Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For not wanting to see this child ever again?

369 replies

justchecking80 · 02/08/2020 22:59

Today son (6yo) and I met acquaintance mum and her child (4yo) for lunch and play in the park. We are both in a larger group due to go on holiday with kids later in August and mum approached me asking for a playdate so the kids "can get to know each other".
This child is "difficult" and prone to aggressive behaviour and tantrums. We've been out with them a couple of time and child has been very physical, in one instance even wrapping his arm around my son's neck.

Anyway, we met for lunch and things went ok, although towards the end child decided he wanted to lay down on his and son's chair so my son had to stand up while his mum was finishing her meal. Also, at one point the child started screaming extremely loudly with people staring at us.
We then went to the park where child has been:

  • throwing sand on my son, aiming to his face
  • being disobedient and totally disregarding what his mum was asking him to do/not to do
  • invited my son to a race with their scooters, resulting in me and mum losing sight of them for a good 10 minutes, I've never once lost my son before. During this time my son got slightly injured falling from the swing while child was pushing.
  • throwing gravel stones at me and my son, and carrying on after his mum asked him to stop
  • at the end of the playdate, we were due to leave and by now I was looking forward to it to catch the train home and after I asked the child to return my son's scooter because we needed to run for the train he decided to run away with it while his mum chasing him for a good 10 minute, resulting in us actually missing the train
  • when we finally got hold of them (mum was still trying to take the scooter out of child' hands) I told the child he was being naughty and he replied I am a stinky poop
  • we then left mum and child behind to try to get the train child was having a meltdown anyway but after realising that was too late we slowed down our pace, resulting in mum and child catching up with us and having to walk together while child kept calling me stinky poop for several times ignoring him mum's plea to stop.

AIBU for not wanting to meet this child ever again and now dreading to have to spend a week with them in August?

OP posts:
hiredandsqueak · 03/08/2020 18:22

OP do your child a favour and let him know that misbehaving even when you think he has been led astray is going to earn him a consequence because unless he takes responsibility for his own actions he won't ever learn from them. Plus you will be pretty unpopular with other parents if you blame other children for your own child's behaviour.

Hedgyhoggy · 03/08/2020 18:25

Some of these comments are so depressing. Special needs or not the child is 4!! Why invest so much in playground prattle. Go on holiday and set a good example to your child by trying to get on with everyone, even when they are not like you. Great to hear that so many of you would ‘steer clear’ of my son who happens to have a learning disability and who can in the majority be a delight but at others become totally overwhelmed and very challenging.

BangingOn · 03/08/2020 18:43

Your text didn’t specify that she needs to supervise her child, only that they shouldn’t play unsupervised. I’d put money on her leaving the two of them with you on the holiday if she gets a chance.

footballinterferingagain · 03/08/2020 18:45

Stinky poop 🤣

CelestialSpanking · 03/08/2020 18:58

No idea if the little boy has any additional needs, either way your so is responsible for his own actions, not another, younger child. The message you sent the other mum... I wouldn’t have sent it. It really does sound like you are blaming her child for your son’s naughty behaviour (the running off). And that simply isn’t on. My son (who has ASD and ADHD) has wrecked his fair share of days out and if someone sent me that message at the end of a difficult day they’d have got a swift fuck off right back, nowadays. A few years ago I’d have taken it to heart and been apologetic even though I would have said sorry over and over all day long. It would have been a real kick me when I’m already down.

YANBU to back out of the group holiday- no way would I want to go on holiday with a load of other parents and their kids unless I was sure we knew each other very well and were on the same sort of page parenting wise.

Taikoo · 03/08/2020 19:40

Tough crowd in here tonight.

That child does sounds terribly badly behaved.

HarrietM87 · 03/08/2020 19:53

Back out of the holiday, or go and supervise your own child.

But I think your text was really smug and totally transparent. The other mum may well pull out now. Maybe that’s what you wanted?

Mittens030869 · 03/08/2020 19:54

The child sounds badly behaved, no one is disputing that. But a lot of Mumsnet posters have DC with SEN, and they have had to cope with that kind of behaviour and felt judged by other parents. (Including myself, though thankfully the bad behaviour was mostly displayed at home and not out and about thankfully.)

But the OP also blamed this child for her DS going off for 10 minutes on the scooter, despite her DS being 2 years older. I'm sorry but that was her own mistake.

