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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Four-month-old baby demanding my attention

96 replies

tiredandunoriginal · 05/08/2020 15:25

I have a beautiful, happy, smiley, sociable baby who sleeps through the night, feeds well and loves a cuddle. I love him to bits and couldn’t feel more lucky! (Apart from post natal mental health issues - can’t have it all!).

I’m a FTM and just wondering if this is normal - he’s started constantly demanding my attention and it’s mainly mine, not DP’s. I haven’t been able to do anything today because even if I leave the room to go to the toilet he screams for me. But it’s more of a shouty cry as if he’s having a go at me for it! (He is such a character!).

Today has been especially hard because if I’m not doing what he wants (aka putting him down instead of holding him) he will cry. He knows what he’s doing because when he starts getting his own way he starts laughing and smiling! He’s so clever. Right now he’s laying next to me and I’ve just managed to make some lunch, but he won’t let me eat it! He doesn’t even properly cry it genuinely sounds like he’s just annoyed with me.

My question is - is this normal? I know he’s only four months old but just wanted to see if this is a phase, as I’m a FTM and not really sure, as he hasn’t been like it before. As I write this he is stamping his feet on the bed! Anything I can do to make it easier? Really appreciate any advice!

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 05/08/2020 15:27

Get a sling. Then you can make and eat lunch without putting him down if he wants to be held.

GlummyMcGlummerson · 05/08/2020 15:29

He's four months old. With all due respect, what did you expect? And he prefers you because not only do you spend the most time with him, he came from your womb (look up fourth trimester). Count yourself lucky he's sleeping through the night and enjoy the cuddles

Covert20 · 05/08/2020 15:29

It’s certainly normal (although clearly not all babies are the same). He’s probably just bored and wants you to fix that!

Ohfredcomeon · 05/08/2020 15:30

I think he wants a bite of your lunch Grin

Sling and move him around the house with you as your doing stuff. Keep talking to him through out. Even if it’s just crap.

HavelockVetinari · 05/08/2020 15:30

Sorry OP, that sounds very normal. He's out of the 'fourth trimester' where he mainly ate and slept, and now he needs entertainment. I'm sorry covid has ruined mat leave, usually baby groups are a lifesaver at times like this.

If you really have to get things done, bring him with you in his bouncy chair or whatever and let him watch you. Or pop him in a sling. Get out and about as much as possible for your own sanity!

mummyoneboy19 · 05/08/2020 15:30

Hi - it’s 100% normal! Have you got a sling you could pop them in? If not have a look at kidamajig (they’ve a close caboo on sale currently) or even on amazon, they’re really helpful for getting stuff done when babies are having clingy phases.

I found 4 months to be the time they’re becoming a lot more aware, so they’re keen to explore and observe the world but still need the safety and security of you close by :)

You mention mental health issues, are you getting support for these? If not, please do! I didn’t and I really did struggle as a result (and still do sometimes).

Lastly, please try to keep at the forefront of your mind that it’s just a phase :) it’s hard in the moment but the moment really does pass quickly (luckily sometimes!) xx

Original poster
tiredandunoriginal · 05/08/2020 15:31

@GlummyMcGlummerson I was simply asking for advice, not complaining. There’s no need to be rude!

OP posts:
morriseysquif · 05/08/2020 15:31

He is a baby......and he wants his mum. This is it, motherhood, really, you had no idea??? Grin

ChaBishkoot · 05/08/2020 15:32

It’s separation anxiety. He has no sense of object permanence (google it). In his world if you go to the loo it’s the same as being abandoned forever (yes babies are dramatic!). His brain can’t differentiate.
I would offer lots of reassurance. When you leave the room or put him down, tell him what you are doing, reassure him you are there and if you come back say again and again, ‘Mummy always comes back.’ ‘See, Mummy came back.’
Also playing lots of peekaboo games helps with developing the idea of object permanence.

And if he’s not properly crying but just grizzling away, let him. It’s fine for them not to be picked up instantly. If you had an older child you needed to give lunch to, the younger one would automatically be left to grizzle for a bit. It does them no harm.

AntiAuntieAnty · 05/08/2020 15:32

Definitely normal! Mine did this and never slept at night either 😩😩😩.

Original poster
tiredandunoriginal · 05/08/2020 15:32

It is a drastic change in his behaviour so I just wanted to know if this was a normal stage/phase or whether there’s something I need to change. Thank you for everyone who has offered their advice! Grin

OP posts:
Redkite11 · 05/08/2020 15:33

I have a 4 month old and he is also getting more clingy although not to the same extent as yours. I use an App called The Wonder Weeks which describes a baby's mental development in stages and it says that this is a normal phase at this age. It claims that this phase will go on until around 20 weeks old.

HavelockVetinari · 05/08/2020 15:33

@GlummyMcGlummerson that was a bit harsh! OP has said she's a first time mum. Don't be mean.

Jarofflies · 05/08/2020 15:33

Slings are great for this. I used to eat lunch while mine was in it. I used to feel guilty about getting crumbs on her head but she didn't mind 😂

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 05/08/2020 15:34

Its normal. I found when they started crawling and being able to move about a bit more or actually play with toys, they are a little bit less frustrated and a bit more self sufficient

Original poster
tiredandunoriginal · 05/08/2020 15:34

Can anyone suggest a good sling? I have one and I just can’t work it out!!

OP posts:
TempestHayes · 05/08/2020 15:35

Completely normal, but do just crack on. Babies like making noises with their mouths, it doesn't mean they're 'sad' or 'angry' or whatever. Eat your lunch. Leave the room. Let the sound happen. You're doing no harm and you'll be back in a minute. Keep talking, if you like.

Redkite11 · 05/08/2020 15:35

There are some mean people on this thread. We should be supporting each other.

mummyoneboy19 · 05/08/2020 15:35

Which sling do you currently have?

Original poster
tiredandunoriginal · 05/08/2020 15:36

@mummyoneboy19 It’s just one from Amazon I’m not sure of the brand!

OP posts:
mummyoneboy19 · 05/08/2020 15:38

Can you describe it? For instance, is it one you put on with clips and such, or maybe a long piece of stretchy fabric you wrap around you and knot?

ambereeree · 05/08/2020 15:40

4 months is tiny of course he wants you. My two still do this at 2 and 4. It's draining when they always want mummy and follow you around.

ambereeree · 05/08/2020 15:43

Agree with @TempestHayes keep talking and carry on with what you're doing. I didn't manage that well with a sling just used to move them around from room to room on a playmat or chair.

MrsTerryPratchett · 05/08/2020 15:44

@tiredandunoriginal

It is a drastic change in his behaviour so I just wanted to know if this was a normal stage/phase or whether there’s something I need to change. Thank you for everyone who has offered their advice! Grin
The second you get used to one phase, they change. That's parenting. Keeps it interesting!
needaliferaft · 05/08/2020 15:44

This is pretty normal for a baby! Don't forget they're so small and cling to their mothers to be fed; kept warm and to be loved. Its built in survival instincts.

Also at around 4-6 months they begin to figure out they're separate from their mothers which is quite frightening for them.

I suggest having a look at the wonder weeks book or app as it highlights the development leaps babies go through and what you can expect.