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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Four-month-old baby demanding my attention

96 replies

tiredandunoriginal · 05/08/2020 15:25

I have a beautiful, happy, smiley, sociable baby who sleeps through the night, feeds well and loves a cuddle. I love him to bits and couldn’t feel more lucky! (Apart from post natal mental health issues - can’t have it all!).

I’m a FTM and just wondering if this is normal - he’s started constantly demanding my attention and it’s mainly mine, not DP’s. I haven’t been able to do anything today because even if I leave the room to go to the toilet he screams for me. But it’s more of a shouty cry as if he’s having a go at me for it! (He is such a character!).

Today has been especially hard because if I’m not doing what he wants (aka putting him down instead of holding him) he will cry. He knows what he’s doing because when he starts getting his own way he starts laughing and smiling! He’s so clever. Right now he’s laying next to me and I’ve just managed to make some lunch, but he won’t let me eat it! He doesn’t even properly cry it genuinely sounds like he’s just annoyed with me.

My question is - is this normal? I know he’s only four months old but just wanted to see if this is a phase, as I’m a FTM and not really sure, as he hasn’t been like it before. As I write this he is stamping his feet on the bed! Anything I can do to make it easier? Really appreciate any advice!

OP posts:

hellywelly3 · 05/08/2020 16:14

It’s totally normal for him to be like this and for you to feel like this. Children are all consuming. It’s ok to have him cry when you sit and eat your lunch. Just make sure he is somewhere safe like the play mat on the floor or in his cot. I wouldn’t recommend a sling as it’s important to have a little break and it can be overwhelming especially with post natal mental health. X

Susan274 · 05/08/2020 16:22

This reply has been deleted

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eggofmantumbi · 05/08/2020 16:23

My second little girl is about the same age. She's starting to 'find her voice' which sounds angry but it's just her shouting!

PrincessBailey · 05/08/2020 16:24

What is your day to day routine like? How is your baby when you leave them for a nap?
It's so so hard when you can't get anything done.
My little boy is 5 months and, honestly, from 4 months to now I have found incredibly difficult. I know that isn't helpful, but just putting it out there. He has also become pretty demanding and I feel I need to entertain him a lot when he is awake! I am starting to just leave him to it for a few mins at a time, such as leaving him to explore one of his play mats or play gym whilst I do a little tidy, make a cuppa or actually brush my hair for once. I'll be in the same room but just not sticking my face in his. To be honest, he's probably glad of it.
He also started to scream when I left him in his cot to nap at 4 months, possibly sleep regression as his naps were so short. It got that bad and I go so upset hearing scream I ended speaking to a sleep consultant!! I was going bonkers. I did a free consultation at first and then I booked a 30 min convo over the phone, I think it was £30 just to get some ideas and reassurance.
It also doesn't help that our babies haven't seen many people due to lockdown and is so used to seeing your face only.
Not an ideal situation. However, the compliment is that your little one loves spending every second with you!!
Keep us updated!

RenascenceWoman · 05/08/2020 16:25

Sometimes a change of behaviour can indicate an illness he might not be presenting yet, so keep an eye on him. Take his temp.

Either that or he's an evil genius!

FeloniusGru · 05/08/2020 16:28

Absolutely normal, he’s just a baby! Mine is 2 and is still the same I’m afraid 😬 although he doesn’t sleep either...

Liverbird77 · 05/08/2020 16:29

Ignore any sarcastic comments, OP. You've said you are a first time mum. Why would you know these things? I certainly didn't.
If it helps, when my little boy was around 4-5 months he went through a really clingy stage. I couldn't even leave him for thirty seconds to have a wee without tears! It passed. Now he is all about his daddy.
Please just hang in there!

Happyhappyday · 05/08/2020 16:39

I second @hellywelly3, it is ok for you to need to do things and for him to cry for a few minutes, you have needs too!

We have a Tripp Trapp high chair and put Dd in the infant bit of it, it meant she was up at our height and could see what we were doing and that I could move around the kitchen/eat etc.

I did not get on with stretchy slings at all, we have an Ergobaby 360 that was great.

