Page 6 | Shower etiquette

chocolatesaltyballs22 · 2020-07-30T12:38:53+00:00

Just interested in whether, generally speaking, the people in your household clean up after themselves when they've used the shower? We have two bathrooms - en-suite, and family bathroom used by my daughter (17) and two stepsons (13 & 19) when they are here. 19 yo is home from Uni at the minute and it's a constant source of frustration to me that whenever he has a shower he leaves soap, hair (very long) and bodily hair all over the bath for whoever goes in next to find it. He's been told multiple times to rinse the bath down when he's finished. It goes in one ear and out the other. AIBU to expect him to just clean his sodding pubes off the bath when he's been in there? If it was only him and his brother sharing I would leave them to it but my poor daughter having to walk in and find that [angry]

murakamilove · 01/08/2020 10:17

Charge him £5 every time you have to clean the bathroom after him!

Lweji · 01/08/2020 10:56

Conversations are just that. Conversations. Where are the consequences?

Original poster

chocolatesaltyballs22 · 01/08/2020 11:25

Well the consequence yesterday was him cleaning the entire bathroom from top to bottom. Didn't do a bad job to be fair, so he can obviously do it!

OP posts:

Lweji · 01/08/2020 13:57

But before...?

deedeegee · 01/08/2020 17:43

Always said to my daughter at that age that I didn’t want her to be the flat mate from hell, so I taught her shower etiquette amongst other flat share things!

Kabakofte · 01/08/2020 23:30

I get that he could be more considerate but your dislike of being a step parent and for your older stepson oozes through many of your posts. Unless you are a remarkable actress he must pick up on this and for that I have sympathy for him. You didn't give birth to him but you married his father knowing that he had 2 kids and that step parenting was part of the package. You seem to revel in this lads failings, waiting for him to not reach your standards so you can nail him for it. I hope your daughter's step parent does a better job of step parenting than you do.

YourWinter · 02/08/2020 01:52

My youngest is nearly 30 and absolutely doesn't care what state she leaves the shower in. She shaves bits, uses a tea leaf exfoliating scrub, often uses purple shampoo, she doesn't rinse or squeegee the cubicle despite me ranting so many times she's deaf to me now. She leaves toothpaste over the sink and often dripped on the floor, and blocks the loo with ridiculous amounts of paper. She will sometimes stuff towels back on the rail any old how, rarely folded and certainly not into a proper rectangle. Her boyfriend insists on a fresh towel every time he showers (his family do that) so when he's here he won't even attempt to hang his up, he leaves them on the floor or slung messily over the shelf unit. She works full time, I work part time, so you see she doesn't have time to clean or tidy our communal spaces, although her bedroom is neat, bed made, curtains tied back, prettily decorated and she changes her bed linen twice a week. It's definitely the biggest source of friction here and although she has been mainly at his home for the past few months, whenever she, or they, stay here for a week or weekend it's the same.

My eldest would always make sure she had first shower, so there was no point squeegeeing it as someone else would only be using it soon afterwards. The others then refused to 'clear up HER splashes', and I always had the last shower so I cleaned it anyway.

My fault for never managing to scare them into showing any respect.

Yorkshiretolondon · 02/08/2020 08:35

Disgusting! and tbh you are doing him a favour and trying to show him how to live... can you imagine what it’s going to be like if he ever moves in/marries someone?!!!
I would speak to hubby again and explain this, then sit everyone down (I know you should not have to but....) including your poor daughter and say it loud and clear! It is disgusting, cleaning up is basic human manners.... embarrass him! If it continues tell him he can’t stay anymore!

Original poster

chocolatesaltyballs22 · 02/08/2020 09:02

Interesting that some think he shouldn't be allowed to stay any more if he can't clean up after himself (which is my view) and others think I should just suck it up with a smile as I am a stepmum and should clearly love my husband's kids like they're my own. Which is why I didn't post this on the step parenting forum to be fair.

I won't apologise for finding him difficult. He's an adult and when we got married I knew he would be away to Uni very shortly and wouldn't be staying here for very long.

This view that you have to put up with anything from the step kids is very odd. There is a back story here in that he didn't speak to me for years because he thought I was the reason for his parents divorce ( I wasn't). He knows the truth now and has never acknowledged he was wrong or apologised. He didn't bother to hide his dislike for me for all that time. So I'm afraid I'm just biding my time and counting the weeks til he goes back to uni.

OP posts:

Lweji · 02/08/2020 09:17

There is a back story here in that he didn't speak to me for years because he thought I was the reason for his parents divorce ( I wasn't). He knows the truth now and has never acknowledged he was wrong or apologised

Was it his fault that he thought so?
Was he a teenager then? It sounds like poor handling by his dad.

