To ask your opinion on this #WorldBreastfeedingWeek debate

[Napqueen1234]

Sorry if this sounds childish referred to social media etc but interested to canvas opinions.

A friend of mine shared a post on Instagram re world breastfeeding week about how it’s the best thing for baby and mum, so proud she could do it, perseverance etc. She’s a very zealous breastfeeder generally (and why not!) and was a good person to go to for advice when I was struggling although did say she was ‘disappointed I had given in’ after 2 months. Anyway!

Another friend then shared a post about Fed Is Best (she struggled bf and switched to formula and has always found it difficult seeing bf women, a lot of guilt and sadness that I feel she needs to process somehow) and how WBW is just another stick to beat ‘failed breast feeders’ with and anyone who wants to breastfeed gets loads of support from midwives etc and generally society nowadays so it isn’t needed.

Both have since messaged me about the other stating they are upset (we are a close group of 4, the other doesn’t have DC so I suppose I’m mediator). Friend one feels like this is one week where BF should be celebrated and acknowledged is better. Friend two feels mother’s should be more understanding to the feelings of those that couldn’t breastfeed and not ‘brag’.

I have remained fairly moderate and tried to calm things but who do you think is right?

YABU- it’s world breastfeeding week! It’s best let them have their moment.

YANBU- it can make women feel very sad who didn’t bf or who ‘failed’ so social media posts should be mindful of this.

And why shouldn’t I be proud I breastfed my oldest till over 2 and I am still breastfeeding my youngest (2 years).

Be proud by all means, but nobody else needs to hear it do they? Women need proper help to breastfeed, not thinly veiled brags.

I think the idea we came up with about a 1-2 week maternity hospital stay was a good one.

in the long run it has been massively to both my DD’s benefit and my own

How? I'm not being facetious but what do you mean in the long run?

@RoseLillian that is quite some journey and well done for perseverance. It’s not the case for everyone that it gets easier and I suppose people do have different tolerances- I’m not sure I’d have managed to continue in your circumstances.

I sometimes think that when people opt for elective c-sections as they’re anxious about birth. I had two amazing births such positive experiences and sometimes think it’s a shame people could miss out on that for them. Would I ever say a word if a friend said they had decided on a elective c-section. Absolutely not. Her choice.

@Piglet89

I know theres no way I wouldve tried to make myself breastfeed through that total nightmare. I wouldve focussed on getting my strength up so I could go home and cuddle my newborn. Why have babies just to martyr yourself and miss the good bits? I could understand if it was some kind of health guarantee, but it isnt even close.

@Napqueen1234 I agree OP, it's like caesarean-shaming, people saying they missed out on an amazing experience etc. Like they had a choice in the matter

@RoseLillian just listen to yourself. Seriously, who do you think you are?
You don't get a badge for breastfeeding and your illnesses/hospital experiences aren't uncommon. To claim to know that a woman would have been glad to stick with something that was not working and that she didn't want to continue with, and that shitty comments from her friend were coming from a good place is absolutely disgraceful. I'm disgusted by your comments.

I was always proud formula feeding my DC’s - looking at this perfect little person I’d produced. You can be proud however you feed your DC’s. Breast or formula you are giving them an excellent start in life.

@Wolfgirrl 100%. Vaginal births = better for baby statistically but almost everyone I know who had an emergency section opted for an elective the second time. Because it’s safer and better for THEM. As the mother. Which in itself is perfectly legitimate and a good reason. Why can’t this logic apply to BF.

I’m sorry you had a difficult time @RoseLillian and you should definitely feel proud you stuck at it. However I didn’t like the way you put ‘too hard’ in inverted commas as though it wasn’t in fact too hard.

Your experience is yours to remember and process how you wish but that comment came across as disparaging to women who did find it too hard.

Experiences like that of @RoseLillian drive the “too hard” in inverted commas thing. Because she obviously thought that only something very extreme would have made her stop. So women who didn’t go to the huge lengths she went to didn’t try hard enough, in her mind.

Listen, if you want to go to those lengths, go for your life. But just try to avoid judging other women who don’t and thinking they didn’t try enough (because I think your efforts are, frankly, extreme).

The next it can feel like the most amazing natural thing in the world.

The emphasis has to be on "can" though. Dc1 was a natural. I still hated every single repulsive second though. Stuck it out for 16 week awful weeks and honestly looking back I think I must have been mad.

Blimey

The heights of Martyrdom were truly reached there.

I think it’s really important to get the message out there that “breast is best”, because so many people, partners, grandparents, even doctors and nurses, still don’t have sufficient knowledge on this to adequately support mothers.

It’s about changing peoples mind-sets.

We’ve been so brain-washed by formula companies only interested in making money at the expense of our children’s health. And so many mothers give up because of what others say or think!

Of course we should be sensitive to those mothers who could not breastfeed and no one should tell anyone how to feed their child or how to raise their child. There’s too many opinions on everything when it comes to kids!

But whether you could do it, or not, please ensure you send the same message out that yes, breastfeeding is best, it is natural and normal. Please talk about it and don’t feel bad if you couldn’t do it. There will be plenty more mummy guilt emotions to come in life!

How you spread this message will not only impact millions of children’s health but also how our future generations see breast feeding.

We’ve been so brain-washed by formula companies only interested in making money at the expense of our children’s health.

This is bollocks. Almost everyone knows breast milk is better for babies than formula. It’s clearly touted by the NHS in a massive, well-publicised campaign.

