Four-month-old baby demanding my attention

[tiredandunoriginal]

I have a beautiful, happy, smiley, sociable baby who sleeps through the night, feeds well and loves a cuddle. I love him to bits and couldn’t feel more lucky! (Apart from post natal mental health issues - can’t have it all!).

I’m a FTM and just wondering if this is normal - he’s started constantly demanding my attention and it’s mainly mine, not DP’s. I haven’t been able to do anything today because even if I leave the room to go to the toilet he screams for me. But it’s more of a shouty cry as if he’s having a go at me for it! (He is such a character!).

Today has been especially hard because if I’m not doing what he wants (aka putting him down instead of holding him) he will cry. He knows what he’s doing because when he starts getting his own way he starts laughing and smiling! He’s so clever. Right now he’s laying next to me and I’ve just managed to make some lunch, but he won’t let me eat it! He doesn’t even properly cry it genuinely sounds like he’s just annoyed with me.

My question is - is this normal? I know he’s only four months old but just wanted to see if this is a phase, as I’m a FTM and not really sure, as he hasn’t been like it before. As I write this he is stamping his feet on the bed! Anything I can do to make it easier? Really appreciate any advice!

Mine all are well past that stage but I do see Sling libraries advertised on Facebook-think you go and try on and people help?

Seems very sensible as every Mum and baby will like a different one!

If you want a sling I'd highly recommend Marsupi. It is a soft wrap (no buckles) and it uses velcro instead of having to tie it or anything. It is basically idiot proof - which is what I needed. Wish I had had it with DD1. So easy to get on and off and really easy to get baby in the correct 'M' position. I used it up to around 8 months, after that I think you would probably need one with more support. I miss having DD2 in it, she was snuggly up against me!

He sounds totally normal btw, he's just getting more aware so realises you're not there.

I'm in the SLING IS YOUR ANSWER camp! Mine was the same but if he was tied to me he'd calm down and I could get on with my life - to some moderate extent at least :)

Best of luck!

Totally normal. Exhausting, but normal. You are the centre of his universe - expect it to continue for a long time to come.

Welcome to the next 18 years of your life.

The only unusual thing you describe is your baby sleeping through.

They usually demand increasingly more if your attention for the first few years before it gradually scales back again.

I had this with my DD and when I had to go back to work I tried to wean her off me by putting her in a nursery for a morning they said had never seen separation anxiety as bad 💐 for you it will pass xx

Completely normal - it's separation anxiety. Bless him he wants his mummy. I'd recommend baby Bjorn, they are easy and quick to use.

I've got a 3 and a half month old, and she does that to my husband when he tries to put her in her bouncer and palm her off with a mobile while he plays video games. I've got to admit, it cracks me up listening to it from the other room . I know exactly the "shouty cry" you mean!

I think it's just that they're getting to an age where they want a bit more stimulation, but they can't really occupy themselves, can they, as they're too young to even hold toys or crawl around, they can't watch telly or anything, so it must be pretty boring for them, so you're their only source of entertainment, and it is a bit exhausting keeping them entertained. I've got friends who say having pets or older children helps, because the baby can watch them running around. But apart from that, I have found it good to just put her in a sling or bouncer so she can watch me do stuff, and keep talking to her and showing her what I'm doing generally keeps her happy until my husband can take over for a bit.

Yeah, pretty normal.

He knows what he’s doing because when he starts getting his own way he starts laughing and smiling! He’s so clever.

Oh love. He doesn't 'know what he's doing'. He knows that he wants his mum and he is happy when he is with you. So many people will tell you that tiny babies are manipulative but their brains just aren't that complex yet. He won't develop object permanence until he's around six months, meaning that he doesn't understand that things and people still exist if he can't see them. It's the reason why controlled crying doesn't work before six months.

It's a good thing - his behaviour is a sign that he is forming a really strong attachment, and it is this security that will give him the confidence to become increasingly independent in the coming years.

