To ask when you knew you were ready to have a baby?

[OneLeafHill]

And did you ‘wait’ for marriage if that was on the cards?

DP and I are early 30s - talk about getting married in probably next few years but no immediate plans (not engaged yet). We also both definitely want children in the future. We are in a good financial and housing situation.

Other than the fact I want to be married first (my personal preference, not judging anyone who isn’t married but has children!) there isn’t really any reason why we wouldn’t start trying for a family soon.

However, the thought of losing my freedom and work being more difficult to manage etc. makes me terrified. But I also don’t want to just presume it will happen quickly and wait more than a few more years. I like the concept of having children and know I want them but thinking about the reality scares me so much and I’m worried I’d be unhappy.

Do you ever get to a point where you ‘know’ you’re ready and it feels right to start trying? If so, when was it or what triggered it?

I know for some people it’s a happy accident!

@elainesummers - getting some normality back - getting back to exercise - getting more sleep!! I find a lovely balance too with two, we are balanced in terms of having one on one time, two on one is manageable! :)

I spent most of my early 30s single and insistently telling people that I didn't want kids. A few months ago having a few drinks at home with DP I had a bit of an out of the blue emotional outburst over the fact that I'd been telling everyone I didn't want them because I thought it would never happen and was just trying desperately to convince myself it was my decision, not my circumstances. We decided pretty much that night to ditch the contraception.

I was terrified at first but the more time passes the more comfortable I am. We're pretty OK financially and have options available to us if one day we weren't so comfortable, we've both done our travelling and partying days to death, and while I'm sure if we're not lucky enough to have them we'll still have a lovely life, we want to create a family together now to enhance that.

I had my last at 33 and I have three dcs. I always wanted to have children and love having a family. I’m so glad that I did it relatively young and now getting more time back and I’m 36.
It’s definitely not for everyone though. Also I’m very wary of people acting like the baby bit is the only hard bit to “get over”, every age has its challenges. The first year was an absolute walk in the park for us, 1-4 were way more challenging. My older ones are 6 and 9 so good ages but still loads of challenges.
Everything changes completely when you have kids but there’s loads we can still do (and we have absolutely zero family support like in terms of babysitters, none of our parents or brothers and sisters have ever babysat the kids ever) , we still go running, we swap over for sleep ins etc, my body is totally normal etc. Buuuuut , the sleep thing was so, so, so hard and my body is still adjusting to 6-7 years of very little sleep. I naively thought you could control all that and more things but you can’t.
That’s the thing, things aren’t totally in your control when you have kids, look at the covid situation.
I work freelance but can’t now as my children haven’t been in school /childcare for almost 6 months and there’s every chance of more disruption which had an impact on both our careers. There’s no nursery where we live and very few childminders and they are all full. Bbsitting here where I’m from is 10 euros an hour so too expensive for us. Also what if your child had special needs?
I’m just saying these things as its often more than the baby years that are difficult, it’s years and years of amazing times and loads of challenges.
I think it’s really good that you are thinking it through as it’s a massive decision and I think children should be really wanted.

I also agree, definitely get married first. I wouldn’t have had children pre marriage for security reasons .