AIBU to leave 8 & 10 year alone to go out to dinner?

[BereftOfInk]

DH has suggested we go out to dinner together and leave the DC home alone. His parents often did this once he turned 10. I don't know if I'm being over protective as I was never left alone as a child. We live in a block of flats and would let our direct neighbours know they were alone, DC know them and could go and knock if they needed help for any reason. They offered to do this a while ago, but we thought the DC were too young so didn't. Neighbour suggested it as it's what her parents did when she was young (she wouldn't want to sit in our flat with them).

Get them ready for bed, stick a film on and let them go to bed when tired/fall asleep on the sofa. Acceptable or not?

Just get the kids to bed and order a take away! You can both have a drink, you can relax and have a nice meal

I wouldn't leave them alone in the evening. I probably wouldn't leave my two when they get to that age in the day either but my parents did. When I was 12 I would stay at home with my 2 year old sister whilst my mum and dad went grocery shopping. I always had the option to go with them and two of my other siblings but would refuse. I was not allowed to answer the door or use the cooker. They would usually be gone one or two hours. We were fine, I was quite mature for my age though and it was a different time then. I don't think I would do it with mine.

I would get a babysitter if I were you or takeout.

It's been proven that kids do not wake up when smoke/ fire alarms go off - I never left mine asleep for that reason and yours are too young for more than a pop to the shops scenario anyway.
Now they are 15&12 I'll happily leave them as the 15 year old (or both of them), happily wait up

"local" advice is:
Eltern empfehlen wir:

Bis zum 3. Lebens­jahr sollte ein Kind immer beaufsichtigt werden und niemals allein zu Hause sein.
A child should always be supervised until the age of 3 and never be at home alone.

Ab dem 4. Lebens­jahr kann das Kind schon mal 15 bis 30 Minuten alleine sein. Das gilt aber nur, wenn das Kind in der eigenen Wohnung oder auf einem anderen sicheren Gelände spielt und die Eltern in der Nähe sind.
From the age of 4, the child can be alone for 15 to 30 minutes. However, this only applies if the child is playing in his own apartment or on another safe area and the parents are nearby.

Ab etwa dem 7. Lebens­jahr sind auch schon mal bis zu zwei Stunden alleine zu Hause möglich.
From around the age of 7, up to two hours can be spent alone at home.

test.de sprach mit Diplom-Sozialpädagogin Dana Urban von der Bundes­konferenz für Erziehungs­beratung (BKE), dem Fach­verband der Erziehungs- und Familien­beratung.
test.de spoke to Dana Urban, a graduate social educator from the Federal Conference on Educational Counselling (BKE), the professional association for educational and family counselling.

which is basically what DH is quoting at me, telling me I'm being ridiculously over protective and British.

Pay for a babysitter like a normal person

In the unlikely event something went wrong you are putting a lot of responsibility and potentially feelings of guilt on to your children.

I leave my 12 year old for a couple of hours - but never in charge of his younger sibling, it's not his job to babysit (yet).

Not a chance. I wouldn't leave my 10 year old to go out for a meal either. I'd leave the 13 year old, but I don't trust him to watch out for his brother, so that means we either get a babysitter, or we don't go out.

@BereftOfInk

"local" advice is: Eltern empfehlen wir:

Bis zum 3. Lebens­jahr sollte ein Kind immer beaufsichtigt werden und niemals allein zu Hause sein.
A child should always be supervised until the age of 3 and never be at home alone.

Ab dem 4. Lebens­jahr kann das Kind schon mal 15 bis 30 Minuten alleine sein. Das gilt aber nur, wenn das Kind in der eigenen Wohnung oder auf einem anderen sicheren Gelände spielt und die Eltern in der Nähe sind.
From the age of 4, the child can be alone for 15 to 30 minutes. However, this only applies if the child is playing in his own apartment or on another safe area and the parents are nearby.

