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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be upset my 6 year old got her ears pierced?

328 replies

thetimehasbegan · 04/08/2020 18:49

My ex and I share 50/50 custody of my daughter (nothing in writing). My daughter is 6 and has been asking me for a couple of weeks to get her ears pierced.

I didn't have a problem with this as she is old enough to ask and she understood it would hurt and would both have to keep them clean. I had said though that we would wait a while as I wasn't sure places were doing it due to coronavirus.

Today I got a FaceTime from my daughter and her dad had taken her into Claire's accessories to get her ears pierced. He hasn't even discussed it with me or let me know. I am more hurt than angry as I feel that's a mummy and daughter activity and I would have at least liked to have been there for it.

After explaining to him that I am disappointed he has apologised. However, I can't help feeling still sad. Also, I went to see my daughter to see her ears and she was telling me that my ex MIL was telling my daughter to tell me that "if you're not fast, your last". This has really pissed me off and I've sent her a text.

AIBU?

OP posts:
TheGirlWithAPrince · 04/08/2020 20:41

sorry your mad about the wrong things. I would never get a kids ears done in claires.

MrsNoah2020 · 04/08/2020 20:41

I have worked as an A&E doctor in several countries where it's normal to pierce girls' ears as babies. I could count on one hand the number of significant injuries/infections I have seen from earrings. The commonest problem is a back/butterfly getting stuck in the lobe, and that's sorted in 2 minutes with a pair of tweezers. Earrings are nowhere near as likely to cause injury as necklaces or - the worst - rings.

Personally, I wouldn't have chosen to pierce my daughter's ears at 6, but the pearl-clutching about piercing on MN is ludicrous.

Divoc2020 · 04/08/2020 20:42

My perspective on the ear-piercing thing for very young girls is that it's encouraging the beginning of the 'prettifying' and sexualisation of girls and reinforcing the message that they should focus on their appearance.
They get enough of that later in life already!
Jewellery is used to draw attention to parts of the (mostly female) body and that's why I think ear-piercing used to be 'saved' for a teenage 'rite-of-passage'.
Yes, some cultures have traditions of piercing baby girls' ears, but these are often the same cultures which don't have a great reputation for respecting the bodies of young girls.

There's also some evidence that early piercing can result in nickall allergy which can have complications including frequent infections, eczema and asthma.

wishihadagoodone · 04/08/2020 20:42

@HolyForkinShirt

My neighbour took me and had mine done!!😬 No idea if she asked my mum or how mum felt about it.
She must've been looking after me that day but I remember going with her to a chemist in town, going into a little back room and choosing a lovely gold pair of studs that had a green stone in the middle.
I was only 4!! DD is the same age as I was and I couldn't imagine letting her get her ears pierced.

Seracursoren · 04/08/2020 20:45

You need to look at your DD's school's policy on earrings and PE just in case she needs to take them out rather than tape them up. Just so you are aware of the expectations. Also inform your ex too.

Previously we (staff) taped up earrings but were then told we could not do it as policy was now that earrings were removed or not worn for PE. A child could tape their own ears up but as staff we were not allowed to help them.

So much easier to tape an earring up than help wrestle waist length hair into a swimming cap Grin but also check the swimming policy for your child in school too. A lot of school swimming takes place in year 3 and 4.

Thisismytimetoshine · 04/08/2020 20:45

@MrsNoah2020

I have worked as an A&E doctor in several countries where it's normal to pierce girls' ears as babies. I could count on one hand the number of significant injuries/infections I have seen from earrings. The commonest problem is a back/butterfly getting stuck in the lobe, and that's sorted in 2 minutes with a pair of tweezers. Earrings are nowhere near as likely to cause injury as necklaces or - the worst - rings.

Personally, I wouldn't have chosen to pierce my daughter's ears at 6, but the pearl-clutching about piercing on MN is ludicrous.

Most primary schools insist on having them taped over for PE lessons, they're clearly not risk free.
imissthesouth · 04/08/2020 20:51

YANBU about wanting to be told. I'd be fuming if I wasn't consulted by other parent.
YABU that it's a mother daughter activity. Another thing that should have been discussed really. Maybe both parents could of gone?

Jihhery · 04/08/2020 20:51

Awful behaviour. I can see why he's an ex. Especially given the after-care and the current pandemic. Don't understand any posters not understanding. Very odd.

