AIBU to leave 8 & 10 year alone to go out to dinner?

[BereftOfInk]

DH has suggested we go out to dinner together and leave the DC home alone. His parents often did this once he turned 10. I don't know if I'm being over protective as I was never left alone as a child. We live in a block of flats and would let our direct neighbours know they were alone, DC know them and could go and knock if they needed help for any reason. They offered to do this a while ago, but we thought the DC were too young so didn't. Neighbour suggested it as it's what her parents did when she was young (she wouldn't want to sit in our flat with them).

Get them ready for bed, stick a film on and let them go to bed when tired/fall asleep on the sofa. Acceptable or not?

@BereftOfInk you don't give a shit about what anyone is saying so just do it !

Unbelievably selfish- just for a meal 😞

if you were in my block of flats you'd be able to hear everything going on next door anyway - sneezes, every word people say, you name it. Not much different to being in another part of a big house.

Anyone who's lived in East Asia will be used to small children of 6,7 years old going to school on public transport in the busiest cities.

I wouldn't leave them for that long though.

There are cultural differences, and it's not uncommon for German children to have more freedom than British children. However, I would heed @Buddyelf 's post, Bereft. It isn't worth it. And children knowing that they're not allowed to do something is one thing, but knowing for certain that they won't do it when your back is turned is another thing entirely.

No, not until at least younger one is in secondary.
People who can it do this anyway without thinking, so you must have gut feeling you shouldn't, OP. Don't do it if so, regardless of the local rule. You know your child better than others.

Absolutely not. Your DH is irresponsible to even suggest this and as PP have suggested it is classified as neglect.

@NameXForThis

You would actually be arrested for this where I am.... Leaving a child under the age of 12 without appropriate supervision is illegal - yes, even when going in to pay for petrol and leaving them in the car alone or letting them walk home from school alone.....

That seems really excessive. an average neurotypical 12 year old should be able to sit in a car for a few minutes or walk to and from school (assuming it's a reasonable distance). What on earth happens when they turn 13 and are suddenly allowed to be out of sight?

Absolutely no way would I leave children at this age. When you have kids you can’t always do all the things that you did pre kids and that’s just how it is. As others have said get a takeaway or a proper babysitter. My son is 10 and very very sensible but I would never do this.

I'm also in Germany and it is indeed very normal for young children to walk home from school on their own. And they have to carry all their books around so they do it with massive backpacks. It's very much seen as a necessary part of developing independence.

My parents did this, but I guess these days people view it as unacceptable. Personally I think it'd be fine if you've got the neighbours on standby.

We were older, but my parents used to leave me (10) and my 14 year old sibling alone while they went out.
14 year old would go out, leave me alone. I was terrified of every noise and too scared to leave the living room even for a wee.
Since parents would text 14 year old to let them know they were on their way back, they would hotfoot it back from their mates or the park so it all looked OK on return. (They also got paid a tenner for "looking after" me, but thats by the by...)
Don't leave them until younger one is old enough to be a little bit self sufficient. And don't rely on an older sibling to look after them, either.

8 years old sounds too young for me, especially in the evening. Personally, I’d think secondary school age for the younger one to be left in the charge of the older one (so 11 and 13 let’s say) assuming that they are both quite responsible - honestly, I’m not certain that strangers can put an absolute age on when a child can be safely left, some children are much more cautious/responsible than others.

I’d also say there’s a big difference between popping out to the shops and going to dinner in terms of the timing. I remember being left at home sometimes with my sister when I was about 12 (she would have been 15), but feeling a bit nervous because it was dark outside, and I certainly wouldn’t have wanted to go to bed without seeing my parents first.

It’s the summer holidays, do you know a responsible teenager who wants some baby-sitting money? Neighbour’s child? Plenty of 16yo want a bit of extra spending money and would enjoy the responsibility.

Imagine a fire in your building.
You have left 2 minors home alone.
Doesn't bear thinking about...

Why on earth ask when you’ve clearly already decided that it’s fine?
For the record, I don’t think it’s ok. And your rationalization of the possible disasters are very weak. Of course kids know they’re not supposed to cook or answer the door but kids do stuff they’re not supposed to do all the time. And you’re expecting either an 8 or 10 year old to get to the neighbours in a timely manner and raise the alarm in the event of choking? It only takes 3 minutes for irreversible brain damage to occur when the brain is starved of oxygen. Yeah sure it’s an unlikely event but why on earth risk it just so you can go out to dinner? It’s not ok but just keep telling yourself whatever you need to because I don’t think you’re going to get much encouragement here.

@HagridsBackTeeth - I find it quite excessive, too.
Growing up in a different state, I walked home with an older sibling from age 8 and it was a good 35 minute walk - but I was never, ever left at home alone! The law in my home state was more vague though, it didn’t give a minimum age just described requiring supervision until of an “appropriate age”.

Is there a reason you don’t want to pay for a babysitter OP ?

I just left my 10 year old home while the 8 year old and I popped to the shops - less than an hour, and only 10 mins away, and the 10 year old is ridiculously reliable.

I wouldn't leave the two of them alone together, and I wouldn't do it at night though..

I’m quite relaxed with parenting, but even I’d say it’s too young op.

DD is 11.5, has walked to and from primary school since 10 (5 minutes one main road) . When she starts secondary she will be getting train/bus but only when she’s confirmed to do it alone.
She also stays home when we go food shopping.
It’s not fair to expect the (slightly) older one to babysit, that would be my main concern.

What neglectful parents you are for considering it. Why not just go on holiday for the week and leave them home alone. They are only kids after all.

Apart from the fact that it is objectively an irresponsible thing to do - even if nothing goes wrong, I bet they would feel uncomfortable and could feel scared.
We were left at home prob from when my brother was 13 or 14 and i was 10/11. He used to get freaked out by noises in the house. I would pull a knife out of the kitchen drawer and go investigate.

one could be sick or choke and the other doesnt know what to do
knock next door for help

Good God, how can you give such a casual reply ? Choking would be an emergency, children die from it. Unbelievable

No way would I do that and I'm pretty laid back

Why do you want to risk the health and safety of your children for the sake of a burger and some wine

Grenfell, Madeleine McCann...
do you really need to go online and ask strangers on how to be a good parent and for a list of reasons why you shouldn’t neglect your children.

You should be ashamed of yourself

This has got to be a joke... not safe and very irresponsible of you. Pay for a sitter or get a takeaway. That comment you have made about expecting them to walk home from school aged 5 is disgraceful as well (unless you live next door to the school).