Violetroselily · 02/08/2020 09:21

YANBU at all OP

He is an adult and a selfish, repugnant one at that

RandomGirl · 02/08/2020 09:27

@chocolatesaltyballs22

Interesting that some think he shouldn't be allowed to stay any more if he can't clean up after himself (which is my view) and others think I should just suck it up with a smile as I am a stepmum and should clearly love my husband's kids like they're my own. Which is why I didn't post this on the step parenting forum to be fair.

I won't apologise for finding him difficult. He's an adult and when we got married I knew he would be away to Uni very shortly and wouldn't be staying here for very long.

This view that you have to put up with anything from the step kids is very odd. There is a back story here in that he didn't speak to me for years because he thought I was the reason for his parents divorce ( I wasn't). He knows the truth now and has never acknowledged he was wrong or apologised. He didn't bother to hide his dislike for me for all that time. So I'm afraid I'm just biding my time and counting the weeks til he goes back to uni.

‘He knows the truth now and has never acknowledged he was wrong or apologised. He didn't bother to hide his dislike for me for all that time.’

I completely agree with you - you are not out of order for feeling this way!

NannyOggsWhiskyStash · 02/08/2020 09:35

Nope, your justifications for loathing a young adult who has obviously struggled with his parents divorce do not wash. You sound very self centred and rather cold.

mousey37 · 02/08/2020 10:11

I feel quite sorry for the OP. Theres always a complex back story and she can’t be judged just on this post. Sometimes there are years and years of trying to be a good step parent which are rejected by Stepchildren. Its just not that easy for anyone. I myself have tried and tried, organised birthday parties, attended to all their needs and did everything i could to be a good step parent. Its bloody difficult and you have to have skin like a rhino. I’ve a very aggressive 20 year old SS (his Mum died when he was 7) and he has anger issues and emotions that haven’t been dealt with. He throws terrible tantrums if he’s asked to pick up a plate, to the point that his Dad has to hood him down. I get really anxious when he’s in the house (he lives with us). I feel sorry for him but sometimes being the metaphorical family punchbag destroys your soul and irrevocably dents your confidence in the world. Its just not black and white and i really struggle liking him. It doesn’t make me evil and cold.

Staplemaple · 02/08/2020 10:15

Regardless of him being a step child or not, you would hope parents would pull their own children up on being dirty slobs too.

StrawBeretMoose · 02/08/2020 10:33

There is a back story here in that he didn't speak to me for years because he thought I was the reason for his parents divorce ( I wasn't). He knows the truth now and has never acknowledged he was wrong or apologised. He didn't bother to hide his dislike for me for all that time. So I'm afraid I'm just biding my time and counting the weeks til he goes back to uni.

So if he's 19 now this was while he was a teenager, already a difficult time and seems no one thought to put him straight.

I think your dislike for him comes across very plainly, like he won't be welcome back in summer time between uni terms.
I do think the pubes in the bath is disgusting and he should be cleaning it. Both his parents should be ensuring this for his own good.

Thislittlelady · 02/08/2020 10:42

Am so so sick of telling folk in this house to clean up in the bathroom. There are wipes there for that very purpose. I don’t want to stand in your pubes and chest hair when I shower. I don’t want your pubes and pee all over the loo in any fashion. I clean the bathroom scrub it down the shower toilet sink units walls mirror - EVERY SINGLE DAY. but I never get to step into a clean shower. EVER

NannyOggsWhiskyStash · 02/08/2020 10:55

@mousey37 That sounds so stressful and on a different level to the OP'S situation. Has your stepson had any therapy as he sounds really disturbed, I feel for you.

Smallgoon · 02/08/2020 22:44

@Kabakofte

I get that he could be more considerate but your dislike of being a step parent and for your older stepson oozes through many of your posts. Unless you are a remarkable actress he must pick up on this and for that I have sympathy for him. You didn't give birth to him but you married his father knowing that he had 2 kids and that step parenting was part of the package. You seem to revel in this lads failings, waiting for him to not reach your standards so you can nail him for it. I hope your daughter's step parent does a better job of step parenting than you do.

Agreed. If OP were my stepmum, I'd probably go out of my way to piss her off too because she seems spiteful imo.

Original poster

chocolatesaltyballs22 · 02/08/2020 22:50

Aaaaaaah ok, he's a slob because of me! Ok then

OP posts:

Smallgoon · 02/08/2020 23:21

He's a slob. We get that part. But it probably doesn't bother him that it bothers you, because you clearly don't like him... Seems the feeling is mutual.

Sorry that you have to see his pubes all over the shower. I grew up with 3 older brothers so you have my sympathy.

LizzyA123 · 03/08/2020 10:21

As you work next door to bathroom, pre-prepare a large “ Do not leave this bathroom until it’s clean!” sign on a stand and stick it facing the bathroom door as soon as He has gone in. Big enough to block the doorway so he can’t miss it. He’ll might fall over it or retreat and oblige. If he walks past and ignores it feel free to read the riot act. Vary the written message too depending on your mood. You could always threaten to send photo’s of his mess to his mates, or upload on social media etc