Idontbelieveit12 · 04/08/2020 20:57

My daughter had hers done just short of her 9th birthday. She is 13 now, had nothing but problems with them and they are now healed over. Would never go to Claire’s for them, a proper piercing place with needles is best.

GarlicSoup · 04/08/2020 20:58

@SmileEachDay

A six year old?

Why on earth would you let her get her ears pierced? It’s totally unnecessary. I’m mystified by people who do this - children’s bodies don’t need prettifying.

^ This
HolyForkinShirt · 04/08/2020 20:59

@wishihadagoodone

I've just messaged my mum about it actually because I wasn't sure if my aunt had permission.

Turns out she didn't! But my mum said she can't remember being angry for too long though. Blush

I would have disowned my sister in that position 😂

SmileEachDay · 04/08/2020 21:01

Don't understand any posters not understanding. Very odd

I think he’s awful also.

Onceuponatimethen · 04/08/2020 21:04

I would be really angry about this.

I wouldn’t want them done this young for starters. In our family it’s 16 onwards for piercings.

It is nice he’s apologised though - I think that’s good because a lot of men wouldn’t

RHRA · 04/08/2020 21:06

I think you’re ex is awful too and lacks judgement, what an idiotic thing to do in the current climate.

diddl · 04/08/2020 21:06

£67??

Wow!

I think that as he knew that you were OK with having then done then it's not so bad.

xolotltezcatlopoca · 04/08/2020 21:07

But op was ok for her to have it done. So I see no problem for her dad to take her to have it done. I would think Op might have it done anyway if her ex was opposed to it.

AntoinetteOuradi · 04/08/2020 21:08

It would be interesting to do a study into the teenage trust/rebellion issues between those who forbid things like ear piercing/hair dye/expressive clothing etc etc in their kids and those who discuss it, make sure their children weigh up the positives and negatives, fully understand the process

@CarrieFour I agree with this. However, a six-year-old is hardly of an age where she can weigh anything like this up or evaluate the positives and negatives. A six-year-old would be hard pressed to say which Rainbow Fairy was her favourite, never mind understand the socio-cultural issues involved in piercing small children's ears.

In my daughter's class, there was one girl who had her ears pierced - at the start of Year 6. She was regarded as a bit different from the others.

YogiMatte · 04/08/2020 21:11

It would annoy me - I think 6 is too young.

I can still remember one of DD1s friends, aged 6 or 7 scrabbling around a dirty infant school floor looking for a lost earring, whilst asking me why I wouldn't let DD1 have her ears done...

I let mine get their ears pierced at 9 going on 10 , they were old enough to know to keep them clean.

I have heard of someone having a nasty complication from ear piercing that needed to be sorted out in hospital.

bridgetreilly · 04/08/2020 21:11

Don't understand any posters not understanding. Very odd

Because they'd already discussed it and agreed. OP just wanted it to be her, even though she'd never said that, despite the previous discussion. She is being massively unreasonable.

Delphinium20 · 04/08/2020 21:13

YANBU but your MIL sounds catty. If your ex apologized, makes me wonder if his mother was more involved in the decision to go behind your back. Girls get ears pierced more often than boys so I would have been sad not to have it be a mother/daughter thing.

PablosHoney · 04/08/2020 21:13

Another non fan of piercings for the young and as for Claire’s, I’d be pissed off at that and his mums sounds like a dumbo

Original poster
thetimehasbegan · 04/08/2020 21:15

Why can't people seem to stick to the point on mumsnet? 😂

OP posts:
WinterSunglasses · 04/08/2020 21:16

Your ex sounds thoughtless rather than malicious. But that was a nasty remark from your MIL. So much so that I would now be thinking about how and when to serve it back to her.

RHRA · 04/08/2020 21:17

@thetimehasbegan

Why can't people seem to stick to the point on mumsnet? 😂
^ this It’s so predictable and irritatingAngry
ChurchOfWokeApostate · 04/08/2020 21:18

I had my ears pierced at 6 weeks old. As did my mum. My dd has hers pierced at 4 months.
We aren’t from any type of Spanish ancestry, just from the east end of London. It’s very common round here for baby girls to get their ears pierced, and must have been common in the 60s when my mum was born as well.

In fact, I think it’s far better to get it done as a baby, than 6, 8 or so 10 personally, they don’t touch them, they don’t end up getting infected, and by the time they strt up at school, the holes stay open.
My dd is 9 now, and she wears her earrings all during half terms and at the weekends. No drama taking them out for pe etc,

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