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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Shower etiquette

147 replies

chocolatesaltyballs22 · 30/07/2020 13:38

Just interested in whether, generally speaking, the people in your household clean up after themselves when they've used the shower?

We have two bathrooms - en-suite, and family bathroom used by my daughter (17) and two stepsons (13 & 19) when they are here. 19 yo is home from Uni at the minute and it's a constant source of frustration to me that whenever he has a shower he leaves soap, hair (very long) and bodily hair all over the bath for whoever goes in next to find it. He's been told multiple times to rinse the bath down when he's finished. It goes in one ear and out the other.

AIBU to expect him to just clean his sodding pubes off the bath when he's been in there? If it was only him and his brother sharing I would leave them to it but my poor daughter having to walk in and find that Angry

OP posts:
Solaran · 30/07/2020 13:40

It’s definitely good etiquette to just rinse the bath/shower after use - it literally takes seconds to do this!

Dugsbollox · 30/07/2020 13:41

YANBU. I always hose the bottom of the shower down after I've used it. You've made me realise I need to be firmer about my 11yo son leaving his debris behind him, I could NOT be doing with clearing up after another adult.

Curiosity101 · 30/07/2020 13:42

There's a common house rule I've seen 'If you dirty it then clean it' or something along those lines.

For me it's not really about what the mess/dirt is. It's about leaving something the same or nicer than you found it because unless you're a young child or living alone then you're part of a household and should keep it nice for everyone.

piscean10 · 30/07/2020 13:42

Yanbu. You wouldnt leave the toilet unflushed so no excuse for the bath as well. That's disgusting and not acceptable.

Original poster
chocolatesaltyballs22 · 30/07/2020 13:53

Right - thankyou. I thought I was being super picky but seriously, no one wants to get in the bath/shower in someone else's mess. Even the 13 yo knows better than that. Fed up of it!

OP posts:
BlueJava · 30/07/2020 14:00

I have 2 sons both late teens, one has an en-suite which he cleans himself and does a good job, he does it about once every two weeks and I do a quick loo and sink clean in between times. The other one uses the family bathroom and will always wash the shower round and squeegee down the glass when finished. Both wash the bath out when finished. I put the robot vac in there every few days to pick up hairs (white tiles on the floor so everything shows). I'd be having some serious words if they left it in a mess!

Lweji · 30/07/2020 14:04

Isn't he having to go and clean it up when other people find the shower in that state?

Undead76 · 30/07/2020 14:06

It is good etiquette, but unfortunately I am always the one who is lumbered with cleaning the bathrooms. I thought moving from a one bathroom house to one with three bathrooms (including the en-suite) would be heaven, but it turns out I just have 3 times as many bathrooms to clean. Literally, if I didn't do it, it would sit there until doomsday. Shower gel & shampoo splashed up the shower doors, hair everywhere, wet dirty towels chucked on the floor, pools of water everywhere. I really don't understand how they do it.

Original poster
chocolatesaltyballs22 · 30/07/2020 14:08

@lweji I've just told my husband to make him clean it when I went I found it in a mess having gone in to open the window. He told him while he was eating his lunch. He promptly finished his lunch, came back upstairs and went straight back to his room having instantly forgotten what he'd been told to do. His head is up his arse and everything goes in one ear and out the other.

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 30/07/2020 14:09

So when you see it - you call him to clean it up.
He cleans it up every single time.
Whether it's while he is in the shower or afterwards.
When my DD has a bath and shaves, she leaves the bath a mess.
She gets called every time to rinse it clean.

hellsbellsmelons · 30/07/2020 14:10

Has he cleaned it now?
Get him out of his room and get him to clean it - stand over him.
Remind him every time he is cleaning it that it would much easier to do it whilst in the shower, before getting out.
Tell him every time!

