AIBU to leave 8 & 10 year alone to go out to dinner?

[BereftOfInk]

DH has suggested we go out to dinner together and leave the DC home alone. His parents often did this once he turned 10. I don't know if I'm being over protective as I was never left alone as a child. We live in a block of flats and would let our direct neighbours know they were alone, DC know them and could go and knock if they needed help for any reason. They offered to do this a while ago, but we thought the DC were too young so didn't. Neighbour suggested it as it's what her parents did when she was young (she wouldn't want to sit in our flat with them).

Get them ready for bed, stick a film on and let them go to bed when tired/fall asleep on the sofa. Acceptable or not?

I really dont understand why you wouldnt just get a sitter?

Cant you get a local 16 year old? They are usually the cheapest option and would manage ok with an 8 & 10 year old

As @Feralkidsatthecampsite said, I think you need to consider the capabilities of children that young to deal with any emergencies. They may not be able to get to a neighbour depending on the accident or incident. Not sure what the legal position is where you live but I believe the minimum age in the UK is 12 for a child to be unsupervised.

Fred - it is perfectly normal in some countries (as others have pointed out on the thread) for young children to walk home from school.

Definitely not, going for a meal is a non-essential, why would you do that?

Having said that my mother used to disappear for hours to visit her extra marital 'friends' when I was 12 leaving me in charge of a 7 year old. I was deep fat frying the dinner at that age. Makes me shudder to think what could have happened.

No way sorry op it's bad you've even thought of it. I live in a block of flats it would take seconds to fall from a window or balcony or cause a fire accidents happen. Pay for a babysitter or just don't go. My mum used to always do this to us and we'd act like we didn't mind and wanted to babysit but we never did. Kids shouldn't be forced to watch or raise kids.

@myrtleWilson it’s also acceptable in some countries to torture and eat dogs. It doesn’t make it right. It is never acceptable to expect a child of 5 to walk home alone

There and back in two hours and before 10 pm and I would, otherwise no.

YABU and I'd call it neglectful if you went ahead.

If you can afford to go out for a meal then you can afford a babysitter. To leave a 10 year old in charge of an 8 year old!! You should be ashamed of yourself and that includes your husband for suggesting it.

@TheHoundsofLove at age 5?

they try to cook and set a fire, they know they're not allowed to.
they let someone in who knocks they know they're not allowed to answer the door bell (my neighbour would knock to check on them rather than ring)

Because no child has ever done stuff they know they're not allowed to, eh?

Totally wrong to leave them alone - the 10 year old cannot be responsible for the 8 year old, for one thing.

@Estraya I'm a single parent too and I've been taking my DS to the supermarket. Leaving him home alone wouldn't even cross my mind, the Covid risk pales in comparison.

Absolutely no way & quite frankly worrying that you’re even considering this

Just to add, I'd leave a 10 year old longer than two hours but not an 8 year old, and I wouldn't leave a 10 year old in charge of the 8 year old, so I wouldn't leave the 8 year old for any longer than I'd be happy to leave them just on their own. If that makes sense.

A friend of a friend left her 8 year old and 10 year old sons alone for an hour whilst she did the shopping. The 10 year old choked on a piece of Lego. The 8 year old panicked and but rang 999. When said friend got home, there were police and ambulance waiting for her. She got charged and convicted of child neglect. It continues to have consequences for these children.
Don't do it.

@Ihaventgottimeforthis

Can't get over 5 year olds being expected to walk home from school. Mine wouldn't have made it round the corner.

Yes - I was doing it on occasions from 5 or 6. Not too far though (1/4 mile or so), no bad road junctions and with a friend (same age) most of the way. One distracting sweet shop was the main problem, plus a lady who went hilariously mad if we kicked her fence (no idea how we found this out), so it became an enticing fence to kick. Sorry, lady. The other problem was a monster that according to classmates hid behind cars on the obvious route, so I had to go a different way.

That was 40 yrs ago though, there's no way I'd have let my son do it before 10 (at which age I was catching a bus to and from a different school, and making it to and from the bus station, despite having being run over aged 9!)

Goodness no, and I'm normally saying the complete opposite on these types of threads. Mine are 7 and 10 and never in the world would u do this. I do leave my 10 year old for a couple of hours on the day but 7 year old not yet!

How would you even relax and enjoy yourself knowing your kids are home alone at that age? Read the previous post. Absolutely fucking chilling. Kids left alone do daft things out of character which you would never expect. Why would you take the risk?

OP, you’re probably not reading anymore, and I wouldn’t blame you if you weren’t! I’m in Germany too, and this is very much a cultural thing. Children here have much more independence and responsibility than they do in the UK. My 5yo also walked home from school, and she (7) and her brother (6) walk together now.

So I advise you ask local friends and parents what they’d do. Not randoms on the internet who have no understanding of the cultural norms where you are. And if you don’t want to go with the cultural norms, go with your gut.

It’s true that in different countries there are different norms around this. In the UK we are more “protective” for want of a better word, over our children. Therefore if you ask this question on a predominantly British forum, those are the answers you will get. You may well get different answers on a forum based elsewhere.

My answer would be, you know your own DC. You know the set up in and around your apartment. If you don’t want to leave them and your DH is trying to push you into it, then stand your ground and do what you’re comfortable with.

This thread has to be a joke, here’s a for seriously even considering leaving your kids by themselves at that age OP. I can’t believe you leave them alone to go shopping!!

If the worst were to happen you wouldn’t be able to live with yourself, IMO it’s just not worth the risk.

Surely you must have known you would get absolutely flamed by posting this on here

No. It’s too young to go out at night. I’m generally very liberal, my children play out still and all sorts but that’s too young.

I probably wouldn't do this but not sure why there is such concern that your dc will choke to death. Most people have said they would leave dc of this age during the day. So choking is just an evening thing?

Its completely pointless to post this question here. Most people think the house will explode/aliens will invade if they leave the room their 12 year old dc is in. And those same people are starting threads about how they hate parenting and are exhausted, no bloody wonder.

Gogogadget. It could be true - friends of mine live in Switzerland so not far from south Germany and said it is quite normal for kids to walk home from kindy alone, including for lunch which most go home for

Normal in Japan too. They actually have a TV show about children doing their first errands, the age is 2 - 6.