To think extroverts are strangely viewed.

[Thewheelsfelloffthebus]

Something I’ve noticed recently - it seems to be a “thing” to declare yourself as an introvert. Additionally I’ve been bombarded with ads on Facebook etc that are tagged “for introverts” - for example “learn how to do x even though you’re an introvert”.

It’s as though extraverts are unseemly or something. Now I know that generally this type of post will bring out a million introverts (funnily enough never the extroverts).

I’m an introvert, because I recharge my batteries by being alone. I suspect those who know me would be surprised at that as I can be incredibly outgoing, but to have no space I can retreat into to be by myself is something I find incredibly stressful and exhausting.

I don’t see being introverted or extroverted as more desirable or special than the other - it’s just how someone is - but I would agree with previous posters that a lot of everyday life seems geared up for extroverts: team building, holidays where it’s assumed you’ll share a room, the expectations of socialising etc. And to state that you don’t enjoy those things is seen by some as a negative (particularly in an employment setting) and I would say it’s high time those who have introvert qualities stopped being treated as if there was something wrong with them.

That said, tolerance goes both ways. Introverts crowing about how much they’re enjoying lockdown is deeply thoughtless - how an introvert might feel about ‘normal’ life might be how an extrovert feels now, so why on earth would you find joy in someone else’s suffering? But overall it’s hard to balance the two because an introvert is, by definition, better placed to cope with being alone so doesn’t need anyone else to create the environment they’re happy in. An extrovert does - I used to work with someone who needed company all the time and it made us both unhappy (in our team of two); me because I didn’t want to be talked at all day and him because he was unhappy without endless chat and was lonely on the days I WFH’d.

To answer OP’s original post, IME those posts float about because introverts often have to find a way to live in an extrovert-centric society.

Also despite the “recharging by being alone/with people” - hands up who doesn’t need say some time to themselves if they go on a group holiday for a week.

There is a big difference between liking a bit of time alone/wanting a break sometimes, and needing it because otherwise you’re exhausted and have run out of social energy.

Different people are, well, different. Is that so hard to understand?

The education system (very generally speaking) tends to reward extroverts - children are usually asked to learn in groups, speak up in class and share their opinions in front of groups, and so on.

This is - generally speaking - total rubbish for all but the younger children and people only think this by contrast to schools as a silent, face to the front place which was the cultural norm until relatively recently. Quiet work still takes much more of the time than group, certainly by secondary school, and assessment is nearly all individual. Private study and working alone are assessed much more frequently and weighted much more heavily than collaborative activity.

I was actually a child/student who hated group work, less because of introversion and more because I was very perfectionist and didn't like other people involved in 'my' projects. I remember that some teachers would just let me work alone and I looked back, but actually looking back they weren't doing me a favour because it was actually really important that I practised compromise and group collaboration especially because it didn't come naturally to me.

There is a big difference between liking a bit of time alone/wanting a break sometimes, and needing it because otherwise you’re exhausted and have run out of social energy.

This is a classic example of 'things are much harder than me for other people' - how would you know, by definition you've only ever had your own experience? Other people may seem less drained than you but perhaps they're just being politer about it, hiding it better or are just a bit more stoic about it?

The world isn’t “built” for either personality type

That alone tells me the OP is extrovert.

The world is geared up towards extroverts and always has been. It’s viewed as the ideal way to be, and introversion is a flaw that needs to be fixed

I would kind of agree with this. If I want to sit on a train and read my book in peace, I am being "rude" if I won't speak to the extrovert.

Equally if I go out for a run and I don't say hello to every runner I see en route I am being rude.

Why do people need so much validation from other people? Just get on with your day.

I would kind of agree with this. If I want to sit on a train and read my book in peace, I am being "rude" if I won't speak to the extrovert.

Equally if I go out for a run and I don't say hello to every runner I see en route I am being rude.

I've never experienced either of these. You seem to think that other people think about you all the time; I promise they don't. I think that's what irritating about a lot of the introverted memes; they have an underlying tone of 'other people enjoy every minute they spend with me, it's only me who ever finds small talk boring. I'm doing everyone a massive favour by graciously bestowing them with my company'. It's so incredibly self-centred.

All my life I’ve felt the odd one odd and “strange”. In uni things were hard for me as housemates would go out and bond and I would prefer to stay home. Lots of people in my youth asked me “what’s wrong with you”, “why are you do weird”. It took until my 30’s to realise I’m an introvert! You font understand what life is like for people like me when the whole world especially uni life is geared towards extroverts. There were no online forums I could pour my heart out to or social media at that time. If you haven’t experienced life as introvert you won’t get it!

I’m glad people are making it widely known. I’ve had to break up with several friends over the years as they just didn’t get why I didn’t want to meet up every weekend and why I needed time alone to myself. I’ve been called “depressed” “moody” and other babes as I just need my space! I still find it awkward telling people to back off. Everyone needs to understand not everyone wants to be around others all the time, it’s not a weirdness it’s just something we need and I’m so glad people are getting tagged etc.

This is a classic example of 'things are much harder than me for other people' - how would you know, by definition you've only ever had your own experience?

I didn’t say that it’s to do with one group of people having things harder than for others, it’s not a competition. I’m just trying to explain that for some people something is a ‘nice to have’ whereas that’s not the case for others. It’s just how it is - I know extroverts who’ve said they’ve really struggled during lockdown; are they claiming “things are harder for them” or just stating a fact?

