Cut a 44 year friendship off

[Whosmadnow]

This has bothered me for a while now. I've been friends with someone for over 40 years. We have been through everything together, births, marriages, deaths etc. I saw her as the sister I never had. I even introduced her to her husband. and she mine. We shared everything together.
Her son got married a while ago and she and her DH paid for some of the wedding so could invite a few people. You can guess where this is going. No invite. Her son even spent time in my home as a holiday guest. I am so hurt, both of them were closer than my own family and I have now cut all contact with them. The worst thing is two days after the wedding her DH invited me to support him at a charity event which involved me travelling 300 miles to see him. He didn't understand why I
was so upset.
AIBU

She doesn’t have any right to an explanation either. They are not in any way obliged to invite anyone they don’t want to...and they don’t have to offer an explanation. I’m not saying it’s weird to be hurt ( although it wouldn’t bother me) but I don’t think it’s worth throwing a friendship away.

No, you can't demand an explanation but it would have been the sensitive thing to do.

I think the omission is very hurtful, but I suspect that the son is responsible for the decision and, as other posters have speculated, the parents are obliged to say nothing critical of him. Unfairly, parents will usually try, - not to take their child's side exactly - but to be unable to find the will to get involved with negative comment. It was very kind of OP to host the son that time, and who knows, perhaps he didn't think he hit it off with her during the stay: more fool him not to appreciate generosity and thoughtfulness. Hopefully he will mature with age and start to value worthy qualities in people.
The circumstances are particular because the friends introduced each other to their partners, so it might be that OP's ex is friend's husband 's good friend, so it isn't a case of choosing one ex over the other as the ex is a friend in another capacity.
I think that 'hissy fit' is one of those exaggerated clichés that people only say to very good friends with whom they are comfortable. If they had wanted to be distant and were already withdrawing from the friendship with OP, I think they would have been coldly formal and have said, ' Well, we do regret your attitude to this, but really the guest list wasn't within our control'. Sounds like they were trying to chivvy OP out of her frame of mind - but you can't really do this about something quite big. Weddings invites often cause upset and they would know this.

There's been zero respect for the op's feelings on this. She is obviously still upset ( this wedding wasn't a recent event ) and the hissy fit comment would do it for me I'm afraid. If let them drop out of my life , (but then I do tend to hold grudges! )
Asking them about the charity thing 300 miles away too! Two words to that one!
They have all behaved badly here towards old friends.

The80sweregreat
Absolutely agree - and so many ways to put on extra events around the happy event to show love and appreciation to those who had not been sent an invitation to the wedding service, for whatever reason. The son ought to have insisted - after all, what better model could there be for his own future life than the example of a close and loving friendship which has made life's ups and downs more bearable.

There's been zero respect for the op's feelings on this.

Frankly, if the OP behaved at the time in anything like the same manner she has behaved on this thread shrill with outrage, brooding over her wrongs, absolutely willing to junk a 44-year friendship she admits has sustained her through bad times because of a lack of invitation to a third party's wedding, which has been arbitrarily turned into a sort of test of friendship I'm not sure I would be tiptoeing around her feelings either.