've seen on FB. People suggesting if you don't give formula your baby will become ill. Stay out of this one, unless they start being extremist in their camps.

Could you forward the evidence you have on formula feeding and obesity? Thanks

I understand the health benefits to both mother and baby but I do think (having BF one and FF the other) it makes absolutely no different in bonding. In fact I remember feeling more cuddly maternal feedings snuggling up giving a bottle than I did breastfeeding but perhaps that was the odd angle DC had to be in to feed. It makes me sad when people mention bonding as I feel so close to both my DC.

Also interested in the research outlining the increase in instance of obesity in adults who were formula fed a few decades before.

I think mum and baby need to do what’s best for them and other people need to stop being so judgy tbh. It should be encouraged but if a mother doesn’t want to or can’t BF then that’s their choice. To be disappointed in someone that Bf for 2 months is ridiculous. I think that’s brilliant! You managed 2 months and gave your baby what you felt was best. Bottle feeding shouldn’t be frowned upon by anyone as it’s none of their business. I BF all 3 of mine for varying times (switched to bottle at 4 1/2 months with my first due to supply). With each pregnancy after my first the supply got better and stronger and I fed them for longer. They decided before 12 months they’d had enough (No.2 almost bit my nipple of twice...he was done 🙈😂)

Bottom line...encouragement is fine, making someone feel bad for bottle or breastfeeding is not!

Neither. Stay neutral and tell them both in no uncertain terms that is where you will be staying on the subject.

Both of them are being unreasonable to try and rally support on such an emotive topic, therefore putting others squarely in the middle.

I actually can't bear this level on zealotry on what is a VERY personal choice and I certainly do not tolerate it on social media.

I would tell both of them to pack it in immediately or risk being unfriended in all senses of the word.

Stay neutral!

It is up to each individual woman, either way works!

I breastfed mine because I was able to. And was too lazy to get up and heat up a bottle. Have a friend - aged about 60 - who was weaned on carnation milk, I kid you not. While not recommending it, shows all options can raise a person to adulthood. And advanced age!

You are right. There is not enough support or research with women's health so far down the line. This week is too highlight these issues with breastfeeding. Did you know pediatricians only receive 30 minutes of training around infant feeding?

I think anything that promotes breastfeeding has to be a good thing. And why shouldn’t I be proud I breastfed my oldest till over 2 and I am still breastfeeding my youngest (2 years). I didn’t have an easy ride with either. Both were tongue tied. My oldest struggled to latch on at all to begin with and I had to stay 5 days in an awful ward over new year when it was ridiculously under staffed. Once she was able to latch she just wanted to be on the breast constantly and I mean constantly. My youngest was able to latch, but it was absolute agony every time. Within 3 weeks I had mastitis and was put on antibiotics. At 5 weeks I was hospitalised with near sepsis due to a kidney infection (complication from c section). She had to be bottle fed by DH that night as she wasn’t allowed onto the ward. I had to express while in the grip of severe fever. I have never felt so cold in all my life yet temp was 40 plus. Thankfully I got moved onto a ward the next day where she was able to join me. Still being told I needed to drink lots of water and go to the toilet every couple of hours while being ill and dealing with a small baby who needed lots of milk was more than difficult. Yet I stuck with it and in the long run it has been massively to both my DD’s benefit and my own.

I hear quite often that people have given up because it was ‘too hard’. Yes for the vast majority it is hard in the first few months. Stick with it though and it is more than worth it. Maybe more needs to be done to manage people’s expectations of what BF involves. One week/month you’re going through hell. The next it can feel like the most amazing natural thing in the world. Op maybe your friend meant it from a good place that she was disappointed you stopped. Maybe she meant she was disappointed for you, because if you had have stayed with it that bit long you would have been glad that you did.

@RoseLillian I guess it really depends on the person. That’s the point; don’t assume to know what another woman would feel about persevering against difficulties. You can’t be sure they would think it was worth it. For example, I have at least one friend who I know simply did not consider it worth all the hassle in the end.

You’re glad you stuck with it through the huge challenges you overcame. Honestly? I think you’re crazy. nothing would have been worth that for me.

I just refuse to subjugate my needs to that of my child to that extent. Selfish? Probably. Doesn’t make a shit mother, though. I was a person before I was a mother, I know my limits and I am sure that I would never be prepared to go through all you did for breastfeeding. It simply is not worth that much to me.