You need to stop thinking of your baby as ‘getting his own way’ or manipulating you. That leads to resentment. He’s just a baby, all he knows is he’s happy when you’re holding him, it’s not some game plan to annoy you and he’s not smiling when you pick him up because ‘he’s won’

I was half joking with the he knows what he’s doing - I find it cute! That’s why I put he’s clever haha, it was meant to be jokey. I am a bit worried about the sleeping through thing now as a few of you has said it’s unusual - is that normal? He’s always been a very chilled baby. He’s slept through since nine weeks with the occasional wake up!

@tiredandunoriginal

There's a thread going on parenting about the average age, and I think it worked out that the mean was 15m, and that's for 8 hours straight, not a full 12hr.

My first started sleeping through at 3 (though did at 3m), my youngest isn't at 15m, and that's pretty normal. So sleeping through at 4m whilst not super rare, isn't the norm either.

I agree with you OP that he is clever and knows what he is doing! But in the best possible way!

I think he is figuring out what brings you back to him. I found it very "intense" having baby on or by me whole time with my first, I had adapted to it by the time second one came along.

I held them as much as I could when they were like that, but seem to remember it didn't last so long and once they were able to sit up (with cushions round) or really interact with rattles and things on a playmat, then they were easier put down for time to eat.

Also I did put them propped on my knee so that they could see me and I could look past them to watch an hour of TV. Everyday I would watch a programme from a series. For my first it was Gilmour Girls - my user name is a line from the series .

He has just discovered that you can be on his beck and call if he makes any sound! When my daughter was that age, I used a baby walker so that she could still see me and was easier to move around ( she was a bit of a chunky baby, so was able to sit up nicely in one) it does get easier as they develop. Good luck.

Dw about the haters. I had my first ds2 he was the perfect baby and my 2nd ds9months was the opposite. Would not sit by himself or sleep without being in direct physical contact with me. I fully love him to death but my god that fully killed me. He screamed and screamed until I bit the bullet and sleep trained him the cry it out technique and as soon as I got him into a routine he settled sweetly into it. 4 month is a good age to start xx lots of good help in google and from nhs I think xx good luck

And I bought a baby Bjorn sling as I did research and that is one of the safest ones and supportive of spine and chin to chest to kiss ratio x it was an investment but you can use up to a year

I haven't read all of the replies, so apologies if it's been mentioned already, but I highly recommend.mend did loading the "wonder weeks" app. It gives a really clear insight into baby development and their behaviour during certain times.

Your baby's behaviour is 100% normal for a 4 month old. And for much older babies too.

Mine is 8 months and just as bad now, if not worse. It won't last forever. I find the Fisher price giraffe sit me up seat has been fab, light enough that u can pick it up while holding baby to move to another room and he can quite happily sit there and watch u. I also got a fab baby walker from amazon that has a removavke mat underneath for when they aren't quite at the stage of walking. He absolutely loves it. www.amazon.co.uk/Red-Kite-Round-Twist-Walker/dp/B016NEIV4I/ref=mp_s_a_1_2?dchild=1&keywords=red+kite+baby+walker&sprefix=Red+kite+&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1596656963&sr=8-2

Also a FTM, also had some mental health troubles, and my daughter is nearly 5 months.

There definitely is a change to more demanding and needing more attention around 4 months! What has helped me has been:

Differentiating between crying and what I call “grumpy singing”. If DD is crying, I will absolutely go to her and sort the problem, but if she is grumpy singing and I’m busy I’ll finish what I’m doing before I go and interact - often she has cheered up or fallen asleep in that 2 minutes! It’s hard to put into words but I think we might be talking about the same thing when you say your DS doesn’t really cry? When DD is grumpy singing she isn’t happy but she equally isn’t distressed.

Having a safe place to put her in all the rooms I spend time in, so she can come and help me put out the laundry/be in her bouncer while I’m in the shower.

My partner taking her for a two hour walk at the weekend without me so I get some guaranteed non interrupted time - he also does bedtime so I get some alone time to decompress then too.

When DD started in this more needy/interactive stage it felt really draining, but we’ve found our rhythm again, I’m sure you will too! Good luck!

There’s no issue with sleeping through at all as long as he’s a healthy weight and normally alert when awake. My child slept through 12 hours at about 5 months