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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Shower etiquette

147 replies

chocolatesaltyballs22 · 30/07/2020 13:38

Just interested in whether, generally speaking, the people in your household clean up after themselves when they've used the shower?

We have two bathrooms - en-suite, and family bathroom used by my daughter (17) and two stepsons (13 & 19) when they are here. 19 yo is home from Uni at the minute and it's a constant source of frustration to me that whenever he has a shower he leaves soap, hair (very long) and bodily hair all over the bath for whoever goes in next to find it. He's been told multiple times to rinse the bath down when he's finished. It goes in one ear and out the other.

AIBU to expect him to just clean his sodding pubes off the bath when he's been in there? If it was only him and his brother sharing I would leave them to it but my poor daughter having to walk in and find that Angry

OP posts:
Flibbitygibbit · 30/07/2020 15:37

Am with you on this op. I feel your pain. The towel fairy in our house visits after my son's washing routine.... however one day he'll fly the nest and I'll miss picking up after him.

hibbledobble · 30/07/2020 15:38

Time to get tough. He's an adult now.

If he doesn't clean it up himself, he has someone else standing over him, watching until he does it. Hopefully he will get the hint, and do it without asking.

If that doesn't work then removing privileges: eg WiFi password, allowance if he still gets one.

If he continues to behave badly, then as an adult he can find his own home. You aren't a hotel.

Original poster
chocolatesaltyballs22 · 30/07/2020 15:39

Well I've just decided that as a special 'reward' he gets to clean the entire bathroom tomorrow. Our cleaner is on holiday this week and I sure as hell ain't doing it. Life lessons.

OP posts:
hibbledobble · 30/07/2020 15:40

Do you think he will do it?

hellsbellsmelons · 30/07/2020 15:42

I think a PP has it right.
Embarass him.
'I don't want DD seeing your fucking pubes and shite every time she needs the bathroom so clean up after yourself.'
Loudly - so everyone can hear!

Original poster
chocolatesaltyballs22 · 30/07/2020 15:46

@hibbledobble he's not leaving the house to go to work tomorrow until he does it. Whether he does it right or not is another question.

Through lockdown when we had no cleaner my daughter did it every week to a high standard. The boys weren't here so I had no problem making her do it. But no way am I having her clean their mess up. They've had it too easy having the house cleaned for them, washing done, cooking done, without having to lift a finger. Enough is enough! They will all be cleaning their own rooms as well.

OP posts:
Choukette · 30/07/2020 16:14

he's not leaving the house to go to work tomorrow until he does it
He's an adult, as you said previously.

Does your cleaner not clean your daughters share of the house?

Seracursoren · 30/07/2020 16:19

Even as his step parent, as you can hear the shower stopping, I would stand right outside the bathroom door, as he opens it I would tell him to turn around and make sure the shower is the way he found it. He does not leave the bathroom and get to come back to it later.

Does he ever want a girlfriend to live with? I have teenage sons, they share a bathroom, it is never disgusting because they check it after they use it.

Original poster
chocolatesaltyballs22 · 30/07/2020 16:25

@choukette if he's an adult then he needs to start behaving like one. Or he doesn't get to stay here. My cleaner is on holiday atm and during lockdown she wasn't coming. She cleans the whole house when she's here.

@seracursoren I absolutely do not think it is my responsibility to instill the correct behaviour into him. He has two parents, and I'm not one of them. Plus, I don't wanna see him coming out of the shower semi-naked! Ugh!

OP posts:
Menaimum · 30/07/2020 16:31

How about changing WiFi password? Your husband can allow access on his devices after he passes his bathroom check everyday. If he acts like a child he gets treated like one - like you say your 13yo can do better!

Arthersleep · 30/07/2020 16:56

Buy a couple of hairy coconuts and a razor. Give them a good shave all over the bath tub and shower cubicle, leaving clumps of rather thick and wiry coconut pubes covering every surface. Stick a few to the bar of soap and flannel too for good measure! Then leave it and do not clean it.

Anordinarymum · 30/07/2020 17:02

I am the only person I know in this house who leaves the shower cleaner than I found it.
Good job I'm here really or they'd be up to their armpits in muck :)

Anordinarymum · 30/07/2020 17:03

..actually, thinking on.. it's not just the shower either

Sinks, worktops the lot.

