To delay mmr vaccine

[Coriandersucks]

I know aibu but my question is really relating to how long can I delay it without putting my child’s health at risk?

The reason being, childs father has been experiencing some mental health problems since lockdown and has asked that we delay giving our 3 year old second mmr dose whilst he looks into the ‘ingredients’ (paranoia around aborted foetuses going in apparently).

I have pointed out that the ingredients are listed on the nhs website but he wants to see it in writing, via a letter from virgin health or whoever, to confirm. If he’s happy with it then he will ‘allow’ the vaccine to go ahead.

I will be getting my child vaccinated regardless but I know it will be at the expense of my relationship If he disagrees hence why I would like to know if anyone has any idea about the guidelines as I can’t seem to find anything online. The cdc says it could be up to 2 years but that’s American isn’t it?

I hope the GP takes this further. I hope they do raise formal welfare concerns. People like OP's OH need to face consequences.

Why the hell did you ring and tell the nurse? You’ve just made things ten times more difficult for yourself.

I thought you meant that you were ringing to book the vaccination.

If I were you now, I would definitely make an appointment to speak to the GP regarding your concerns for your partner’s mental health.

Do you know what SSPE is, OP? The risk is greater if your child is under 1 when they contract measles, but older children have developed it.

The ball you have started rolling now is a necessary one, I fear, seeing as you've shown you are allowing your huaband's irrational beliefs to influence your decisions on your children's care and welfare. if I were the nurse, I would be wondering if you were afraid of him.

It may seem easiest to give in/humour him over a single issue, but it'll be one thing and then another.

To clarify, I meant that you’ve made it more difficult to get your child vaccinated now.

In terms of sorting out your partner’s mental health problems, this will hopefully have resulted in some action.

She wasn’t coming at it from child welfare concerns she was more worried about their position legally if they went ahead and gave the vaccine without his permission. She’s called again and said on the basis that it’s in the child’s interests to have the vaccine they would be happy to do it. So that’s what I’m going to do.

I have no other concerns for my child’s welfare in relation to their dad other than this vaccine issue although I understand that may not be the case for much longer but I will deal with that as and when the time comes.

OP I know you have repeatedly said you love him and so on, you don't want to break up - but this is just the start of his crazy conspiracy stuff. It will probably get worse, this won't be the last time or the last issue you deal with around this - I mean, he already seems to be talking about a 'reckoning'?? Do you realise how mad that sounds?? I think he has normalised it for you.

Why do you want to be with someone who is a rabid Trump supporter anyway? This infers that he probably believes in Trump's racist and sexist views, or at least finds them acceptable, which is worrying.

Please get your baby vaccinated for you peace of mind. Do you have friends you can talk to about your H?

I would just go and get it done. Your child’s health (and the health of the community for herd immunity ) is more important. Don’t wait as it’s not a rational issue your husband is trying to sort out. Not without sympathy for your husband (and you for that) but the answer is an easy one here.

Well, you've had a good outcome in the sense that they are willing to give the vaccine with your consent. That's a positive.

So now go ahead and do it - but keep an eye out for your OH as he is likely to continue to believe the conspiracy theories , and that will affect your life adversely.

You’re deluding yourself if you think his paranoia isn’t affecting your child.

Good news that you've sorted the vaccination issue, just get it done now.

Let us know how his currency speculation works out. I hope he doesn't put the rent money into bitcoin.

I have no other concerns for my child’s welfare in relation to their dad other than this vaccine issue

Really? You can’t see how being brought up in a household where at least one parent is so paranoid and absorbed in conspiracy theories to the point putting their child’s health at risk, might impact a child negatively? The fact that you are unwilling to do something until it’s too late, even though his crazy behaviour has encroached itself on to his child already, is also not at all ok.

The nurse saying she needed to speak to the GP about your husband is usually a good indicator that her alarm bells are going off about child welfare. I would seriously suggest not being this blasé when it comes to a conversation with your GP or the nurse. They’re going to need to see you are on top of this properly.

I’m sorry for the tough love but it just sounds like you need to wake up and how serious this situation could get.

If your child has had one dose of is likely that they have immunity. The second dose of the vaccine is to catch the ~10% who are not immune from the first dose. So, on balance, a slight delay is not really an excessive risk.

FWIW some people do have an ethical objection to the rubella component of the vaccine because the cell lines came from aborted foetuses.

I’m sorry for the tough love but it just sounds like you need to wake up and how serious this situation could get.

I’m fully aware of how serious this situation can get, but I’m hopeful things might still turn around although that is looking less likely but I’m taking it a day at a time.

