To think extroverts are strangely viewed.

[Thewheelsfelloffthebus]

Something I’ve noticed recently - it seems to be a “thing” to declare yourself as an introvert. Additionally I’ve been bombarded with ads on Facebook etc that are tagged “for introverts” - for example “learn how to do x even though you’re an introvert”.

It’s as though extraverts are unseemly or something. Now I know that generally this type of post will bring out a million introverts (funnily enough never the extroverts).

I don't think introverts have been branded as 'less', I think that's how some feel about themselves becasue they have more reflective personality types, often.

Extroverts aren't all noisy braggarts either, that's just knob heads who behave like that!

I'm definitely an ambivert. I really enjoy company and talking to people and mostly feel energised by social situations, but I also need my own space and feel can overloaded by certain personality types. Don't the majority of people fit into this category? We all have different moods and react differently accord g to how we're feeling and what's going on in our lives?

Extroverts rule the world and dictate almost everything. No problem with introverts getting some attention for a change.

I'm definitely an ambivert. I really enjoy company and talking to people and mostly feel energised by social situations, but I also need my own space and feel can overloaded by certain personality types. Don't the majority of people fit into this category? We all have different moods and react differently accord g to how we're feeling and what's going on in our lives?

Yes, that is almost everybody, which is why I think people who affix themselves with and proudly declare their 'labels' are normally attention seekers rather than actually as special as they think. I'd say the same about a self-declared extrovert, but as people say that seems much rarer.

What I find amusing is that people will declare that being an introvert makes them so reflective, and then come out with utterly obliviously unself-aware crap like 'as introverts when we speak we have something important to say'. Do you not think everyone thinks that what they have to say is important, and that other people might not be so convinced?

I've noticed it too OP. I think it's a combination of the "victims are valuable and get attention therefore I will find a way to be a victim" trend plus an attempt to skirt around social difficulties by blaming everyone else rather than looking to yourself.

I was involved in something as a young adult where we all had to do the Myers Briggs personality test, then years later did it again. I remember thinking that it is a bit meaningless to compare against other people. It makes more sense to assess against yourself. Also once you have kids it changes again - I might gain energy from an intellectual chat with someone a bit cleverer than me, but I'm not sure anyone gains it from a toddler.
So I use the introvert / extrovert to think 'are my needs for socialisation being met? Are my needs for my own headspace being met?' Since having kids the answers are usually yes, no, in that order.
It tells me nothing to say my oh is more introverted than me, it helps to know that he sometimes needs alone time and this is to do with being emotionally exhausted from his job and doesn't mean he doesn't love me. He just needs to recharge, and it takes longer than 20minutes.

I think that many people who are on the more introverted end of the scale (myself included) spend years trying to fit in with what is expected in terms of social situations, team playing, group participation. They have little choice because that is how society operates. Personally, I hated the fact that I struggled with these things and thought there was something wrong with me. I never said anything out loud to anyone because I didn't want to be exposed to ridicule. For all I knew, though, other people were feeling the same way and saying nothing.

But what I did find myself doing, was developing coping strategies. If I was anywhere that I found overwhelming, I stepped outside for a while and took a breather, or decided on a time I would leave and stuck to it. Of course I was called a party pooper and all the other pleasantries. But I needed some part of the situation to be on my own terms. When I worked in an office, I chose to spend my lunchtimes alone because I needed that time to recharge. I feel as if I've spent a large proportion of my life trying to escape from other people. But that doesn't mean I don't like other people, or that I think they are responsible for how I feel, or indeed that I view everyone else as an extrovert. Most people are somewhere in the middle. But the closer you veer towards introversion, the less you seem to be a good fit for society as it is set up. I enjoy a bit of chit chat with friends. I just have a cut off point. And if it goes on too long, I really need time to decompress.

My eldest DS is more of an extrovert. He loves lots of interaction, being around people and visibly feeds off their energy. When we're out, he never wants the day to be over. I absolutely love and admire this about him. DS2 is much more like me and is loving being at home during this pandemic. I don't know how I'm going to get him out the door when school goes back.

I have enjoyed this strange limbo of the pandemic. My stress levels are the lowest they have ever been in my whole life, but I know the situation is unsustainable. Everything closing down was never meant to be a good thing - it just was for me!!!

