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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to complain that Doctor was virtually falling asleep in the consultation?

229 replies

BornOnThe4thJuly · 02/08/2020 00:21

I took my DC for a Consultant appointment and the Doctor’s eyes were shutting for a split second constantly for the first hour or so but eventually he came round a bit towards the end.
Was I being unreasonable to say I want to see someone else? I can’t see how he can have taken in what we were saying, so god knows what the notes will say that he was typing.
It was very warm in the room, and it was late in the day, probably after a long week for him. I feel he should’ve excused himself though and gone and washed his face, got 2 mins fresh air, got a coffee, done something basically to sort himself out. Then returned to finish the assessment in a properly awake state!
I’m very annoyed at myself for not saying anything at the time. I was very taken aback and couldn’t think of what on earth to say to him, apart from WTF are you playing at!

OP posts:
Emeraldshamrock · 04/08/2020 07:45

@linsey2581 An autism diagnosis is a much easier one on DMV. OP is looking for an ADHD diagnosis. It takes lots of testing as can be misdiagnosed. Psychologist will explore every avenue while manifests in self destruction in the DC.
Your situation was 14 years ago things change.
ADD and ADHD are very different. Your NHS comment was a dig.

Emeraldshamrock · 04/08/2020 07:46

Meant ASD and ADHD are very different.

Emeraldshamrock · 04/08/2020 07:56

@NYEdoctor
I suspect if the doctor was able to doze off - your child does not have ADHD. The last ADHD assessment I did the child through a wooden brick at the back of my head
As a doctor I'd assume you are aware not all sufferers are violent . My DD an ADHD assessment she was diagnosed as ADD. She is a lovely child she sat quietly throughout.
It is that kind if attitude from professionals which results in diagnosing bold DC and misdiagnosing sufferers.

Original poster
BornOnThe4thJuly · 04/08/2020 07:56

@NYEdoctor

I suspect if the doctor was able to doze off - your child does not have ADHD. The last ADHD assessment I did the child Through a wooden brick at the back of my head ...
I suggest it’s very worrying that as a health professional, you think that every child with ADHD is violent all the time! All kids are different, including kids with ADHD.
OP posts:
Original poster
BornOnThe4thJuly · 04/08/2020 07:57

[quote Emeraldshamrock]@NYEdoctor
I suspect if the doctor was able to doze off - your child does not have ADHD. The last ADHD assessment I did the child through a wooden brick at the back of my head
As a doctor I'd assume you are aware not all sufferers are violent . My DD an ADHD assessment she was diagnosed as ADD. She is a lovely child she sat quietly throughout.
It is that kind if attitude from professionals which results in diagnosing bold DC and misdiagnosing sufferers.[/quote]
Cross post. Agreed with bells on! It’s that kind of attitude that left his Dad undiagnosed until he was an adult.

OP posts:
Emeraldshamrock · 04/08/2020 07:58

@BornOnThe4thJuly Shocking comment from a professional.
Let's hope NYEdoctor is a troll.

LouisaM100 · 04/08/2020 08:05

Yanbu, Similar thing happened to my husband in the hospital, however it was a nurse taking blood who was falling asleep whilst doing it. He couldn't keep his eyes open and was mumbling when spoken to then blood ended up splattering all over my husband and the floor. My husband had to complain to other staff as he was genuinely concerned for the man, then he was probably sent home because he didn't see him again that day. Insane.

Original poster
BornOnThe4thJuly · 04/08/2020 09:17

@LouisaM100

Yanbu, Similar thing happened to my husband in the hospital, however it was a nurse taking blood who was falling asleep whilst doing it. He couldn't keep his eyes open and was mumbling when spoken to then blood ended up splattering all over my husband and the floor. My husband had to complain to other staff as he was genuinely concerned for the man, then he was probably sent home because he didn't see him again that day. Insane.
That’s absolutely shocking! I don’t know how someone couldn’t be aware that they’re falling asleep.
OP posts:
CrowdedHouseinQuarantine · 04/08/2020 09:28

[quote linsey2581]@BornOnThe4thJuly My now 17 year old son was diagnosed autistic after 4 months at 4 years old. Not quite sure how it would take 2-3 years. When it comes to your child’s health you need to grow a back bone, dig your heels in and speak up instead of wimping out and complaining online![/quote]
@linsey,
times have changed in the 13 years,

i imagine the op has dug her heels in considering she has paid for this assessment

CrowdedHouseinQuarantine · 04/08/2020 09:32

plus, your son's autism diagnosis at 4 years may have been prioritized before starting school @linsey2581

Original poster
BornOnThe4thJuly · 04/08/2020 09:56

[quote linsey2581]@BornOnThe4thJuly My now 17 year old son was diagnosed autistic after 4 months at 4 years old. Not quite sure how it would take 2-3 years. When it comes to your child’s health you need to grow a back bone, dig your heels in and speak up instead of wimping out and complaining online![/quote]
@linsey2581 I’m not sure how you can’t understand that the NHS waiting list in our area for ADHD assessments in 2-3 years. What’s confusing about that?
I also don’t understand why people like you have such a problem with someone paying for private doctors appointments. I am worried about my son and didn’t want him to have to wait years for some help.
As for “wimping out” I can assure you I was in no way wimping out of anything, as I’ve said more than once I have a condition that makes concentration difficult, and I couldn’t order my thoughts to work out what to say to him at the time. I then emailed the clinic and explained my concerns and asked if we could discuss how to resolve things.

