AIBU to complain that Doctor was virtually falling asleep in the consultation?

[BornOnThe4thJuly]

I took my DC for a Consultant appointment and the Doctor’s eyes were shutting for a split second constantly for the first hour or so but eventually he came round a bit towards the end.
Was I being unreasonable to say I want to see someone else? I can’t see how he can have taken in what we were saying, so god knows what the notes will say that he was typing.
It was very warm in the room, and it was late in the day, probably after a long week for him. I feel he should’ve excused himself though and gone and washed his face, got 2 mins fresh air, got a coffee, done something basically to sort himself out. Then returned to finish the assessment in a properly awake state!
I’m very annoyed at myself for not saying anything at the time. I was very taken aback and couldn’t think of what on earth to say to him, apart from WTF are you playing at!

Yes it is

@CrowdedHouseinQuarantine What is? That your post is odd, or it's the norm to pay upfront?

Is this your personal or professional experience that makes you so certain?

@CrowdedHouseinQuarantine Ah, but you are !!!

In my experience

I think it’s terrible, you’ve probably waited forever for this appointment and now feel it’s been wasted. I’ve no idea why people would think you are being unreasonable.

I would complain, want my money back to pay for a different assessor
and I’m not someone who complains freely about things.

Given that the op has not fully updated we are all making assumptions based on experience

I think it’s unacceptable op
I’m a nurse and also a mum with w kid with POSs adhd who has been waiting almost 2 years for an nhs assessment my parenting is being questioned and people think I should be able to decide all coping mechanisms and understand him completely with no diagnoses etc anyway my point is I understand your frustration as I know how hard it is at home and at school and to pay for a consultation and you don’t feel the dr is fully engaged then I’d ask for someone else too!! These are our kids, I want the best for mine and to know how to help him my son would’ve been all over the place he never stops.

Was it expensive? Will schools etc take it seriously as I’ll do this if it’s going to take years to get him assessed. I’m so frustrated right now with lack of understanding by school, friends and lack of support anywhere

Over many years have never ever been asked to pay for a private medical (or child psychological) appointment in advance. This sounds highly peculiar. Was it definitely a reputable and well regarded specialist and clinic?

Did you get the diagnosis you paid for?
I had a multi assessment over 6 months. I got a diagnosis of severe SPD possibly D.M.D.D. possible DCD he will need to be reassessed again in one year as DMDD can't be diagnosed till 7.
DS isn't hyper he has no emotional regulation when he is happy he's ecstatic when he is sad he is violent and crys for days. He is mainly sad, grumpy, controlling, aggressive alongside repetitive words he cried non stop until he learnt to talk now he shouts and crys.
I joke if he was my DH I'd divorce him to run far away.

[quote Spidey66]@MiniMum97
'Not everyone with ADHD is hyperactive.'
Surely then they don't have ADHD? The clues in the H bit. If they don't, they may have ADD.[/quote]
The name is misleading. There are three types of ADHD: impulsuve/hyperactive, combined, and inattentive.

If you have inattentive ADHD then you don’t have or have minimal hyperactive/impulsive symptoms.

ADD is not an official diagnosis in DSM V. So ADD is no longer used to describe inattentive ADHD.

@Chewbecca

I voted YABU as I think, given you said nothing at the time, you need to wait to see the report & see if it is thorough or if he missed something.

Am also a bit perplexed you expected the Dr to do something about your child jumping on the sofa and hitting your feet, rather than yourself.

What made you think I expected the doctor to do something about it? I was doing everything I could to help him sit calmly, but it was a very long appointment for a very young child and he was struggling.

@Twigletfairy

I think I would probably wait for the report first before going through another assessment. If the report seems detailed and inaccurate then you may not need a second assessment.

YANBU for expecting a Dr to be attentive during a consultation. When the report arrives you'll know how attentive he really was

My worry is we’ll have to see him again a few times. I don’t feel we’re going to have a good rapport when he’s aware I’ve raised concerns about him. He got a few things wrong when he was asking me questions and asked me some of the questions 2/3 times. So I’m not feeling confident.

@JinglingHellsBells

I agree, as I said I wish I’d said something at the time, and I’m annoyed at myself. I have a condition that makes concentration difficult at times and I was stressed and tired after a long journey to get there

@BornOnThe4thJuly Do you have ADHD too?

As someone who worked in that field for ages I'd be happy to look at a web link to the practice to give an opinion.

I'm sorry but I do think doing 2hr face to face appts at the moment is quite risky anyway.

No I have a different condition. His Dad has ADHD though. Thanks for the offer of help!

@VinylDetective

He was in full PPE, face mask, gown, gloves and was nearly 3m away on the other side of the room, so impossible to say if he was yawning

Too far away to see if he was yawning but close enough to see his eyes closing?

His mouth was covered with a face mask! So I couldn’t say for definite whether he was yawning as well had he not had a mask on then I’d have been able to see his mouth.

So I’m not feeling confident
I've had the feeling in that situation and unfortunately I was right.
DD was misdiagnosed at 4. She struggled until 8 before being diagnosed now she's nearly 12 she is an non binary isolated lost introvert. I wish I'd have fought for her at 4 when the school raised concerns I was clueless. It is far harder without the right support.

