Friend taking p*** or am I being over sensitive?

[democrazy]

We own some land across the road from our house, invested in a small yurt and have a semi permanent type summer glamping set up, fire pit, pizza oven etc. Friend text me to ask if she can use the site to celebrate her birthday (it's a big one) with a few close friends (about 10-15), I mistook the message as inviting DH and I as well, which she replied saying she was embarrassed but really she just wanted her closest friends and I wouldn't be invited. This is fine as I wouldn't have considered myself in that circle - I'd say we're friends but not super close, but we are good friends with a number of the people who would be going. But I thought it a bit cheeky that she basically wants to use our extended garden to have a small party but not invite us. We've used the space for other friends and family celebrations, but we've always been part of them. I've said yes becuase I'd feel mean if
didn't, but equally feeling a little put out, though not sure if it's my embarassment at assuming I was invited or my feeling put out that they want to use the space without inviting us. P.s. I know this is a very first world issue and really not of great importance, just sense checking myself!

I'd tell her she will have to hire out toilets since it wont be practical to have people you dont know wandering in and out, and also since you wont be there to keep an eye on things you'll need a damage deposit

I’d be hurt too but you’ve already agreed to it so it would be hard to now charge her.
I suggest that this will be the last time that she could use it and I’d probably be inclined to keep a distance from her , going forward.
She’s made it clear that she doesn’t regard you very highly and is using you .

Your mutual friends will no doubt be pointing out her meanness and cheeky fuckery.

Fingers crossed for torrential rain and howling winds on the day.

@Campurp

Tell her that due to insurance reasons you can no longer offer the space. If she asks why say that when you usually hold events you are present, but it is a liability for you to have people on your land, using your facilities whilst you’re not present. You hope she can find another location but it leaves you wide open should an accident happen!

I think you're right on this, we are insured but it for private and personal use. I'm going to send this.

Of course you are not being sensitive, but I honestly don’t know how you could possibly let her use your garden now??

I've had this. Reply
' Oh sorry, my mistake, I don't hire it out as a commercial venue'
And when she's all '???'
Say 'oh I'm so embarrassed, so sorry we don't hire it out, we don't have insurance etc etc, sorry'
She'll come back '???'
Reply 'I thought we were hosting you, it's my mistake, I'm mortified but there's no way I can lease it'
And repeat

Cheeky bitch

Blimey. The brass neck.

Take photos of EVERYTHING before she arrives and draw up some sort of agreement that she will pay for/do any cleaning and repairs etc.

And then avoid her.

Very cheeky! I'm just wondering where you stand on public liability/insurance if she's borrowing your garden.

Btw do not let this go ahead op. If one of the guests has an accident you are fucked. Tell the cheeky mare straight

Ah; cross posted.

Is this happening soon? Sorry to bring up the C word, but unless it's in Northern Ireland then depending on the number of households her guests are from isn't this against social distancing rules?

Charge her or tell her no. If she’s close enough to know about the place she is close enough to invite you. That’s so out of order of her not to invite you.

Jesus! Ultimate CFery.

Yes to going back to her to decline as it's not for commercial use. Hosting is one thing....renting it out (even at null cost) is another.

Add
'And we are NOT c19 secure'

That’s not even cheeky! It’s just plain RUDE! So rude.

Come on, OP. You must see that this isn’t in any way reasonable! Imagine if someone asked if they could use your garden for a party but you weren’t invited - no different really! Just say “as we aren’t invited we’ll consider this to be a commercial hire - here’s the pricing and terms”. Or if you’d rather her not be there at all, just say sorry a family member has asked to use it now so you’re prioritising then instead. She can’t really argue with that given her prioritisation of other friends over you!

Fuck her she didn’t feel mean not inviting you

I’d make some shit up about all these people during covid time’s mingling in your space makes you feel uncomfortable touching stuff, want to keep it safe for your family, everyone blames covid for everything.

Might be useful to play the DH card here.

"I've spoken to DH, and we've decided..". Just takes the edge off it being so confrontational.

Or "I've checked with the insurance company, and unfortunately we can't allow it because you wouldn't be covered."

Yes to donlewis. Just say it as it is. Name it. Don’t pussy foot around. And yes, they’ll all be tramping in and out to use your toilet all night.

What an absolute CF. I would say you have looked into it and your insurance does not cover you if anyone was injured on your land. Or say thinking about it you have changed your mind as you don't want portaloos on land or people pissing on your property! If someone was injured (though drunken stupidity etc) you could be liable I presume.

Bloody hell, will she request use of facilities in your home?! Toilet, fridge, rooms for overnight guests...
I think you need to get out of this.
"Hi CF, sorry for the misunderstanding but we don't rent out the space, its just for our own use. I'm afraid that I will have to decline your request as we won't be there" I'm sure someone else will be along with better wording. Good luck !

That's so rude. Is there a portaloo?

Just tell her as you aren't invited it's too hassly 🤷‍♀️

If you do want a soft get out:

“Oh... our neighbours often swing by to say a quick hello when we’re out there. They’re nice, but if we’re not there they’ll hit the roof - we already had the reassurance conversation with them that it’s not going to be a magnet for parties or let out.”

She's telling you that you don't even make the top 15 of her list of close friends - but expects you to let her use your garden.

Use the lack of toilet facilities as your excuse if you don't want to tell her bluntly what a CF she is. Otherwise you'll have an evening of pissed-up people all trailing to your door asking if they can use your loo.

No no no! Agree with the above and retract your permission.

Someone will injure themselves and you will end up with solicitor letters.

She is so rude to have asked and NOT invite you.

Tell her it's not covid secure and your insurance won't cover it.