Ab etwa dem 7. Lebens­jahr sind auch schon mal bis zu zwei Stunden alleine zu Hause möglich.
From around the age of 7, up to two hours can be spent alone at home.

test.de sprach mit Diplom-Sozialpädagogin Dana Urban von der Bundes­konferenz für Erziehungs­beratung (BKE), dem Fach­verband der Erziehungs- und Familien­beratung.
test.de spoke to Dana Urban, a graduate social educator from the Federal Conference on Educational Counselling (BKE), the professional association for educational and family counselling.

which is basically what DH is quoting at me, telling me I'm being ridiculously over protective and British.

Just because you can doesn't mean you should...

I wouldn’t if this is the very first time ever and you’ll be gone ages. If you could build up to this by going for a few shorter trips then maybe?

First of all I cannot understand why you leave your children at home when you go food shopping. Either do it when they are in school, if you are working take them with you, or better wait til your dh gets home and leave them with him. That is what I used to do.
No way on earth should you leave them alone to go out for a meal to a restaurant. Are you so desperate for an evening out that you would leave a 10 yr old in charge of an 8 year old??

Can't get over 5 year olds being expected to walk home from school.
Mine wouldn't have made it round the corner.

First of all I cannot understand why you leave your children at home when you go food shopping

There's this virus that's been doing the rounds recently and you weren't supposed to take children to the shops, advice was one person per family to do the shopping. And due to this virus, the schools were closed. Oh, and when I managed to get onto the website (after a 2 hour wait) the delivery slots for the following three weeks were booked out.

Wow, that advice is crazy! 2 hours at the age of 7?

We are currently not allowed on school grounds either (my daughter is 7) but that doesn't mean she walks home alone, it means that I wait at the gate to pick her up just outside the school grounds.

Personally my belief is that a 10 year old is not capable and should not be help responsible for keeping another child safe. If something were to happen your eldest child will live with that for the rest of their lives, don't put them in that position, it isn't fair.

Either hire an actual sitter to be responsible for them or don't go is my opinion.

Mine are 12 and nearly 10...no way would I do this.

Within viewing distance of our house is a really nice pub with a restaurant...if it was just my eldest, I'd happily leave him for an hour
and a half to have an early dinner or lunch but not with my youngest dc as well,.

When you wake up the morning, you are not presented with a time of when an accident will happen. parent's kiss their children goodbye; going to work/going to school/popping to the shops.
You cannot foresee an accident, no matter how hard you may include preventative measures.
The fact is, it is astonishing you are prepared to leave your young children for a meal out.
You can have a date night/lovely meal at home when they are in bed. Or go out as a family. At 8 & 10 this is much more reasonable, for family chat & enjoyable experience than 2 toddlers.
Your husband can't force you and you can tell him to SOD OFF !

Crimsonlake not all of us have a dh who can look after them. I'm a single parent, with no family support. Until recently, it would have been breaking the lockdown rules to leave them with anyone else. My children's school has been shut since March and we haven't been able to get home deliveries. So it's a choice between exposing them to Covid-19 (and/or exposing all the other people they could infect) or leaving them home alone. I think the risk is lower if I leave them home alone.

I was often left at 10 in charge of two younger siblings. I hated it. Things happened that I struggled to deal with. It's too much responsibility for a 10 year old.

You seem to have already decided you're fine to do this so not really sure why you've asked.

Absolutely not acceptable!

No. Just no.

Why can't you arrange a neighbour to babysit. Letting them aware your kids are alone might prompt them to call social services. I wouldn't even leave my 12 Yr old alone at home let alone 10.

No way on this earth!
No dinner date is worth the risk so get a bloody takeaway ffs.

Get a babysitter. You'd never forgive yourself if something happened while you were out. Or go out early and take the kids along too?

You would actually be arrested for this where I am.... Leaving a child under the age of 12 without appropriate supervision is illegal - yes, even when going in to pay for petrol and leaving them in the car alone or letting them walk home from school alone.....

Mine are 11 and 8 and I've just started leaving them while I pop to our local shop, and I'm there and back within 20 mins max. Come September my 11 year old will be home for 2 hours alone most evenings, but although she could collect her sister from school, her sister will be going in after school club as I believe the 11 year old is still too young to have that level of responsibility. There is no way I'd leave them on an evening, not until at least my 11yo is 13/14 and would all depend on the maturity of her younger sibling.