Bastards all of 'em

CambsAlways · 30/07/2020 17:28

YANBU I’d have fit if I had a stepson who did that to be honest, I’d expect him at 19 years old to clean up after himself, especially in someone else’s home he has no respect for you or your home, disgusting

updownroundandround · 30/07/2020 17:41

I don't see why you think it would be OK for other stepson to see 'pubes' etc in shower but not DD ? Does she not have any pubes then ? Hmm

It's not OK for anyone to leave the shower messy, doesn't matter who's next in

Charleyhorses · 30/07/2020 17:43

As for what his bathroom is like at uni.... in year 2, we rented a house with friends. 2 girls, 2 boys. All jointly liable for deposit. They had a boys bathroom and a girls bathroom. I'm not averse to helping making sure such places are clean to ensure deposit is returned. Had a look at dds room, fine. Girls bathroom needed an extra wipe clean. Kitchen a bit of elbow grease. Walked into the boys and straight back out. Said to dd, id rather lose all the deposit than clean that. In the end they took 40 quid off. Best 40 quid I have ever spent!

Bemorechicken · 30/07/2020 17:55

[quote chocolatesaltyballs22]@lweji I've just told my husband to make him clean it when I went I found it in a mess having gone in to open the window. He told him while he was eating his lunch. He promptly finished his lunch, came back upstairs and went straight back to his room having instantly forgotten what he'd been told to do. His head is up his arse and everything goes in one ear and out the other.[/quote]
So he is not being a considerate guest then.Tell him every single time he does it -that you are taking a payment of £x for cleaning it. Every single time. Follow him upstairs and knock on th door or DH should and say "bathroom". Or make your DH do it. Or ban said person -he needs to use a hose pipe.

Inkpaperstars · 30/07/2020 18:21

I doubt your dd would be traumatised by finding the odd pube in the shower, it's not nice but at her age I wouldn't have been distressed and it's a good job....I was about to share showers with hundreds of random men at university (iyswim) and then follow housemates into the shower when everyone was rushing madly to get in showers before work.

That said, I agree your stepson should definitely clear up. Personally I would take on the hassling....it seems like just as much trouble to have to go via your DH as a middle man. I would make it more a pain to not do it than to do it, administer that as you will.

You sound like you really don't like him btw, which may be fair enough!

Happymum12345 · 30/07/2020 18:29

Try to lighten up a little and be grateful you have two bathrooms! He’ll get the message eventually.

starsparkle08 · 30/07/2020 18:31

This is disgusting leaving public hair everywhere 🤢
I would have thought he would be embarrassed . How revolting .
Unless he has learning difficulties and needs extra support washing I don’t understand this at all

Brefugee · 30/07/2020 18:42

Try to lighten up a little and be grateful you have two bathrooms! He’ll get the message eventually.

i feel sorry for the future house/flat/bathroom sharers of your sons with that attitude. Jeez

MrsNoah2020 · 30/07/2020 19:01

I doubt your dd would be traumatised by finding the odd pube in the shower, it's not nice but at her age I wouldn't have been distressed and it's a good job....I was about to share showers with hundreds of random men at university (iyswim) and then follow housemates into the shower when everyone was rushing madly to get in showers before work

Disagree. 13ish is when you're most disgusted by this sort of thing. Uni age is different.

WhoWouldHaveThoughtThat · 30/07/2020 19:07

My go now... I suggest you give him a bucket and sponge and say he must wash himself in the garden until he is prepared to clean the shower after he has used it. Similarly with the toilet - but of course no sponge on these occasions.

Original poster
chocolatesaltyballs22 · 30/07/2020 19:15

God I wish I could seriously do some of these things. Especially the last one. Think I'd end up divorced!

And to the poster who said I sound like I don't like him: correct.

OP posts:
KrabbyPatties · 30/07/2020 19:31

It’s imperative that you sort this out op because the message is v damaging for both your daughter and him.

My husband is a lazy bastard who drives me mad because his mother have in and quietly cleaned everything up. Now I’m landed with it

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