To be annoyed DH hugged his dad.

[gentlerock]

We've spent months being careful, we have a 5 month old baby and I'm vulnerable having mild asthma.

Last week DH Gran passed away suddenly.

Today DH called to see his Dad and told me they hugged as they were both really upset.

Now I completely sympathise with this, really I do, but bare in mind DH grandma spent 3 days in hospital before passing.

DH dad was there every day and the hospital announced yesterday there had been an outbreak on one of their wards affecting 4 staff and 3 patients(although it didn't state which ward so we don't know if was the one DH grandma was on)

I suffer with anxiety already and I'm petrified DD could end up ill or be left without parents.

I really do feel so annoyed with him. AIBU?!

Now I completely sympathise with this, really I do, but bare in mind DH grandma spent 3 days in hospital before passing.

What has that got to do with anything?

YABVU. Mild asthma is not your issue, anxiety is. I've suffered with it my whole life, but we have to take responsibility for it and recognise when it's taking over, and seek help when we need to.

In the circumstances, YABU to be annoyed about it.

If it helps at all, it's been a week since your FIL was potentially exposed so, depending on when it happened last week, he could be as many as nine days post-exposure? The majority of people incubating coronavirus show symptoms by 11 days, the mean for symptoms is 5 days. Based on that it is unlikely that he is brewing it.

I agree with other posters about seeking help for your anxiety. I have anxiety and PTSD, talking therapy helps immensely and you can self-refer in most areas. I didn't realise how hampered I was by it until I sought help and started to look at it objectively, you don't need to live like this

Oh god yes YABU. Has the your DH's dad not held your baby recently?

Also, i think asthma doesn't class people as vulnerable? It was just an unknown in the early stages.

@iklboo

Now I completely sympathise with this, really I do, but bare in mind DH grandma spent 3 days in hospital before passing.

What has that got to do with anything?

DH dad was there every day and the hospital announced yesterday there had been an outbreak on one of their wards affecting 4 staff and 3 patients(although it didn't state which ward so we don't know if was the one DH grandma was on)

This is what it has to do with

I have a DS who has been shielding due to the severity of his asthma. Even then in recent updates it has been emphasised the importance of protecting mental health as well as physical health.

Giving someone some comfort after the death of a parent is certainly important

@Yetiyoga

Oh god yes YABU. Has the your DH's dad not held your baby recently?

Also, i think asthma doesn't class people as vulnerable? It was just an unknown in the early stages.

Nobody has helped the baby since March! Why would I risk that?

You're being completely unreasonable.
I understand your anxiety at the thought of getting sick but you're free to protect yourself from your husband for the next fourteen days however you can. Being annoyed is so unfair. He hasn't done it deliberately to put you in danger. When you lose someone you forget about the pandemic and social distancing. Your poor husband. He has my sympathy.

I want to be sympathetic but I can't.

YABVVU

While being sensible, hugging his bereaved parent has to be ok. You can't eliminate all risk, no matter what, and we'll have to live with Covid & its impact for a long time.

Your 5 month old is NOT at risk. You have mild asthma so hardly at major risk either.

Please re-discover some normal human empathy.

You're being ridiculous and unreasonable.

YABU, completely.

My brother died a few weeks ago at the height of lockdown. He lived with my dad. Of course I hugged my dad, and my mum. My dad is vulnerable, my mum lives with her shielding Husband. All social distancing went out the window and I was able to sit next to my mum and sister at my brother’s funeral.

My brother didn’t have covid. My mum and sister went in (height of the pandemic) when they switched off his life support.

If the outbreak was on his grandma’s ward your FILwould have been contacted by test and trace people.

@iklboo

Now I completely sympathise with this, really I do, but bare in mind DH grandma spent 3 days in hospital before passing.

What has that got to do with anything?

I think because OP thinks he is likely to have picked up covid while visiting his gran in the hospital.

With mild asthma you aren't even vulnerable.

Yabvu.

I don't think its helpful to tell the OP she's being ridiculous or that she needs to get a grip, anxiety doesn't fully lend itself to rational thinking and small issues like this feel like big issues. Anxiety is a bit a bastard that way.

@gentlerock because the risk to children is minimal.
I just personally don't know anyone with a baby who has not let someone else hold their baby since March. (I am around lots of new parents due to my job)

I genuinely worry about babies born this year, they are going to have no immune system from not being passed around!

YABVU

This isn't about you. It's about two bereaved men overlooking each other comfort.

Two weeks ago, one person in every 40,000 had covid. The odds of either man having it, let alone passing it on in a brief hug, is minute.

I wouldn't hesitate to hug in that situation. They're likely to have turned their faces from each other I'm sure.

I can't believe your lack of empathy for them both.

OP, I think that this is the push you need to address your anxiety.

If the outbreak was on his grandma’s ward your FILwould have been contacted by test and trace people.
This is a good point! The hospital will have visitor logs for this very reason.

Overlooking= offering

Not to pile on but yes, YABUVVVU. Mild asthma is, I believe, not considered to be a significant extra risk and unless your DH is extremely vulnerable, the idea that your child could be orphaned is ridiculous. April / May, we knew far less and the transmission rates were higher. If you are genuinely serious about your level of worry over this you need to seek help.

Your father in law just lost his mother suddenly and you’re annoyed he sought brief comfort from his son? Flaming nora, have a heart!

Yabu

Oh and your baby is NOT at high risk. Trust me. Mine has an inhaler and has already been on a ventilator and breathing support last winter for resp infections and according to her paed she isnt vulnerable. So yours really isnt.

@saraclara

YABVU

This isn't about you. It's about two bereaved men overlooking each other comfort.

Two weeks ago, one person in every 40,000 had covid. The odds of either man having it, let alone passing it on in a brief hug, is minute.

I wouldn't hesitate to hug in that situation. They're likely to have turned their faces from each other I'm sure.

I can't believe your lack of empathy for them both.

I think it was 1 in 4000 which is quite a big difference. But OP is still unreasonable