To send my 6 year old into the shop?

[whenwewereyoung]

My DD is 6 - 7 in October. Quite often I will drive her to the spar and send her in for things while I stay in the car.

I send her in with a little list and also sometimes she has to get electricity on the key which means she has to speak to the person behind the counter.

She enjoys this and feels very grown up and proud of herself doing this, I think it's teaching her a bit of independence and she knows I am just outside if she needs me.

However, my friend has suggested this is too young and is pretty "horrified".

AIBU?

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/time.com/5578064/esther-wojcicki-raise-successful-kids/%3famp=true

The article I was talking about!

You can't win as a parent. I get absolutely slated by various other parents locally because my younger kids apparently have too much freedom. My older kids don't get enough (because they're not allowed to booze in the park) and their curfews are inconsistent (because they are tailored to where they are going).

I'm neglectful because my 10yo has been walking to and from school alone for a couple of years.

Yet when my 15yo DD reacted quickest and best of everyone when a child was knocked outside church the same people still can't grasp the correlation between her reaction and her being exposed to problem solving on a smaller scale over the years.

@ChristmasinJune my daughter knows how to do a simple transaction in a shop, she has seen me do it thousands of times, no need for me to be there to supervise and the shop keepers do not have to do anything other than serve her, fill up the elec key and fill up her slushie which they would be doing regardless of who is there.

She is also told that if they don't have the item or she can't find it to just leave it, I wouldn't want her to get stressed out.

I'm unsure of what you suggest I do in order to teach her the skills? How can I make her independent without allowing her to be independent? Have I to stand and say to her "okay DD now tap the card on the card machine"? Why would I do that when she knows perfectly well how to do it as she has seen me do the same thousands of times. Are you suggesting that I teach her what bread is? Or what butter is? Done ✅

What is it you suggest I do please @ChristmasinJune ?

I guess it depends on the child?

I was made to go the shop at age 8 and I hated it. But my mum had agoraphobia so I had no choice.

It sounds like your DD enjoys it though and you're right outside so... no harm.

I can't see myself feeling comfortable doing this any time soon but I wouldn't judge other parents that do.

I think its great, builds up confidence and independence. If you're just outside in the car and can keep an eye on the shop, I wouldn't have a problem at all with this at all, in fact, I applaud it and did similar with my DD's who are now both independent in their teens.

I also think it can depend on factors such as what the shop is like... what the customers might be like - I've seen a few drunk people at our local shop for example and I wouldn't want to risk that. Plus our shop keepers are over friendly as it is!

Depends on the kid, depends on the shop. One of mine would have been capable of doing this if we lived somewhere we could do (our local shop closed a while ago and the next local is a petrol station forecourt so it's not viable) - the other wouldn't manage it a year or so later.

I've started working on things like making judgements about crossing roads etc with the eldest so she's going to be able to walk down to the next furthest shop herself in a little while once the pandemic hysteria is over.

At least it's not 10 year old me who was sent down to the paper shop with a note from my mum to buy her fags - and they would sell them to me!

I got 'reported' to school a couple of years back because I waited outside little Tesco in the car while DD1, then 8/9 went in for milk. Nosey parent had seen me do this a couple of times so told the head .

DD2 is now 8 and would be doing this if it wasn't for sodding Covid. I think it's good for them to get some practise in. I don't know if I'd do it at 6 but she's your child and you know her best so it's none of my business.

@DominaShantotto yes I too went to shop got fags for my mum
A Note wrapped up with money to inc a sweetie for me
Handed it over, given fags and sweeties

What on earth is wrong with you! I have a six year 7 year old next week, I wouldn't dream of sending her. Ds started going to the shop when he was in year 6.

My mum works in a supermarket and sometimes quite young children will come in without a parent to buy things. Staff are often in high alert and basically keeping an eye on the child when a parent should be doing so instead of standing outside the shop or sitting in the car. Quite frankly this isn't part of their job.

If I've sent my dc in to a shop its because I've deemed them capable and the staff have no requirement or reason to watch them or treat them any differently to any other costumer outside if age restricted products.

I probably wouldn't do it now, but during normal times I would probably be okay with it.
However your friend isn't completely wrong to be concerned. Terrible things are very unlikely to happen, but I do know someone who was a bystander to a robbery in a shop at that age.

[quote SentientAndCognisant]@DominaShantotto yes I too went to shop got fags for my mum
A Note wrapped up with money to inc a sweetie for me
Handed it over, given fags and sweeties[/quote]
Yep, used to get sent to the offie for fags along with a note from my mum when I was not much older that OP's DD. Sometimes in the evenings! Usually a bag of crisps was part of the deal. I turned out fine, don't even smoke.

OP, if your DD is happy to do this, then it's fine. Kids should learn to help out.

I do this all the time. Send in DS for a choc bar, give him my credit card, all his has to do is beep the card.

@midnightstar66

I'm horrified that she's horrified, but not surprised. A friend was once shocked I let dd who was 5 at the time request and pay for her own bus ticket. These are essential skills. Not like she's going to go on and buy booze and fags, I can't see where the issue is!

My grandchildren only get to go on the bus when they're with me. Highlight of their trip is asking for and getting their own ticket! Youngest has been doing it since they were 4!

Hmm, not sure really. I remember ex trying to force dd up to the counter to buy herself a lemonade in a cafe at that age and she got very upset and stressed out about it. I think some children that age might be fine with it but many won't and I would worry that they were doing it to please me or I had made them do it before they felt ready to. They nearly all get there in the end, I don't understand the competitive independence for kids on MN. As always loads of adults staying how great this kind of thing is for kids and upbringing etc but but no six year olds saying what they think.

Theres so bloody little to occupy children in these times. I bet she loves doing it, sounds fine to me if its local shop you know well.

@AllsortsofAwkward

What on earth is wrong with you! I have a six year 7 year old next week, I wouldn't dream of sending her. Ds started going to the shop when he was in year 6.

What on earth is wrong with you? That’s very overprotective.

Ps DS is 3.5 and always desperate to do the paying in shops!

My 5 year old suggested she drive us home yesterday. Maybe I should have let her as this is, you know, a life skill...

Allsortsofawkward didnt your children ever want to do it?!

CantSleepClownsWillEatMe ..........

Indeed Worra and it’s no exaggeration to say that I’ve seen every one of those examples decried as parental laziness on MN over the years, whether applied to a 6 or a 16 year old!

I wonder sometimes whether there’s a connection between this type of upbringing and the I can’t cope with a shop assistant making polite conversation or an old person patted my toddler on the head and various other ordinary human interactions some posters struggle so much to cope with.

Yep and the "My DP can't work a washing machine/thinks all the housework is solely down to me."

It gets ingrained from an early age that these things are always someone else's responsibility, rather than working as a family.

What on earth is wrong with you! I have a six year 7 year old next week, I wouldn't dream of sending her. Ds started going to the shop when he was in year 6.

Yeesh! What is wrong with you not seeing the benefits to a child learning skills as early as possible?

Dodo 😁

Oh thought that was a big laughing smilie on my phone