To be annoyed DH hugged his dad.

[gentlerock]

We've spent months being careful, we have a 5 month old baby and I'm vulnerable having mild asthma.

Last week DH Gran passed away suddenly.

Today DH called to see his Dad and told me they hugged as they were both really upset.

Now I completely sympathise with this, really I do, but bare in mind DH grandma spent 3 days in hospital before passing.

DH dad was there every day and the hospital announced yesterday there had been an outbreak on one of their wards affecting 4 staff and 3 patients(although it didn't state which ward so we don't know if was the one DH grandma was on)

I suffer with anxiety already and I'm petrified DD could end up ill or be left without parents.

I really do feel so annoyed with him. AIBU?!

@Aragog

I hope all goes well gentlerock and the HV can put your mind at rest with regards your baby. Do you have an asthma doctor who could talk to you about how your asthma could be impacted by Covid.

Yes I do. I was told to just follow guidelines.

2m distance, wash hands.

The mass hysteria has also happened because we're not used to fatal illnesses now. It was therefore hard for them to come to terms with living with some risk.

It's so different in other parts of the world (I've said this before on MN). I've stayed in Africa in the past, and caught malaria once. A family friend and colleague in The Gambia died of cerebral malaria. But my African friends just get on with things, they certainly don't get into a state every time they see a mosquito.

That's how we need to be with COVID. Until there's a vaccine (which hopefully there will be), we just have to find a way to live with the risk. I'm not saying that we shouldn't take precautions like social distancing in public and wearing masks in shops, but the hysteria is feeding anxiety, as the OP is experiencing.

I get it, especially as I have long-term COVID symptoms and have had a bad flare-up recently, but I've also seen the damage to my adopted DDs of 11 and 8, who have really suffered from lockdown with not going to school and not seeing friends and family. DD2 was refusing to leave the house because she was afraid of the coronavirus; she did become ill with it early on, only for 4 days but it was nasty.

Kudos to you for staying with this thread, OP. You're taking all the right steps to deal with your anxiety. I have MH issues myself (PTSD in my case), and facing up to them was the key to being able to deal with them.

I think a really good place to start would be by making a list - as in writing down - every single precaution you are taking around Covid. Get it in black and white.

then go onto the government - and only the government, no crackpots or even MN threads - website and make a list of the actual precautions you see written down there. You won't see things like washing your takeaways, for example.

Compare the two lists and make a third list of things you are going to stop doing. Just do one for now, practice not doing that for say three days or more. Then add another one. Be gentle with yourself - imagine yourself emerging from a cocoon. You've taken loads and loads of steps to protect your baby, but now those steps are unnecessary and you can start to loosen your wings a little bit.

Speak to your Hv too and re-read my post about the funeral, I think it's fine if you don't go to that because I think it's too big a step.

At the moment you feel like you're at the foot of a mountain, small steady steps will get you to the top lass.

Unless you DH is refusing to wash his hands or change his clothes then I think you're blowing this way out of proportion. As soon as he throughly washed his hands then the risk of anything being transported and you becoming infected is so low

@dogperson05

Unless you DH is refusing to wash his hands or change his clothes then I think you're blowing this way out of proportion. As soon as he throughly washed his hands then the risk of anything being transported and you becoming infected is so low

He's every careful. He always used hand gel and antibacterial wipes when he's out. I don't know if he washed his hands when he got home because he went straight up to his office, but I assume he did.

I'm massively anxious about covid affecting our wee family, our wee bubble.

OH has just discovered his uncle has terminal cancer. We're going to see MIL next week. She is devastated she is going to lose her brother soon. He'll be giving his mum a bloody hug.

OP I just want to say you are so brave for sticking with this thread and contacting your hv!

Having a baby at the height of a global pandemic must have been so tough. All the support systems and networks stripped away. Hormones and anxiety of first time parenthood combined with anxiety of dealing with an unknown new virus. Massive well done for reaching out. Your daughter is lucky to have such a caring mum.

Hope it goes well with the hv today and you can start to make positive steps towards combating your anxiety.

@gentlerock

You said about a take away. No. You don’t need to start wiping down sides. Or door handles. Put food on plate. Throw package away. Wash hands

You don’t need to be washing the sides. Unless you had NO immune system. If you were having chemo etc. Your not.

Please, can people just lay off @gentlerock?
She's been really brave and honest and has made an appointment to talk to her HV.

If you've ever been a first time mum, please cast you mind back and recall how overwhelming even small things can be when you are in thrall to hormones and fatigue.

@Timetospare

Please, can people just lay off *@gentlerock*? She's been really brave and honest and has made an appointment to talk to her HV.

If you've ever been a first time mum, please cast you mind back and recall how overwhelming even small things can be when you are in thrall to hormones and fatigue.

This. Absolutely this.

She’s taken a real pasting on this thread and has been incredibly courageous. She’s taken the first step towards getting help and really doesn’t needs another God knows how many nasty, vitriolic posts.

Yep agreed, I think the hundreds of messages already have made the point, and OP is taking positive steps to address it. Absolutely no need for people to still be giving a hard time.

I’ve been following your thread OP- I hope your HV can offer you some reassuring words

Well done for contacting your HV. I do hope you can get some support and reassurance.

I hope the hv phone call went ok OP

[quote gentlerock]@Doggybiccys

You cannot get infected simply by hugging a person who is well.*

Hmmm but this is half of my battle. We don't know who is well or not. Do we?

If people are asymptomatic then they're technically not well but could infect others.
Or perhaps some is in the incubation period, which I'd read means they are still infectious. [/quote]
You are correct when you say you don’t know who is well or not. But for someone to become infected, there needs to be droplet transmission through coughing, sneezing or talking and even then catching it is extremely unlikely if the person is a asymptomatic as they will have a low viral load. This is why nurses on COVID general wards did not get the same level of PPE as those in intensive care units where the patients were extremely sick. If you could catch it through a simple hug from an asymptomatic person, infection rates would have been much much much higher (as bad as they were). I agree there is no such thing as no risk but the risk is so small it’s negligible. This is why hospitals are starting to open up again and shielding is ceasing. The risk is so low.

[quote Ponoka7]@jackstini, at the very start the wiping down of shopping, quarantining things for 72 hours ect were given out as precautions. Not everyone vulnerable could shield and recommendations were given on how to make things safer. It was the regular doctor on the BBC, who was on all of the morning shows and some virologists who were saying that.

The original shielding letters were telling us to not even go into our gardens, touch bins etc.[/quote]
Yeah. My shielding letter said to try to not even open windows!

Referral for CBT has been made by HV.

OP that’s great news; did speaking to her help? Do you feel like it was a step in the right direction? Well done to you, brave conversation to have.

That’s brilliant news @gentlerock. That couldn’t have been easy. You should be really proud of yourself.

Well done OP.

Great news OP, you should be really proud of yourself

Great news OP. CBT is very helpful indeed. Well done for making positive steps to handle your anxiety in a healthy and constructive way.

@gentlerock

Last night I posted that I thought YANBU as I completely understood your reasonings and was disappointed with the harsh comments you were receiving.

I've not been able to stop thinking all day about how cruel some posters can be so it is heartening to see many kinder comments appearing on this thread today.

Good luck OP - you will also have helped many lurkers in a similar situation to yours reading your posts

That’s great - hope you find it helpful