@Jussayingisall

My only gripe being an introvert (mainly down to me having gad) is at work. So every company I have ever worked for will tell me in my reviews "you are fantastic at your job, but I'm marking you down cause you haven't had enough interaction with Bob and Susan like Dave has" Bob and Susan work 3 offices over and have nothing to do with my job and Dave is actually terrible at his job. Dave though being an extrovert, goes around telling random people how good he is, socialises with Bob and this gets him noticed. This is how every company I have worked for is set up and it is detrimental to introverted people.

You've just reminded me of something I'd forgotten about. In my first ever job post-uni, I had my probation period extended for being "quiet". My boss admitted that I was doing really well at the job, had picked it up quickly and my closest work colleague who was training me had given the boss a glowing review of how well I was doing.

But because I hadn't made friends with Sue in Marketing or Mike in Accounts and some staff had said they didn't know me very well yet, despite having made no effort to speak to me themselves and their day to day jobs having absolutely no crossover with mine, I needed to have my probation extended. Basically because I kept my head down and concentrated on learning the job rather than swanning about chatting shit to all of my colleagues, this was seen as a negative.

I'm really annoyed now, remembering this!

Great post @AhBallix

@MoonBabysMagicalKalimba
Crikey, that is really crap. It's not as if talking to those colleagues was part of your job description. I'm annoyed on your behalf now!!

[quote AhBallix]@MoonBabysMagicalKalimba
Crikey, that is really crap. It's not as if talking to those colleagues was part of your job description. I'm annoyed on your behalf now!![/quote]
Yet another example of how the world is built for extroverts, but apparently this doesn't exist and we are all making it up

Yes, that is almost everybody, which is why I think people who affix themselves with and proudly declare their 'labels' are normally attention seekers rather than actually as special as they think. I'd say the same about a self-declared extrovert, but as people say that seems much rarer.

What I find amusing is that people will declare that being an introvert makes them so reflective, and then come out with utterly obliviously unself-aware crap like 'as introverts when we speak we have something important to say'. Do you not think everyone thinks that what they have to say is important, and that other people might not be so convinced?

I totally agree with this. As if extroverts are just wittering on mindlessly while introverts speak only in meaningful insights. A wildly unreflective and arrogant belief to hold about oneself!

I wonder why it is predominately ‘introverts’ who proclaim themselves such as if ‘introversion’ is in and of itself a personality. I think it must be because even if people believe themselves to be closer to the extroverted end of the scale, they’re not going to proclaim themselves as such when it’s become akin to sticking on a clown nose.

I’ve never declared myself either an introvert or an extrovert, because I genuinely have no idea which I am. I get anxious about networking and talking to people I don’t know in professional environments, but I’m actually very good at it. I’ll confidently give a presentation in front of 200 people, but I’ll lie awake and worry about it the night before. I love socialising and feel energised by being with people while I am with them, but I can only do this a couple of times a week before I need time on my own to recharge. I like my own company and happily spend hours on my own, but I don’t find it draining to be around others. I get overstimulated by too much noise and find it exhausting, but I like the buzz and interplay of ideas in team meetings. My favourite thing in the world is to read quietly by myself, but my close second favourite thing is to host raucous dinner parties. I have a dozen qualities which are firmly ‘introverted’ and a dozen which a firmly ‘extroverted’ - which makes me exactly like the vast majority of people in the world, and absolutely not in need of a label delineating how sensitive, thoughtful and deep-thinking I am.

I consider myself an introvert and really value my extrovert friends because they do get me out and doing social things I wouldn't do under my own steam - and I always enjoy myself once I'm out.

Generally though I find one to one company or groups four or less far easier to be sociable in, I tend to be quiet and become the listener in bigger groups.

I completely agree with both HardBackWriter and TheAquaticDuchess - the characteristics you describe are me to a tee.

@MoonBabysMagicalKalimba can i just say as an extrovert all my school reports were critical of my talking and how i needed to talk less. So its not true extroverts are lauded by teachers and society, as an extrovert I feel a constant pressure to be quieter.

@JuniperFather

You're posting a lot of generally controversial rude and snappy stuff I see on the boards lately.

I agree with the OP it's so true and same with @Waxonwaxoff0

My previous job was customer facing. I'd time my break so the staff room was as empty as possible. Then I'd sit with my food, at a table facing the wall, and either read or play on my phone.

