@gentlerock
I've read this thread and felt I should contribute. I think you've had a bit of a hard time on here with how some of the posts have been worded but I echo others who say you seem caught up in this bubble of anxiety about catching it. You've asked what others do:
I am on the extremely vulnerable list as is my DH. We have a 7month DS and for the first 10 weeks we followed shielding guidance to the letter.
I have had various conversations with my consultant over the pandemic and although we followed the advice to the letter early on, certainly within the last 6 weeks we've made some big strides to form a new 'normal'. My consultant is in agreement of the steps we've taken and believes we will all need to adjust to a new 'normal' as a vaccine is a fair way off so it's about managing risk.
The most important reason for doing this was our DS. At 7 months we've noticed a massive difference in how he interacts with the world and what he takes from being out and about and not limited to our house and just our faces.
We trust our parents: they are careful, don't take unnecessary risks such as meeting lots of people or taking public transport when not needed. They come into our house, wash their hands and interact with our DS. He adores all 4 grandparents and they will often take him on walks. Seeing that relationship blossom since we've decided to do this has been wonderful. We don't, however, let our siblings pick up DS as they have children at school. But we do meet for socially distanced walks.
I meet other new mums for coffee/cake in cafes with outdoors seating. I bring my own straw and sterilising wipes for everything and let DS sit in high chair and snack. I also let DS interact with their babies and he suddenly got the hang or rolling after seeing one of the other babies doing it. When we get home, I wipe the pram down and ensure I've washed my hands.
I've taken DS into some shops including his first go in a trolley. He loved it. He is now used to seeing me in a mask and not scared of it. He waves at other shoppers. I am very careful and again, wipe down the trolley and use alcohol gel on entering and leaving each shop.
I am this afternoon going to a friends for a garden picnic where the babies will probably sit next to each other while we share a slice of cake.
I am not going to kids birthday parties with lots of people in a small space and I'm not yet ready for indoor play areas, swimming or baby classes. I don't wash shopping or wipe down takeaways but we transfer food into plates, put all packaging in the bin and give the surface a quick wipe.
We made the steps above regardless of shielding not finishing until this weekend as both myself and DH were suffering with our MH and we found DS was starting to want to explore more. Watching him develop and take interest in things outside/new locations and see new people has confirmed to me this was the right decision.
It's our choice to manage our risk this way but what I've listed above it what all of my friends and family are doing and I believe this is 'normal' at the moment as people work out how to navigate life with this virus.
I would urge you to start considering taking some of these steps and perhaps sit and chat to your DH about how you slowly ease some of your very strict restrictions.