To be annoyed DH hugged his dad.

[gentlerock]

We've spent months being careful, we have a 5 month old baby and I'm vulnerable having mild asthma.

Last week DH Gran passed away suddenly.

Today DH called to see his Dad and told me they hugged as they were both really upset.

Now I completely sympathise with this, really I do, but bare in mind DH grandma spent 3 days in hospital before passing.

DH dad was there every day and the hospital announced yesterday there had been an outbreak on one of their wards affecting 4 staff and 3 patients(although it didn't state which ward so we don't know if was the one DH grandma was on)

I suffer with anxiety already and I'm petrified DD could end up ill or be left without parents.

I really do feel so annoyed with him. AIBU?!

But I can't help the way I feel!!

You can make very sure that you don't make anyone else have to put
up with it.

If you haven't been out at all since lockdown, not once, then you have put your MH at risk. This is the result - you are confused now about what is real and important, and what is your anxiety..

Why do you think it is OK to ignore certain Govt guidelines and yet follow others?

That spare room comment would be a potential marriage ender if I was your husband and I caught wind of it. Jesus.

You're going to put him in the spare room?!?!!

@gnushoes

OP, I was brought up by a mother whose anxiety was extreme. It was pretty awful. Please seek help.

I worry about this constantly.

I don't want DD to be anxious but we're in a pandemic. How can I not be worried about that?!

Yeah I think you can see from the completely unanimous replies here you're being utterly ridiculous.

This is why I desperately wish schools would add research skills to the curriculum. A modern approach to actual scientific research. I think it would save a LOT of people getting in such a flap with misinformation and believing everything the media/Facebook spouts.

Just to reiterate, you aren't at high risk with mild asthma and healthy babies aren't at risk at all. My friend works in paediatric ICU and they've seen very very very few cases in children (the ones they have in those with serious underlying health conditions). Hope that reassures you.

Shield if you wish - but it’s not really necessary. Your DH has done nothing wrong, of course he can hug someone after a bereavement. Making him go in the spare room? Categorically unreasonable. Sorry OP

I hope you're joking about the spare room. If I was your DH I'd tell you to fuck off and walk out.
I have no idea if you have any grandparents that are alive, but if you had and one passed away wouldn't you want to hug your parent who was upset?

If you know your anxiety is an issue then it’s up to you to do something about it.

It took me a long time to seek help but knowing it was having an impact on my relationships with my child and partner was what pushed me to seek help.

How many people are going to the funeral?

It's ok to be concerned op
It's ok to isolate you and your baby if you wish
It's ok to socially distance etc

It is not ok to be angry with your dh for hugging his dad while upset and grieving

Draw a line under it and move on. And please don't punish your husband

You are being massively unreasonable!

@Haffiana

But I can't help the way I feel!!

You can make very sure that you don't make anyone else have to put
up with it.

If you haven't been out at all since lockdown, not once, then you have put your MH at risk. This is the result - you are confused now about what is real and important, and what is your anxiety..

Why do you think it is OK to ignore certain Govt guidelines and yet follow others?

But I haven't ignored any guidelines.

I have been out during lockdown.

We go for walks every day. And as I said over the last few weeks we've started having family in the garden.

I personally don't feel ready for indoor meet ups yet. That's just my preference.

YABU, I’ve got anxiety and was hysterical at the height of this and had to seek help, I’d say you should too as you don’t want it to start affecting your relationship and worse rubbing off on your child. Condolences to your husband

Also @gentlerock pay attention to the people saying you are NOT vulnerable and neither is your baby.

Time to do more research, get off Facebook, get on top of your anxiety and start living your life and supporting your DH.

@Nicknacky

How many people are going to the funeral?

16 people are allowed.

Yes, but how many people are going?

@motherf88

Just to reiterate, you aren't at high risk with mild asthma and healthy babies aren't at risk at all. My friend works in paediatric ICU and they've seen very very very few cases in children (the ones they have in those with serious underlying health conditions). Hope that reassures you.

That is reassuring, thank you.

But if DD were to catch it and pass it to me, I might not be so fortunate and it literally breaks my heart to think of leaving her without a mum.

I don't want DD to be anxious but we're in a pandemic. How can I not be worried about that?!
Because the risk to either of you is tiny tiny tiny.
It is one thing being cautious - not going to enclosed spaces, not meeting up with loads of people over time, avoiding crowded places. But staying indoors and not seeing anyone for 4 months is an overreaction.

P.S. I have a 4 month old baby and mild to moderate asthma. If you're under 40 the risk is still absolutely tiny.

@Nicknacky

Yes, but how many people are going?

16!

Your DD has more chance of dying from a lightning strike and mild asthma is not a condition considered to be worth shielding with. YABU.

I have mild asthma and I do empathise with the fact you feel anxious and nervous. I have felt this way a lot since lockdown and suffer with depression so everything since lockdown has felt more difficult.
However, i have visited my parents lately and hugged them as I needed it and it sounds like your husband and his Dad needed it too.

Don’t be angry, just be sympathetic and understanding.

gentlerock Don’t get arsey, you didn’t say there was 16 going. Just that 16 were allowed.

@gentlerock if you're applying that logic then you would be as well lock yourself in a steel cage and never come out.

There's plenty more in the world that can kill you and a lot of it you'll be at a higher risk of encountering than coronavirus.

But if DD were to catch it and pass it to me, I might not be so fortunate and it literally breaks my heart to think of leaving her without a mum
Sorry to point this out but this is a risk you take every day. You could die in a car accident or a random heart attack or a different infection or cancer. Covid is just another thing on the list and, looking at your risk factors, probably less likely to kill you than these other things.