I say each to their own I don't believe either are better. I was going to breastfeed with my first but didn't because I had stitches and was sore. I asked in the hospital about breastfeeding my second and was asked how long I would breastfeed for and I said about a month and was told it wasn't worth it. I lost my confidence so never asked again even though I had an acquaintance who could help.

Sorry, I should not have put too hard in commas. I meant it more as a term of speech rather than a dig. Though I can see how it probably came across.For the record I don’t generally go around talking about BF. If someone asks me directly in real life I respond. Most people wouldn’t know I still BF my 2 year old. So I certainly don’t go around gloating. If a friend told me they had given up BF after 2 months. I would have felt it was a shame unless there was a strong reason they had given up. Because generally speaking the first weeks and months are the hardest. I would not have responded how Ops friend did though, as I know it is a sensitive issue. As I said I don’t think most new mothers realise that breastfeeding to begin with is hard for a lot of people. I certainly didn’t. Therefore they are not prepared. Which probably makes a lot of people think it will always be like that. For most it gets a lot easier. For those who have asked why I think it was worth it even going through difficulty. It is because for the price of a few months difficulty I have had years of lovely time to bond with my children (I am not saying you can’t bond in other ways). For me though it is a lovely time. For me also I feel I have done my best to give them a good start (I am really not trying to have a dig or saying those who haven’t breastfed aren’t trying to give there child the best start).

Anyway, op asked for opinions and I thought it valid to share mine and my experience. Not everyone has to agree of course.

We’ve been so brain-washed by formula companies only interested in making money at the expense of our children’s health

I actually don't know a single person who has been brainwashed by formula companies. Your comment sounds like that of an anti-vaxer, conspiracy theorist. What exactly are formula companies doing to our children's health? Formula isn't poison. You would not be able to tell tbe difference between 5 year olds who had been breast and formula fed, let alone adults. Breast fed babies still get ill, obese, suffer from special needs, encounter difficulties, the same as everyone else. You sound like the brainwashed one to me.

@MerlinTheWizard - where is all this brain washing by formula companies only interested in making money at the expense of our children’s health? Why would someone feel guilty for not choosing to breast feed or was unable to? Believe or not, formula is excellent for babies.

It’s about changing peoples mind-sets

Why?
Whats wrong with women who dont want to and are happy to FF
We dont WANT a mindset change and we should be allowed to say so.

We’ve been so brain-washed by formula companies only interested in making money at the expense of our children’s health. And so many mothers give up because of what others say or think!
Bullshit, we not brainwashed
I was subjected to feeling like a mere cow cos the midwives were BF at all costs and forced by guilt and judgement to try cos of what others thing and SAID
That wasnt formula company brainwashing, that was midwife BULLYING. They are brainwashed to see women as mere objects and not people with needs too

I actually think the militant 'BF at all costs' bullies are far more brainwashed.

• Whats wrong with women who dont want to and are happy to FF We dont WANT a mindset change and we should be allowed to say so.*

What about the women who want to and are given wrong advice and bad support and stop when they don't want to? It's for them too.

What I wish it focused on was that it should be normal to breastfeed in public if you choose.

When I had my first, I was determined to breastfeed. It meant doing little else for 3 months. I can't recall leaving the house. I found it so all consuming that I decided to stop and FF instead for my mental health.
However.... bottle refusal! I can't tell you how stressful it was 'fed is best' when mine would go nil by mouth and scream to high heaven at a bottle sometimes a whole day with nothing until I gave in. I tried leaving the house for hubby to try in case she could 'smell' me. A year it went on for, so no nights out or breaks for me, hourly wake ups for the first year of life... It was 24/7 and nearly took my sanity, i rarely left the house unless there was somewhere I would be able to hide or sit in a cubicle so as not to make anybody else uncomfortable. So yes, bf mothers do need that support to normalise it.
I had a csection and a preemie, I'd have loved a natural birth with all the benefits it brings and look at women who were able to with awe. I also have a friend training for a marathon, the sacrifice and lifestyle changes she's had to make are something I just could never be so dedicated to. The selfricheous bitch.

Honestly, I still can’t believe this is even up for debate. I bf my son until 7 weeks, no issues. Then he was suddenly diagnosed with a congenital heart defect, was hospitalised and had to be tube fed. His fluid intake then had to be monitored precisely (as too much would put damaging pressure on the heart). So bf was out, and he was therefore bottle fed on a high calorie formula for 4 months until it was safe for him to be operated on. Needless to say, after that he rejected me (but after all that stress I wasn’t going to even try creating more by pushing it).

Essentially, formula saved his life. It also put into perspective how unimportant bf was in the context of his overall well-being - if I was told that Diet Coke was key to keeping him alive, then fine. That’s really all that mattered. He’s perfect now.

What made me sad was going to mummy groups afterwards and having to rehash the above out to justify why I was bottle feeding. No mum should have to justify their chosen feeding methods.

Formula saves some babies lives. Their mums just cannot produce enough milk, or breast feeding just isn’t working for other health reasons.
Some mums just don’t want to breastfeed as a matter of lifestyle choice. It’s a free country and it’s their body their choice.
Breastfeeding isn’t always easy, there is still some stigma. It’s reasonable to give mothers who persevere and make it work a pat on the back. They are entitled to feel proud and to encourage others.
It’s obviously not ideal to start life on a highly processed diet. Live food that is full of omega3 and good bacteria to feed the baby’s gut, is clearly better.