And the text was completely unnecessary. At one time, that would have really upset me, when my DD1 was being violent to me at home (not something I ever talked to other parents about it). You never know what's actually going on that you don't know about.

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 03/08/2020 20:42

@footballinterferingagain

Stinky poop 🤣
Hilarious until he hears a new, more offensive, swear word that his mum can’t stop him from saying to people. A five year old calling someone a “cunt” for example, would get pretty tiresome I imagine.
Timekeeper1 · 03/08/2020 22:30

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Timekeeper1 · 03/08/2020 22:35

The other mum may well pull out now.

I can almost guarantee she won't. The mother sounds like she has no self awareness, no awareness of how her son affects others, and is far too selfish to care. She doesn't give a stuff. People like that never pull out. It's always the good people, the victims, the bullied and people like the OP that pull out of these things. The mother wouldn't even give it a second thought.

Timekeeper1 · 03/08/2020 22:40

Hilarious until he hears a new, more offensive, swear word that his mum can’t stop him from saying to people.
A five year old calling someone a “cunt” for example, would get pretty tiresome I imagine.

Unfortunately I think many of the permissive parents on here wouldn't give a stuff about that word either, knowing their type. People who laugh at a child calling adults 'stinky shit' would not care less about the c word. They're just rough and the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. I am shocked at the people on here who think a child speaking to an elder like that is 'funny'. Not surprised though, sadly.

auntieElle · 03/08/2020 22:44

And don't give me this SEN/ADHD/ASD stuff, I worked at a school and these kids can behave if they want to, it's all an excuse.

Let’s hope that your days working in a school are well behind you, @Timekeeper1. With those ignorant “beliefs and opinions” you shouldn’t be around children. And that’s from someone who loathes boundaryless parenting.

Timekeeper1 · 03/08/2020 22:48

@auntieElle What I said was the truth. There are many on here who shouldn't be around children, and it's not me. Using special needs as an excuse for bad behaviour is insulting to those genuinely with SEN. SEN doesn't make you disrespectful to authority and rude, it doesn't make you call elders stinky shits to their face, it doesn't make a child selfish and badly behaved. I feel sad that you apparently think it does.

Porcupineinwaiting · 03/08/2020 22:48

God @Timekeeper1 I hope you dont still work in a school. Or with children in any capacity.

Timekeeper1 · 03/08/2020 22:50

@Porcupineinwaiting another person who doesn't live in the real world and is perhaps simply proving my point?

Timekeeper1 · 03/08/2020 22:51

There are parents on here that teachers classify as 'those parents' and really dread speaking to.

Dylaninthemovies1 · 03/08/2020 22:53

To be fair, you sound like a stinky poop to me (and smell like one too)

IKEA888 · 03/08/2020 22:54

Typical mumsnet to start up with the you don't know scenarios.
The OP is telling about the experience she had and how it impacts on her expectations of her holiday.
He sounds a nightnare for what ever reason.

BumbleBeee69 · 03/08/2020 22:57

Timekeeper1

Hallelujah Grin

auntieElle · 03/08/2020 22:59

I’m a special needs TA, @Timekeeper1. You’re trying to slightly change what you said now, but it’s there for all to see. And don’t put words into my mouth, thank you.

Thisismytimetoshine · 03/08/2020 23:01

@Dylaninthemovies1

To be fair, you sound like a stinky poop to me (and smell like one too)
What an embarrassingly stupid post 🤦‍♀️
hammie46i · 03/08/2020 23:01

I really dislike being around badly behaved or disrespectful children, I don't care what the reason is for the disrespect and poor behaviour, I have better things to do with my time. OP has the right also to avoid anyone (including kids) she doesn't want her or her son to be around, regardless of the reason. That doesn't make her a bad person. It means she's exercising her freedom to choose. Some of the people here judging her, makes me wonder about their motives for doing so.

Timekeeper1 · 03/08/2020 23:02

If that is so, @auntieElle you shouldn't be going around suggesting children with SEN don't know the difference between right and wrong, that they have a reason to behave like that. Imo your attitude is as offensive to me, as mine may be to you. It makes me sad that a special needs TA thinks that SEN causes this type of behaviour.

auntieElle · 03/08/2020 23:03

@Timekeeper1

There are parents on here that teachers classify as 'those parents' and really dread speaking to.
And there are people working in schools who like to think they’ve seen it all, and could handle “difficult” kids just fine if it was left to them Hmm They’re usually not classroom based. They wouldn’t last five minutes.