@BornOnThe4thJuly I think I know the centre you went to if it's NW. Did you pay £895?

There are several psychiatrists listed on the website.

It looks bona fide, but like anywhere, the quality of the assessment comes down to the individual carrying it out.

Were you given any indication of the diagnosis when you left or are you waiting for the report? Were you able to take a teacher report with you too?

Too far away to see if he was yawning but close enough to see his eyes closing?

God so many people are quick to jump onto something and comment without knowing!

Of course you can’t see if someone is yawning if wearing a mask!!!!!!

And life has to go on so the assessor wearing full PPE and being 3 m away and a 2 hour is not risky! I’ve got friends who have been frontline on covid wards 5 days a week wearing full PPE get tested weekly and not one has got it!

@JinglingHellsBells

He was in full PPE, face mask, gown, gloves and was nearly 3m away on the other side of the room, so impossible to say if he was yawning.

Maybe he was just hot under all of that gear?

Was it a room with windows?

Before the appt did you have to complete a questionnaire?

often, the length of these appts can be reduced if a lot of the groundwork is covered before a meeting.

I still think it's the type of assessment that could have been done by video because it's totally inappropriate for a child with possible ADHD to be present in a room for 2 hours under the current circs with Covid.

Is this a 100% private practice?

I’m sure he was hot in all the PPE. Both windows open right next to him and the door was open as well. He is a deputy associate medical director in the NHS as well as doing private work. From the research I did I was happy he was an experienced respected Consultant. He was maybe 50. Hard to tell with a face mask on.

@xolotltezcatlopoca

If he was typing, he can't be falling asleep?

His eyes were closing when he was listening to us in between typing and speaking.

[quote JinglingHellsBells]@BornOnThe4thJuly I would like to try to offer support but need more info.

Was this appt urgent under the current circs when your child is not at school (I assume?)

Why was the practice doing f2f appts with children who notoriously find it hard to concentrate and perhaps sit still?

What type of dr was it?
The usual dr for this is a paediatrician. Some psychologists will assess.

Depending on the answer to the above, you can complain to the practice manager OR the professional body of the person who did the assessment.

What was the outcome of the meeting? Did they assess your child as having ADHD?
Was your child in the room all the time while you were discussing them?[/quote]
I’ll message you this afternoon answering all this if that’s ok? Thanks again!

@Boireannachlaidir

12:20am " AIBU to complain..."

1:20am OP posts this...I’ve already emailed to complain, so I’m not looking for advice on whether I should or not.

nothing to see here really eh OP?

Yeah after posting I discussed it with family too and decided to go ahead and send an email. Still interested in others views though, and amused. That’s why I use Mumsnet, I find it interesting and it often makes me laugh!

@JinglingHellsBells

I think it's a mistake to assume the dr also worked in the NHS.

There are many private centres across the UK that offer these assessments. I know (of) a lot of them through my work.

Not all the drs are medical drs- some have PhDs in various areas.

That's why I have asked the OP who did the assessment (not a name of course) because some of these centres are not that great to be frank.

He definitely does currently work in the NHS. I’ll message you when I’ve got my youngest to sleep. Thanks again.

@CrowdedHouseinQuarantine

Did you get the diagnosis you paid for?

He needs more info from the school in addition to the info they already provided. So we’re having to wait for that. I want the right diagnosis though, not just to be told what he thinks I want to hear!

@HeddaGarbled

I’m going to say something which you may find rude, but may be pertinent.

Sometimes, parents talk a lot about their children, and bury the important information in a lot of irrelevant or extraneous detail.

In order to make a diagnosis, synthesising reports from different settings (including the written history and written observations from the parent), and observation of the young person, will have more weight than 2 hours of parental talking.

I too would advise waiting for the report before deciding on whether you need a re-assessment.

I didn’t find that rude at all. It’s so very true that parents do that! I used to work with families in a job a long long time ago. I often have to tell my partner “the doctor doesn’t need to know that” to get him to shut up/just answer the question! So I can assure you I wasn’t blabbering on with irrelevant crap. I was desperate to get out of there as soon as possible, I hate wearing a mask and my DC was struggling.

@Kaykay066

I think it’s unacceptable op I’m a nurse and also a mum with w kid with POSs adhd who has been waiting almost 2 years for an nhs assessment my parenting is being questioned and people think I should be able to decide all coping mechanisms and understand him completely with no diagnoses etc anyway my point is I understand your frustration as I know how hard it is at home and at school and to pay for a consultation and you don’t feel the dr is fully engaged then I’d ask for someone else too!! These are our kids, I want the best for mine and to know how to help him my son would’ve been all over the place he never stops.

Was it expensive? Will schools etc take it seriously as I’ll do this if it’s going to take years to get him assessed. I’m so frustrated right now with lack of understanding by school, friends and lack of support anywhere

Nearly £1000 for the initial assessment. Then there’ll be follow up appointments if he is diagnosed with something and possible prescription costs if he needs medication. So a huge amount of money to me. The GP and school were supportive of us going private. Our area could be anything up to 3 years for an NHS assessment. He’s struggling every day (so am I and his sibling) so I didn’t feel we could wait that long.

will you have to pay when you go back op?