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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Friend taking p*** or am I being over sensitive?

596 replies

democrazy · 04/08/2020 20:28

We own some land across the road from our house, invested in a small yurt and have a semi permanent type summer glamping set up, fire pit, pizza oven etc. Friend text me to ask if she can use the site to celebrate her birthday (it's a big one) with a few close friends (about 10-15), I mistook the message as inviting DH and I as well, which she replied saying she was embarrassed but really she just wanted her closest friends and I wouldn't be invited. This is fine as I wouldn't have considered myself in that circle - I'd say we're friends but not super close, but we are good friends with a number of the people who would be going. But I thought it a bit cheeky that she basically wants to use our extended garden to have a small party but not invite us. We've used the space for other friends and family celebrations, but we've always been part of them. I've said yes becuase I'd feel mean if
didn't, but equally feeling a little put out, though not sure if it's my embarassment at assuming I was invited or my feeling put out that they want to use the space without inviting us. P.s. I know this is a very first world issue and really not of great importance, just sense checking myself!

OP posts:
Eeeeeeeok · 05/08/2020 10:34

@democrazyjust read all your updates. Well done for being assertive. It is cheeky I just couldn't even think about asking this. I don't actually have that many friends so can't really put myself in this position. But tbh I find it quite odd she is rating her friends like this! I'd she actually 10?

Badassmama · 05/08/2020 10:46

Amazing OP! You could always go a step further and invite people over for a camp out yourself without her as you’d mentally planned for it already so a shame to miss out Grin

StoneofDestiny · 05/08/2020 11:40

Next Christmas invite your real pals to a party and ask her for use of her living room and toilet - and don’t invite her 🥳.

Awrite · 05/08/2020 11:50

I love it when people stand up to cheeky fuckers.

notanothertakeaway · 05/08/2020 12:03

OP, I think you handled this brilliantly. Well done

I suggest you plan your response in case she comes back saying that she can't find a venue as nice as yours, and of course you would be welcome to join the party

RuggerHug · 05/08/2020 12:10

notanothertakeaway

Easy, 'oh I can't,I'm having a bit of a do that night. And every weekend after'. Followed by silence and no invite😁

ChristmasinJune · 05/08/2020 12:18

@notanothertakeaway

OP, I think you handled this brilliantly. Well done

I suggest you plan your response in case she comes back saying that she can't find a venue as nice as yours, and of course you would be welcome to join the party

Yes, this! I suspect she may well try to claim that you somehow "misunderstood" or there's another very good reason why she didn't invite you but now she knows it means so much to you of course you can come. Be prepared for that to be next op Wink
AnneKipanki · 05/08/2020 12:23

Well done .
I am not disappointed . I am just happy for you taking the advice on board.

AnneKipanki · 05/08/2020 12:24

Have your own family thing organised instead for that night .

StoneofDestiny · 05/08/2020 12:33

Yes - have new family plans for that night - good advice

Wakaranaihito · 05/08/2020 12:53

I'd call her up and say:
'This is now a bit awkward. I said yes to you having a party in our garden because I naturally assumed you were inviting us so I would be there to over see. If I'm not there then I have insurance issues. If anything happened then the insurance company would be asking lots of questions. If I rented it out I would need extra cover, which I don't want to do. This then leaves us in an awkward situation. You obviously consider me to be enough of a friend to ask to use our garden and facilities for your party but not enough of a friend to invite to the party. I hope you see the conflict here.

So, I think I need to say no to the party. Not out of spite, but because I can't insure myself for it.

VacMan · 05/08/2020 12:54

@Wakaranaihito she has.

VacMan · 05/08/2020 12:56

For anyone that can't be arsed to read the thread, at least click on OP's posts - read all

VacMan · 05/08/2020 12:57

*see all

clarepetal · 05/08/2020 12:58

I think that's horrible. What a cow. Yes your friend is taking the piss x

Userzzz · 05/08/2020 12:59

Wow, that is so rude. I would be very hurt and I would say no, sorry. Why are you doing her any favors? She doesn't seem worth it, life's too short, get away from shit people and don't waste your breath.

rookiemere · 05/08/2020 13:01

@VacMan you're wasting your time unfortunately. Some posters believe that what they have to say is so groundbreaking and important they don't need to read anything but the first post. Best are the ones who must spend at least 10 minutes constructing a novella response, without taking any OP updates into account.

Spoiler: Their posts rarely are that interesting.

Peridot1 · 05/08/2020 13:02

Read the whole thread people! Or at least the OP’s posts! It’s been sorted.

VacMan · 05/08/2020 13:03

@Userzzz

Wow, that is so rude. I would be very hurt and I would say no, sorry. Why are you doing her any favors? She doesn't seem worth it, life's too short, get away from shit people and don't waste your breath.
Cancel the yurt!
VacMan · 05/08/2020 13:06

[quote rookiemere]@VacMan you're wasting your time unfortunately. Some posters believe that what they have to say is so groundbreaking and important they don't need to read anything but the first post. Best are the ones who must spend at least 10 minutes constructing a novella response, without taking any OP updates into account.

Spoiler: Their posts rarely are that interesting.[/quote]
I know. I'll have to hide the thread or I'll get the rage😂

Another OP on AIBU is getting a pasting although she straight away held her hands up and agreed she was BU. I've had to hide that one too!

BlogTheBlogger · 05/08/2020 13:22

@Wakaranaihito

I'd call her up and say: 'This is now a bit awkward. I said yes to you having a party in our garden because I naturally assumed you were inviting us so I would be there to over see. If I'm not there then I have insurance issues. If anything happened then the insurance company would be asking lots of questions. If I rented it out I would need extra cover, which I don't want to do. This then leaves us in an awkward situation. You obviously consider me to be enough of a friend to ask to use our garden and facilities for your party but not enough of a friend to invite to the party. I hope you see the conflict here.

So, I think I need to say no to the party. Not out of spite, but because I can't insure myself for it.

Grin

oh the relief of you posting this after nearly 400 posts of the rest of us dithering about what to do Grin

DrManhattan · 05/08/2020 13:28

She replied ' ok' - I bet she is totally screwing! When my sister says OK she totally means ' fuck you bitch '

Well done for sticking up for yourself x

User43210 · 05/08/2020 13:47

@democrazy

Sorry no response yet.... though have had a text from a mutual friend who she has obviously been talking to about my response, who has just said on no uncertain terms should I back down and let her use the site now after that and she is gobsmacked at her arrogance!
Pleased your friend won't let you back down and glad she's only said OK and not made it awkward. Can't argue with your reasonings though!

CF!

WelshMoth · 05/08/2020 14:12

OP, is this friend usually this thoughtless or dense? Had she actually thought this through? So, despite not inviting you to your own venue, had she actually considered what she would do re her friends wanting the loo? What were her options? Peeing in your garden behind the yurt? Knocking on your door before sauntering in to use the bathroom in your home?

I'm delighted that you've knocked it on the head with such composure (well done) but utterly curious as to what her thought processes were about the whole thing. Was she expecting you to fork out for a portaloo?! As we'd say in these parts - what a beaut!

Frankola · 05/08/2020 14:40

Charge the b£!ch