Once in a while someone (extrovert) would come and sit with me and start up a conversation.it would be rude for me to ignore (or move seats or say that I want to be alone), but it's not seen as rude that they came and sat with me and started talking.

Extroversion is accepted. Introversion is not.

Despite always getting glowing reports at school, they always criticised me for being too quiet. Despite always getting glowing appraisals in the workplace, they always criticised me for being too quiet. So, basically, being "quiet" wasn't affecting my school work, nor my adult work, but they still criticised!

When others around me were getting promotions, etc., and I brought that up with management, the answer was the same - I was too quiet and they wanted more of a team player - that's despite them never saying I didn't work well with other staff and clients. I hit a "glass ceiling" in every firm I worked in. Only way to get up the corporate ladder was to move jobs (where they didn't know I was too quiet) so employed me on my record, achievements, references, etc!

Finally had enough of it, so I set up my own business. You'd have thought being "too quiet" would be a barrier to going out and marketing myself, attending business meetings, nurturing clients, etc., but guess what - it wasn't a barrier at all. I've now run my own business for just over 20 years. I'm still "too quiet" in the opinion of the extroverts I suppose, but considering many of my first clients are still with me, I get most new work as referrals from existing clients, etc., obviously the people who really matter, i.e. the clients, don't think that being too quiet affects my ability to do the job they want me to do!

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

My previous job was customer facing. I'd time my break so the staff room was as empty as possible. Then I'd sit with my food, at a table facing the wall, and either read or play on my phone.

Once in a while someone (extrovert) would come and sit with me and start up a conversation.it would be rude for me to ignore (or move seats or say that I want to be alone), but it's not seen as rude that they came and sat with me and started talking.

Extroversion is accepted. Introversion is not.

Yes, agree with that. In my case it's courses. For my profession, it's obligatory to attend training courses - I have a choice, so choose the lecture style ones. Despite empty tables, strangers still come and sit next to me and want to strike up conversations - just why? Are they so needy, they can't just sit at one of the other tables? At least I get respite during the lecture, but at breaks and lunchtimes I just go and sit in the car rather than have to endure meaningless small talk and hearing about their cat, or their boss, or their holiday or whatever they just can't help themselves from talking about.

Needless to say I avoid the "other" type of courses like the plague, such as team building, role playing, etc. At least being my own boss, I now have a choice to swerve them.

@TheAquaticDuchess you speak sense!

@AhBallix Well I’d say it’s just very complicated, which is the fairly unsatisfactory upshot of most psychology really! Introversion/Extraversion is a scale, and as others have said most people are an ‘ambivert’. But overall there are a lot of mitigating factors in how people behave at any one time, and being more of an introvert doesn’t ‘Mean’ as much as people seem to think it means.

If there is anything good to come out of covid, it is workplace hugging. Now that is a blessing.

@AnEleanor
Thank you. Although I think that while sitting on the introverted end of a scale might not attach as much meaning from an academic point of view, it does have significant meaning when applied to the day to day experiences of those who are more introverted. I appreciate that most people are somewhere in the middle, but the world can be an unfriendly and overwhelming place for those who struggle with the endless backdrop of noise that forms everyday life.

@Jussayingisall

If there is anything good to come out of covid, it is workplace hugging. Now that is a blessing.

And an end (permanent hopefully) to obligatory hand shaking.

At least I get respite during the lecture, but at breaks and lunchtimes I just go and sit in the car rather than have to endure meaningless small talk and hearing about their cat, or their boss, or their holiday or whatever they just can't help themselves from talking about.

That's me too! Quite a few people sit in their cars during breaks and lunch at the courses I go to as well.

Despite empty tables, strangers still come and sit next to me and want to strike up conversations - just why?

Just turn this around for a minute. If I was sat on my own waiting for a presentation or lecture to start and people started filtering in and deliberately didn’t sit near me. I would begin to think “what is wrong with me?”

The problem is that no-one is a mind reader, so unless we all have notices which say “leave me alone” or “please come and talk to me” how are people to know who is happy to talk to you and who doesn’t want to?

The dilemma is when you enter a room is does it look rude to actively avoid sitting with someone or not, because you don’t know whether the people already in the room are introverts or extroverts.

I am glad that this thread exists because it helps me understand why one of my colleagues is such an extreme introvert to the point of being rude. I only ever talk to her if I have to because I know she doesn’t like talking – to anyone.