AIBU to complain that Doctor was virtually falling asleep in the consultation?

[BornOnThe4thJuly]

I took my DC for a Consultant appointment and the Doctor’s eyes were shutting for a split second constantly for the first hour or so but eventually he came round a bit towards the end.
Was I being unreasonable to say I want to see someone else? I can’t see how he can have taken in what we were saying, so god knows what the notes will say that he was typing.
It was very warm in the room, and it was late in the day, probably after a long week for him. I feel he should’ve excused himself though and gone and washed his face, got 2 mins fresh air, got a coffee, done something basically to sort himself out. Then returned to finish the assessment in a properly awake state!
I’m very annoyed at myself for not saying anything at the time. I was very taken aback and couldn’t think of what on earth to say to him, apart from WTF are you playing at!

Why didn’t you say anything?

@Waytoomuch82

The OP has form for complaining again medical professionals...

I remember you from a recent thread because I remember wondering how the midwife forced a bed bath on you if you weren’t paralysed from the neck down!

** I agree that she, or you, or her partner should ask to speak to the midwife in charge and say she’s not happy for Midwife A to come in her room at all from now on, and she’ll be making a complaint about her.
I had to do this when I had my first, the midwife insisted on giving me a bed bath without my agreement amongst other things. She was a total bitch who wouldn’t help me with breastfeeding and told me to express instead. **

By being a nasty bitch who’d refused to help me get my newborn to latch. Then when I was on the verge of tears after no sleep for 48hrs, she started to give me a bed bath without saying what she was doing or asking for consent.

I hope it didn’t distract you too much from your sons appointment. I have ADHD it does run in families. Often the doctor is also doing an assessment of the parent while the child is being seen. Noticing and being upset by this detail is precisely the sort of thing that would make me upset too. I’d complain. Get my money back and do it again...think about paying for an assessment for yourself. I was diagnosed this year and I’m older it was not diagnosed when I was a child and it is genetic.

@PablosHoney

Why didn’t you say anything?

I didn’t say anything because at the time, I honestly couldn’t think of what to say to him that wouldn’t be rude or confrontational. I didn’t want to cause an atmosphere, especially in front of my young child. I have a health condition that makes concentrating etc difficult, especially when I’m tired, we’d had a long journey, and I massively regret not being able to say something to him at the time. To my great surprise the clinic have emailed me today to say the doctor doesn’t deny that he was struggling to stay awake, he said it’s because the room was very hot.

Eyes shutting for a split second? Maybe he was blinking

@BornOnThe4thJuly maybe you should have stuck with an NHS doctor then!

maybe you should have stuck with an NHS doctor then!
The DC could be a 20 y.o by the time public services are available.

I had a NHS Consultant Paediatrician say to my clinically depressed, under CAMHS daughter “so you think you’re “depressed” do you?” Using the air quotes.
Huge complaint went in!

Because she was PAYING for this private consultation and judged the consultant wasn't giving her his full attention.

Well he has now confirmed he wasn’t so .....she was right.

She should have spoken up at the time, perhaps asked if he was unwell.

Some people don’t find it easy to speak up for various reasons. It’s not unreasonable to expect a doctor to know if he’s fit to do a consultation or not. The responsibility for his work lies with him.

Like another person said, docs have been working long hours atm and trying to keep on top of any other work aswell and aside from any personal issues he may have had. They are only human.

Absolutely. But if someone isn’t fit for work then they should go home, not expect people to put up with their inadequate work. For a doctor I think this is especially important. I went through a terrible time a few years ago with a health issue but I couldn’t expect my customers to accept crap work from me because of this. Their life carried on regardless of my issues. Many people sent me cards and well wishes but they wouldn’t have wanted my work at that time but it would have been crap.

If your kitchen fitter wasn't doing a good job, you'd soon speak up no doubt.*

I would. As I said before, some people struggle with this. Ultimately, if you’re at work, you should be doing a good job.

The DC could be a 20 y.o by the time public services are available.

Exactly. And you may well see the same doctor anyway.

You really don't need to spend two hours paying a private consultant who is barely there for an ADHD assessment. For an EHCP the forms filled in by yourself and school should result in CAMHS doing the assessment for free and this is the one they look at anyway. If you request an EHCP yourself from the SEN team they will use CAMHS and their own educational psychologists anyway so it's a serious waste of money, sorry.

[quote linsey2581]@BornOnThe4thJuly maybe you should have stuck with an NHS doctor then![/quote]
Maybe I didn’t want to wait for 2-3 years...