FudgeBrownie2019 · 30/07/2020 14:12

Both DC clear up after themselves in the bathroom. They have their own jack and jill style ensuite, so I'm probably less militant than I would be if they used mine, but I've gone mad about a wet towel left on the floor enough times for them to just do it instinctively.

notalwaysalondoner · 30/07/2020 14:14

I’d be a bit blunter than “please can you rinse the shower down after use” if he’s not paying attention. I imagine any stepmother saying “I and your stepsister are fed up of finding your pubes and hair in the shower after you use it” is enough to embarrass any 19 year old boy into not doing it again in a hurry...

sauvignonblancplz · 30/07/2020 14:15

Eughhhhhh I feel your pain.
I’m currently banging my head against a brick wall with the mess my two are leaving.
As another pp said I just call them every. Single. Fucking . Time.
Part of me feels like just tidying the bathroom, bedroom, glasses left, clothes to save the eye rolling but then I’m too stubborn and I can’t be dealing with the laziness.

Following for any tips that actually make the teen and pre-teen proactive with their chores and responsibilities.
Mine really are dire & it’s not for the want of trying .

Undies1990 · 30/07/2020 14:17

Call him out on it every single time. Physically take him into the shower room and show him what a disgusting mess he's left behind. Show him where the cleaning materials are and tell him to get on with it. Every. Single. Time.

Eventually he'll get the idea, he is an adult after all.

Francesthemute · 30/07/2020 14:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gutentag1 · 30/07/2020 14:20

I'd tell him to stop whatever he's doing, even if he's eating, and march him to the bathroom to deal with it immediately when I found it. The inconvenience would work quite quickly.

Original poster
chocolatesaltyballs22 · 30/07/2020 14:23

Yep he's cleaned it but only after having been told for the third time. I'm not getting involved. It's not my job to parent a fucking adult who I didn't even give birth to so I'm leaving it to my husband. Plus I would lose my shit.

We went through this with toilet flushing a couple of years back. Would literally leave a pile of shit in the loo, skidmarks everywhere. He's a slob.

OP posts:
diddl · 30/07/2020 14:25

" he leaves soap, hair (very long) and bodily hair all over the bath for whoever goes in next to find it."

That is utterly disgusting.

SantaClaritaDiet · 30/07/2020 14:27

YANBU

Your DH really needs to step up on that one - and make him clean!
That boy sounds vile - or is angry at you and making it known, but either way it's not your problem

Original poster
chocolatesaltyballs22 · 30/07/2020 14:28

No he's not angry at me. Just a fucking slob. I've had enough of it - I don't even want him coming to stay any more because he puts me on edge the whole time he's here.

OP posts:
OneForMeToo · 30/07/2020 14:32

You call him to clean it every time. I do it when the boy doesn’t flush or gets the seat. I know it’s him because I hear him go in and his the only one who doesn’t flush.

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 30/07/2020 14:32

We have a family bathroom and an ensuite. The family bathroom is hardly used because the shower is over the bath and not very powerful, it's also quite dark because of trees outside. The ensuite is absolutely gorgeous, nice, large, powerful shower, plenty of light, Japanese style deep soaking tub. The DC are allowed to use it, but it's my favourite room in the house and if they leave a mess they are banished to the family bathroom for a week. It's worked well for me so far, I had to send DS to the other bathroom a few months ago and he hated it and hasn't made a mess in my bathroom since.

FlamedToACrisp · 30/07/2020 14:33

The trouble is not that he doesn't, or won't, clean it. The trouble is that they're making it your job - nothing happens unless you notice, your DH asks him to do it but doesn't ensure he does it so still nothing happens until you deal with it.

As for the PP thinking any 19yo would be embarrassed by their stepmother mentioning they've left pubes in the bath - if he leaves lumps of poo in the loo, I somehow doubt he's that sensitive!

SunshineCake · 30/07/2020 14:36

@Undead76

It is good etiquette, but unfortunately I am always the one who is lumbered with cleaning the bathrooms. I thought moving from a one bathroom house to one with three bathrooms (including the en-suite) would be heaven, but it turns out I just have 3 times as many bathrooms to clean. Literally, if I didn't do it, it would sit there until doomsday. Shower gel & shampoo splashed up the shower doors, hair everywhere, wet dirty towels chucked on the floor, pools of water everywhere. I really don't understand how they do it.
Time to change tact then.