I’m not going to rush throwing away what was an otherwise excellent relationship with a (up until this vaccine issue) pretty much perfect dad to our children.

You wouldn’t be throwing anything away. He is by refusing to deal with his paranoia.

The Gp's office will have made a note of this incident. By mentioning this to a GP, you have opened yourself up to child welfare concerns about YOU. Because now, if you wait until November to appease your DP's paranoid fantasies, you will be taking a decision against the child's best interest. If a picture starts to build up of him denying your child medical treatment (because what's next after this?), and you hesistate again to act for your child, you are putting yourself in a very difficult position.

No waiting for November. Great that you have sorted this out with the GP, go get it done v soon.

By the way, your dc are going to believe this Qanon shite too, you know. Dad will be indoctrinating them against sheeple like you. If you stay with him, you are sending the message that legitimates his beliefs. And that's going to be way more dangerous than postponing the 2nd MMR.

Hi Op

Another one here saying please don't delay, but just to check, these vaccines are given at 3 years 4 months I'm not sure if your child has just turned 3 or is this age but cannot be given before the 3 years 4 months,

Its a difficult situation, another site to direct you to is the Oxford Vaccine project, they have lots of non biased info about vacicne ingrediants,

Yes there will be some cover but the mmr is a two dose programme for a reason so best not to delay

Hope you get it sorted

I know someone who is very, very anti-vax. They also said that currently if their 9 month old baby needed hospital treatment they would NOT take them and would rather take their chances at home! Rather than risk catching Covid-19. They believe babies are being placed on wards with adults. They are also anti-mask wearing. oh and he won't allow his partner to have a microwave in the house because they are 'bad for your health'..........but smoked cannabis.......and a flat earther too.....but it started off as only anti-vax and medication and then progressed. This is just to show you how things can go from something fairly minor to huge.

I’m a practice nurse and legally if we know that one parent with PR does not consent to immunisation then we cannot immunise.
It has to be be joint or court ordered. And with family court not sitting, or they’re still delayed, you won’t have a cat in hells chance of getting to court.
If I was that nurse I would not be immunising you child the second you told me dad didn’t consent. I could lose my job and my career.

Why would you alert the nurse to it? I'm baffled 🤷‍♀️

Here

dear op, i think you have been affected by living with this man. you seem to be in denial about the situation.
have you spoken to your parents, if not do so.
i think you need to hear more ordinary rational people whom you can trust.
it's as if you have been distorted slightly out of balance.
this issue is not something you should be seeking a consensus on. it is not like trying to agree whether to name the child sidney or herbert.
but you seem to be presenting it, and trying to address it yourself, like that. this is what i mean by distortion.
please listen to all the wise and concerned posters above.
some of them have expertise in these areas, child health, vaccination, and mental health issues. your child will be affected by the abnormal atmosphere.

Mid August: 'DC's got a bit of a red mark on their arm'

'Let me see. Hmmm. When did we last flea treat the cat? I'll get some more from the vet'.

November: 'Those evil reptiles/aliens/paedophile priest filmstars have got away with it again'

'About that MMR..'

'DON'T YOU KNOW IT'S ALL A BABY FARMING CHIP TRACKING 5G CONSPIRACY?'

'Oh, OK. Well, DC already had the first dose last year, hopefully that'll cover it. What do you want for tea?'

I’m fully aware of how serious this situation can get, but I’m hopeful things might still turn around although that is looking less likely but I’m taking it a day at a time.

You're going to be living in hope for a long time.
Have you ever seen a conspiracy theorist proved wrong who then changed their views? They simply move on to the next thing, kick the date of the apocalypse down the road, etc.
He's not going to back down in November when absolutely fuck-all happens. He's going to be on to the next insane QAnon theory, and your child will still be at risk for infectious diseases in a post-covid world.

Someone posted this link to a BBC report about QAnon. You should have a look OP. I had no idea it was spreading outside the US or so quickly.

www.bbc.com/news/av/world-53507579/qanon-coronavirus-and-the-conspiracy-cult

You should also have a look here at the experience of others in your position:

www.reddit.com/r/QAnonCasualties/

I obviously would never have contacted the nurse if I thought it would put them in an awkward situation if things got to court - I just wanted some straightforward answers about delaying and whether I could take my child to another surgery if needed. As I’ve already said they are happy to do it anyway so it’s all booked in, I might use the cat flea defense @MitziK

@MissConductUS thank you so much for that Reddit link, I’ve never used reddit before but have signed up and having just read a couple of threads i know I can get some good support there too.