To be annoyed DH hugged his dad.

[gentlerock]

We've spent months being careful, we have a 5 month old baby and I'm vulnerable having mild asthma.

Last week DH Gran passed away suddenly.

Today DH called to see his Dad and told me they hugged as they were both really upset.

Now I completely sympathise with this, really I do, but bare in mind DH grandma spent 3 days in hospital before passing.

DH dad was there every day and the hospital announced yesterday there had been an outbreak on one of their wards affecting 4 staff and 3 patients(although it didn't state which ward so we don't know if was the one DH grandma was on)

I suffer with anxiety already and I'm petrified DD could end up ill or be left without parents.

I really do feel so annoyed with him. AIBU?!

That's good news. All the best OP.

Yabu

Sorry pressed post too early.
Yabu but it’s understandable that you feel anxious.

Op you were very brave to admit how you were feeling. I suffer really badly with ocd (feels as though my whole life has been preparing for this!)
I really hope that you find cbt helpful.
I just wanted to say I understand how you are feeling.

That's brilliant news, OP.

Good for you.

Wow! What a difference 24 hours can make.

I am so impressed, OP. It was initially hard for you to accept what people were saying, but you got there, you recognised there was a problem, and you did something about it straight away. That's so impressive.

I hope the conversation with the HV wasn't too difficult for you, and I hope that you can be seen soon. Life will be so much brighter for you soon. All the very best to you.

OP - I just wanted to post and say I've been in your shoes. I had horrendous PND after my first baby that manifested as chronic health anxiety, and at my worst, I couldnt even leave the house. To suffer this (which sounds so very very similar to what you're saying here, your thoughts and perception all sounds very very familiar) during a global pandemic would be debilitating.

I had a lot of CBT and I check in with therapist every now and then, including during the midst of the pandemic when I had an overwhelming (yet thankfully, short-lived) reoccurrence and medication and it transformed my life.

You can be free of this and the world beyond anxiety is wonderful. Best of luck, and PM me if you ever need to chat privately - you will get through this and be stronger for it. Lots of love xxxxxx

That's brilliant news OP.

Great update! Well done for reaching out x

Well done, I wish you well on your CBT. I had CBT for OCD about a decade ago and it worked wonders, I look back and almost laugh at the things I used to obsess over.

RTFT Mango

I've followed the OPs posts, and I'm glad you've seen some perspective from the thread and have now accessed support.

This has been such a difficult time for new mums being denied normal formal and informal support. It's an emotionally vulnerable time anyway.

I hope this is the start of finding some more perspective. People are still banding about "It's a PANDEMIC!" however in the UK, infection levels ceased to be an epidemic back in May. A lot more about the virus, suceptibility and treatment has been discovered since March. It is sensible to pay more attention to hygiene and contact with others, but you don't have to live life like you're based in a high risk area like an operating theatre.

Well done!

Hi OP. I haven't commented on your thread but have been following it. I don't know the wait for CBT in your area but can I advise, in the mean time, that you do a bit of reading about CBT. I actually found cognitive behavioural therapy for dummies quite interesting to read. It has practical tips, things you can do now to help yourself. My anxiety manifested itself in not being able to leave the house without switching off the light a fixed number of times, checking everything over and over again, worrying something would happen to me or someone I loved if I didn't do something completely unrelated. CBT helped me to find methods of processing those thoughts, it helped me to recognise ways I could manage them. There are many self help books but I would really recommend you do some research and read one while you are on the CBT waiting list.

I would also suggest you think about factoring in a little time away from DD. I mean just half an hour every now and then. Also exercise I find really great for my anxiety. Lastly do things you enjoy, read a book, watch a film, visit a place you love. Looking after yourself is one of the best ways to address anxiety and one of the best ways to be a good mum. Post natal anxiety is very common and I imagine covid will have made it ten times worse for some. You should be very proud of yourself for addressing it.

Yabu

I’m glad you’re getting some help OP.
FWIW I’ve struggled with anxiety for a long time, and it was worse right after DD was born - I kept having intrusive thoughts and worries about me dropping her or causing her harm by accident or something happening to me. During the pandemic some of these thoughts came back and I had a long weepy thread about it here and got some sensible advice.
Reading some threads on here it really felt like everyone was washing every single item coming into the house. Meanwhile government ministers are flying off to Spain on holiday. So we need to invite some balance into our lives, and follow the guidelines but not go beyond them.

Really hope things go well for you OP. Good luck.

I’ve just read all your posts OP, and you’re not heartless or cold or any of the nasty names people were calling you early on! You’ve been very clear you haven’t communicated your feelings about this to your DH.

Anxiety is really really tough and it’s so easy to see how it has become overwhelming in this period, given we are in a pandemic after all!! It was weird for me deciding to stop washing the shopping for example, I just did it one day and then actually stopped thinking about it. These things are such tiny tiny tiny risks in reality and perspective is so important

You’ve been so brave in getting help and being so honest on here too - a lot of people would have just got really defensive or stopped posting So really really well done. Clearly you care a huge amount for your daughter and just want the best for her.

But it’s not right for you to be thinking your DH and DD would be better off without you if there were no vaccine and you’d be unable to cope. That’s no way to live and you deserve better Your lovely family need you! Xx

@KarmaStar YABVVVU not to have at least read all the OP's posts and caught up.

Mild athsma doesn't make you vulnerable (I have it too). However mental health needs to be taken very seriously and perhaps you should speak to your GP. Don't make your family suffer because of your anxiety, but don't ignore your own mental health warning signs.

You as well, @Alexandernevermind please read the full thread. I find it sad that posters who don't read the thread and are called out on that don't have the grace to at least apologise.

@KarmaStar and @Alexandernevermind at the very least read all the OP's posts, even if you don't read the whole thread.
Jeeze.