@pollymere 2 year waitlist for camhs in my area.

My son had been seen, assessed and started medication within 4 weeks of me booking the initial appointment.

We've been on the list for a year and we've moved no further forward and that's with an urgent referral. Camhs isn't the answer for kids who are struggling and need seen now because of the wait times.

@BadTattoosAndSmellLikeBooze

Because she was PAYING for this private consultation and judged the consultant wasn't giving her his full attention.

Well he has now confirmed he wasn’t so .....she was right.

She should have spoken up at the time, perhaps asked if he was unwell.

Some people don’t find it easy to speak up for various reasons. It’s not unreasonable to expect a doctor to know if he’s fit to do a consultation or not. The responsibility for his work lies with him.

Like another person said, docs have been working long hours atm and trying to keep on top of any other work aswell and aside from any personal issues he may have had. They are only human.

Absolutely. But if someone isn’t fit for work then they should go home, not expect people to put up with their inadequate work. For a doctor I think this is especially important. I went through a terrible time a few years ago with a health issue but I couldn’t expect my customers to accept crap work from me because of this. Their life carried on regardless of my issues. Many people sent me cards and well wishes but they wouldn’t have wanted my work at that time but it would have been crap.

If your kitchen fitter wasn't doing a good job, you'd soon speak up no doubt.*

I would. As I said before, some people struggle with this. Ultimately, if you’re at work, you should be doing a good job.

Thank you!

@pollymere

You really don't need to spend two hours paying a private consultant who is barely there for an ADHD assessment. For an EHCP the forms filled in by yourself and school should result in CAMHS doing the assessment for free and this is the one they look at anyway. If you request an EHCP yourself from the SEN team they will use CAMHS and their own educational psychologists anyway so it's a serious waste of money, sorry.

CAMHS is a 2-3 year wait in our area & if my child does have ADHD or another condition, he needs the help and support (and possibly medication) now. It’s affecting his relationships, happiness and learning, so it certainly won’t be a waste of money in my opinion, if we get an answer as to whether he has a condition or not, and where we go from here. The Consultant works in the NHS so school and the GP have already confirmed the report from him will be enough.

Psychiatrist? They often close eyes to think and visualise YABU

@BornOnThe4thJuly

You are not in the least being unreasonable.

Perhaps your doctor should find another profession if he’s barely keeping his eyes open in his current one.

Don’t let pp’s snide & snarky remarks get you down.

I would suggest, however, that you have a calm & frank discussion with the doc and tell him how you feel and that you’d appreciate a do-over, rather than demanding one - he’ll surely be more receptive to that. Good luck.

As someone said up thread, we all know what it looks like when someone is fighting to stay asleep and their eyes are slowly closing, then snapping back open again.
I guess most of the people who’ve voted YABU thought I was mistaken, and that he wasn’t actually struggling to stay awake. Or maybe I’m wrong, and there’s lots of people on Mumsnet who think it’s fine for a medical professional to behave that way in an appointment, and they wouldn’t mind at all.
I don’t feel that it being a private appointment matters really, I’d have been just as upset if it was an NHS appointment. The only difference would’ve been I could’ve asked for a second opinion without having to pay again.

[quote DreamTheMoors]@BornOnThe4thJuly

You are not in the least being unreasonable.

Perhaps your doctor should find another profession if he’s barely keeping his eyes open in his current one.

Don’t let pp’s snide & snarky remarks get you down.

I would suggest, however, that you have a calm & frank discussion with the doc and tell him how you feel and that you’d appreciate a do-over, rather than demanding one - he’ll surely be more receptive to that. Good luck.[/quote]
Thanks for the support. I sent the clinic a measured email, and wasn’t shitty at all, I never used the word complain for example.
I said I was concerned that he may not have taken in what we were saying, due to struggling to stay awake, and mentioned the things he’d got wrong when he was confirming things with me, and asking follow up questions.

Everyone gets bored

CAMH's are shit.

@BornOnThe4thJuly

Good for you. Perhaps he’d had a bad night the prior night or a fight with wife - all definitely not your fault.
Good luck & much love.

Everyone gets bored

@BornOnThe4thJuly My now 17 year old son was diagnosed autistic after 4 months at 4 years old. Not quite sure how it would take 2-3 years. When it comes to your child’s health you need to grow a back bone, dig your heels in and speak up instead of wimping out and complaining online!

I suspect if the doctor was able to doze off - your child does not have ADHD. The last ADHD assessment I did the child
Through a wooden brick at the back of my head ...