OP posts:
NavyBerry · 04/08/2020 10:21

YNBU, yes, he is a poor bloke. Might have had a hard night. But it is unprofessional not to try and reschedule the appointment or not do smth to wake up and PAY attention to you and your DC. Time wasted for all involved

Emeraldshamrock · 04/08/2020 10:25

Make notes before your next visit it'll help with concentration.

drspouse · 04/08/2020 10:49

Children who are diagnosed with ASD at 4 are often more "obvious"; they rarely diagnose ADHD at this age because it can be age-appropriate activity levels and they don't like to medicate before 6 anyway.

Plus, waiting lists have massively increased recently.

My DS does throw things but only when he feels unsafe. In the (private) consultant's waiting room he was feeling safe (both parents there, not being asked to do anything).

csigeek · 04/08/2020 11:11

Sorry if you've answered this.
It was a private consultation? Was it at a private facility or an NHS facility?
If it was NHS I'd be inclined to say you are a little unreasonable as he's probably completely overworked, but would still agree it's unprofessional and he could have done as you said and excused himself to freshen up.
If it was a private facility I'd assume he'd be far less overworked and that it was completely unprofessional and another consultant should have taken over if possible. At the least he should have sorted himself out and apologised.
It's unfair to be so distracted when it's a private consultation that you're paying through the nose for yourselves. You have every right to be angry no matter what the circumstance.

drspouse · 04/08/2020 11:39

She has answered that @csigeek and if you read the OP's posts you will see that.
Most private consultants have already done a full day's NHS work.

csigeek · 04/08/2020 11:47

@drspouse like I said, sorry if she'd answered that. I don't sit on Mumsnet all day so didn't have time to read 9 pages to be honest!
If you'd read my post you'd see I'd said exactly the same about NHS workload. There isn't really any need for you to be so curt so maybe have a cup of tea and a biscuit

CoalCraft · 04/08/2020 11:59

Were there other indications of sleepiness, e.g. nodding head, slow speech, yawning, long time too respond to questions? If yes then yanbu, if both then yabu and the guy probably just had a funny mannerism.

drspouse · 04/08/2020 13:29

I don't sit on Mumsnet all day so didn't have time to read 9 pages to be honest!
Nobody's expecting you to. Just click on the link to read all the OP's posts. Will take you 5 minutes.

FelicisNox · 04/08/2020 16:25

@BornOnThe4thJuly YANBU and it's not too late to complain. The problem is, many of these consultants work full time for the NHS and moonlight one day per week as private practitioners and he's clearly burning the candle at both ends.

I would contact the clinic or his secretary and complain.

YABU however for drip feeding.

You should have stated in your original post: I visited a private doctor for an ADHD consultation, it was 2hrs which I appreciate was a long appointment and it was warm but I paid a lot of money and I dont think it's too much to ask that the doctor be alert and engaged.

None of us are idiots and presented with ALL the information we would have voted accordingly but you garnered a lot of knee jerk votes from the off and that's on you.

FelicisNox · 04/08/2020 16:29

@csigeek I had no idea you could click on the link and read all OP posts (what link) so don't worry about it.

There's always one harridan that shouts "read all the posts!".

Not only do I rarely read an entire thread (I just post and run) but I NEVER read any responses to my posts. I state my case and I'm gone, never to return.

No fucks given.

drspouse · 04/08/2020 16:33

There's always one harridan that shouts "read all the posts!".
Did I shout?
Did I expect her to read ALL the posts?
Even before the new button, scanning for the OP's colour was quite easy.

Not only do I rarely read an entire thread (I just post and run) but I NEVER read any responses to my posts. I state my case and I'm gone, never to return.
Hmm, good to know. notes username not to bother to read in future

Original poster
BornOnThe4thJuly · 04/08/2020 16:50

[quote FelicisNox]@BornOnThe4thJuly YANBU and it's not too late to complain. The problem is, many of these consultants work full time for the NHS and moonlight one day per week as private practitioners and he's clearly burning the candle at both ends.

I would contact the clinic or his secretary and complain.

YABU however for drip feeding.

You should have stated in your original post: I visited a private doctor for an ADHD consultation, it was 2hrs which I appreciate was a long appointment and it was warm but I paid a lot of money and I dont think it's too much to ask that the doctor be alert and engaged.

None of us are idiots and presented with ALL the information we would have voted accordingly but you garnered a lot of knee jerk votes from the off and that's on you.[/quote]
Why does it matter what the consultation was for? I said it was a long appointment, talked about the first hour, in the original post. I said it was a warm day. I don’t see why the fact it was an ADHD assessment, makes it any worse than any other medical appointment.
As it happened on Saturday, he’d probably worked all week in the NHS, and it was his 2nd to last appointment of the day. I still don’t think it’s acceptable to behave like that.

OP posts:
CrowdedHouseinQuarantine · 04/08/2020 17:56

[quote FelicisNox]@csigeek I had no idea you could click on the link and read all OP posts (what link) so don't worry about it.

There's always one harridan that shouts "read all the posts!".

Not only do I rarely read an entire thread (I just post and run) but I NEVER read any responses to my posts. I state my case and I'm gone, never to return.

No fucks given.[/quote]
yet you came back!

Willowblue40 · 09/08/2020 10:21

Taken aback or not, not a chance I would have left there without my child having an adequate consultation! Formal complaint, ask to be cc’d into the email they will send to your GP and request another appointment while you’re waiting so you’ve got a head start on the wait list if this comes back unsuccessful @BornOnThe4thJuly