DHW1 · 05/08/2020 16:40

Try the wonder weeks app... I’m not normally one for this type if stuff but so far I’ve found every time my little one has a drastic change in behaviour its been in line with a new leap... I can actually time her to it and beat of all it gives you a view on how long it will last!

Pesimistic · 05/08/2020 16:41

Completely normal,you'll find a way to cope with it as they dont realy stop demanding your attention from now on

Ethelfleda · 05/08/2020 16:43

Yeah he is 4 months old. He is not capable of manipulating you... regardless of how clever he is. It is developmentally normal for a small baby to want to be around his mum. It’s a survival mechanism!! Be prepared for it to last a good while longer yet!
I read when DS was a baby that a mother who doesn’t think they’ll be carrying their child around almost constantly and for at least the first year may well be very disappointed.

MoreListeningLessChatting · 05/08/2020 16:43

It's really annoying that babies aren't like the ones on tv that sit there quietly until they need to be in the shot.

Anyway, sounds like a normal baby... enjoy the lovely time you have with him - it really does fly by

DHW1 · 05/08/2020 16:46

Another from me... just checked the wonder weeks app and four months is right in line with leap 4... “you demand more attention” is one of the key indicators of this leap!

junebug87 · 05/08/2020 16:47

A sling would be really helpful as it will help you to get on whilst giving baby attention. Yes, it is totally normal. I found the baby stage very hard for similar reasons.

Waveysnail · 05/08/2020 16:47

Ring slings are good and much easier

Sheknowsaboutme · 05/08/2020 16:55

Normal but don't give in to him every time. Jumping every time he cries, checking on him all the time. Relax, he knows what he’s doing!

ChikiTIKI · 05/08/2020 16:55

My baby is 4 months old too and often cries when I am not in the room.

Don't know if my first was more aloof, she has always been able to occupy herself a lot, or maybe I was in the room more as I only had the one, I'm not sure.

Thankfully my older one (nearly 3) can play with the baby lots and they smile at each other, older one brings toys etc.

Sometimes you have to put up with a few minutes of crying really I think as long as its just shouting and not genuine distress. You need to prioritise yourself at times, especially when it comes to eating, using the toilet and showering.

Didkdt · 05/08/2020 16:55

Please make sure you're getting all the support you need for your MH. Generally we are all used to getting lots of help support and motivation with babies for the first year especially the early months and lockdown may have got in the way of family and friends and HV MW etc being able to support and give you a boost in the way they might have at other times
A new baby is hard lockdown has been hard you had both at the same time. Don't be afraid to reach out

GinDrinker00 · 05/08/2020 16:56

Welcome to motherhood. 😂
I’d like to say it gets better but.....

81Byerley · 05/08/2020 17:04

He's doing his job! He's being a four month old baby!

Original poster

tiredandunoriginal · 05/08/2020 17:05

Thank you for all the lovely and supportive comments and suggestions. I took his temp last night and it was fine, but will check again! He’s feeding well and very alert so I don’t think he’s ill. Glad to know I’m not the only one! I am getting support for my mental health, I have just started private CBT and am under the perinatal team and on medication, I’m doing much better than I was! My DP has just got home from work so he’s with DS now, and I’ve just managed to unpack the shopping and I’m going to clean the house and have a shower! Could do with a glass of wine too...

OP posts:

TheSoapyFrog · 05/08/2020 17:08

It's very normal! 4 months comes with a massive developmental leap so you will find changes in behaviour, sleep patterns and feeding habits. The baby will be developing new skills to be practiced and become more aware.
If at all possible, I would try and scale back housework etc and focus more on the baby for a couple of weeks. If not, consider borrowing a sling so you can crack on with what needs to be done.

Happymum12345 · 05/08/2020 17:09

Your baby sounds completely normal-except sleeping through the night-Lucky you!

Original poster

tiredandunoriginal · 05/08/2020 17:09

Update: his temp is 36.5 :)

OP posts:

Chocolatedeficitdisorder · 05/08/2020 17:11

There are lots of new 'stages' when you have babies. Some are amazing, some are awful but none of them last for long.

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