My point was a request for understanding of people being different and that something - like time alone - that doesn’t really matter to one person is really important to another one. Take the example of my extrovert colleague; it never seemed to occur to him that maybe I didn’t want to be talked at all day. I made time to chat to him, but he then just wouldn’t stop. He’d get upset if I said I needed to work quietly, and would tell me he needed the company because it was “just who he was”. What about who I was?!

OMG! Sorry all the typos. I feel strongly about this so posted without checking my typos!

You seem to think that other people think about you all the time; I promise they don't.

Why the nastiness?

If I want to sit on a train and read my book in peace, I am being "rude" if I won't speak to the extrovert.

For those saying they’ve never experienced this, has it occurred to you that others have and you’re just dismissing their experiences because it doesn’t suit your argument?

@BrightYellowDaffodil I 100% agree with everything you are saying

Something I’ve noticed recently - it seems to be a “thing” to declare yourself as an introvert. Additionally I’ve been bombarded with ads on Facebook etc that are tagged “for introverts” - for example “learn how to do x even though you’re an introvert”.

It’s as though extraverts are unseemly or something. Now I know that generally this type of post will bring out a million introverts (funnily enough never the extroverts).

Something I've noticed recently- it seems to be a "thing" to make a big deal about how you don't get and aren't pleased by something that affects you not one bit.

Like complaining that there is advice aimed at introverts, or pretending that the fact that there is advice aimed at introverts implies that extroverts are 'unseemly'.

If you as an extrovert feel the need for advice on dealing with lockdown or anything else, ask for it, seek it out, put some effort into raising the profile of the needs of extroverts. But this sort of faux innocent whining is just bloody tiresome and smacks of "waaaaaaah something that isn't about me and my needs exists and I don't liiiiiiiike it".

@Iwalkinmyclothing as I’ve said - I couldn’t tell you whether I’m introverted or extroverted. Lockdown hasn’t really bothered me very often (I worked at hone, on my own anyways). So it’s not about me.

I find it strange how worked up people seem to be getting over some memes. As if it's proof that all introverts must feel superior, when in reality we've been made to feel inferior most of our lives.

I'm an extrovert and love other people's company. It's not a big deal - I can be by myself for extended periods and survive, but it's not my natural disposition.

DH is the polar opposite and is now probably quite happy never to see another human for the rest of eternity. There's nothing superior about either side - just human nature. Advice directed at introverts is probably more necessary because the introverts I know are less likely to seek out the support and relationships they need, whereas the extroverts I know wouldn't hesitate.

You seem to think that other people think about you all the time; I promise they don't

Nobody here has said this. I doubt anyone here has even thought this.

If you have never experienced having to put down a book you were enjoying so you can have a conversation with the person sitting next to you, or interrupt your run to speak to other joggers, great. Others have. It's not that introverts think they're burdened with being so cool and special that others simply must interrupt their precious time. FWIW I love a good chat on a train or with a fellow runner. It's just that at times I would really prefer to relax and enjoy my book. It's nothing against the other person at all. But I know it is usually considered rude and a rejection if they want to strike up a conversation and it isn't reciprocated. As others have said on here, when people talk about being introverts, they're trying to help people understand they're not just being rude, weird twats. They're certainly not dismissing extroverts either.

@Arsewell I don’t think those examples are specific to introverts though. Saying hello when jogging - am sure it’s more whether you’re having a good or bad day in terms of cheery hellos.
Book on the train - that does depend - if you’re commuting and a colleague gets on - totally normal to continue with the book (or hide and pretend you didn’t see them). Don’t think that’s a particularly introverted thing. On the other hand if you’ve say just met up with a friend to get the train somewhere together - getting your book straight out would be rude.

The sensible thing to do would be to realise that both Is and Es have something to offer the workplace, but in different ways, and to incorporate both of the above work scenarios into our cultures and let people play to their strengths.

We've had training courses over Introvert/Extrovert etc to understand both personality traits, and preferences, but then it just continues to be a workplace for the extroverted with open plan offices, endless meetings etc etc as you state in your post.

Working from home has been a blessing for a lot of us.

@annabel85 do you think that anyone, regardless of personality type actually likes endless meetings? Or for that matter open plan?

I’m an introvert and I love open plan. I live walking in and just plonking myself down where I like and not knowing who will be round me that day (although that’s more to do with hot desking) The thought of being stuck in a small office with the same people every day makes me anxious.

Do you think that anyone, regardless of personality type actually likes endless meetings? Or for that matter open plan?

Someone must do otherwise they wouldn't be so prevalent.

I actually don't mind open plan too much, you can chat a little when you want and focus on your own stuff when you want. Distractions are the biggest issue there. It's much easier than being in an office with just one other person.

@Sakura7 It’s the norm because it’s far less expensive. But my point is people are saying that things like open plan offices and meetings are “how the world is geared towards extroverts”. No - Many extroverts don’t like these things either.

But my point is people are saying that things like open plan offices and meetings are “how the world is geared towards extroverts”. No - Many extroverts don’t like these things either.

Meetings was one example but covering a broad area with training courses etc. The amount of times you have to sit on a training course and then introduce yourself and have icebreakers and games and things like that. It's hell for a lot of introverts, but we're expected to get on with it and be team players. Same for things like Christmas lunch, team nights out, getting involved in all decorations for events like Christmas or the World Cup.

It's so often easier to get ahead in the office if you're very outgoing and bubbly, assertive and put yourself about, than if you just sit there and get your work done.