To leave DH over lack of pension

[Champagneforeveryone]

So long story short, DH has been self employed for most of his life, and recently sprung it on me that he has zero pension provision aside from his state pension.

He's 68 now and still working 3 days a week, insists he will "work till he drops". However this will simply not be possible, for one thing his employer is unlikely to pay for him to renew his professional qualifications when they expire, and the work is physically fairly demanding.

He was furloughed during lockdown and loved every moment of it, lamenting about having to return a few weeks ago. Prior to returning to work he's always in a bad mood and complains endlessly about being tired afterwards. I know he's resentful as we live in a fairly well off area where all our older friends and neighbours are retired and living happy and financially comfortable lives.

Today he was telling me about how he has refused to do a job that he was asked, I don't know the ins and outs but by his telling it sounded like he spoke quite rudely to the secretary. He then said that it would be better if they sent him home. This is not the first time it has happened.

It's suddenly occurred to me that if he was sacked then he would have no choice but to "retire", much against my wishes.

With his state pension and my wages we could get by, but it would be a much diminished life and I am resentful that I will be picking up the slack. I think I would feel happier with where we are if he acknowledged it was in any way his fault or attempted to come up with ways to make the situation easier. Predictably he doesn't.

I'm not a gold digger and I don't have extravagant tastes, but I feel increasingly resentful that I will be working harder for a worse quality of life, while DH's poor choices will have little effect on him. I have in the past considered leaving and now wonder whether IABU?

Is he self employed or employed? Sounds like he’s now employed? Was he ever auto enrolled and opted out or what?

Oh dear God WHAT is the point? The OP has gone long ago so asking questions on his employment status is a waste of energy.

At mid 40's it's not too late to get your own mortgage and still plan for your own future. Even keeping DH but providing alone it's still achievable.

@lilylion

Is he self employed or employed? Sounds like he’s now employed? Was he ever auto enrolled and opted out or what?

The OP answered these questions, maybe read her posts?

It has been unacceptable to the Revenue for years to be “self employed “ but only work for one employer. That’s why numerous people doing this at the BBC were required to pay back tax of ££££ thousands recently. They were designated as employed by the Revenue and saying they were self employed was a scam. Yes, loads do it but it’s a scam. Hence with Covid, the people who haven’t paid income tax are screwed with the self employed scheme and the furlough scheme. I thought the op was referring to her DH doing this. Instead he just couldn’t be bothered to pay into a pension fund.

@My0My

It has been unacceptable to the Revenue for years to be “self employed “ but only work for one employer. That’s why numerous people doing this at the BBC were required to pay back tax of ££££ thousands recently. They were designated as employed by the Revenue and saying they were self employed was a scam. Yes, loads do it but it’s a scam. Hence with Covid, the people who haven’t paid income tax are screwed with the self employed scheme and the furlough scheme. I thought the op was referring to her DH doing this. Instead he just couldn’t be bothered to pay into a pension fund.

This is all true but totally irrelevant to the thread

The op's husband used to be self employed (and we don't know who he did work for or how that was set up) and is now employed.

Meanwhile, it is perfectly possible to be both employed and self employed, but obviously not for the same end user!

Meanwhile, it is perfectly possible to be both employed and self employed, but obviously not for the same end user!

And not be involved in some kind of scam!!!

@My0My

It has been unacceptable to the Revenue for years to be “self employed “ but only work for one employer. That’s why numerous people doing this at the BBC were required to pay back tax of ££££ thousands recently. They were designated as employed by the Revenue and saying they were self employed was a scam. Yes, loads do it but it’s a scam. Hence with Covid, the people who haven’t paid income tax are screwed with the self employed scheme and the furlough scheme. I thought the op was referring to her DH doing this. Instead he just couldn’t be bothered to pay into a pension fund.

This is a gross over-simplification and misrepresentation of HMRCs continuing assault on self employment.

This is all true but totally irrelevant to the thread
It's not all true and not relevant either.

@Hingeandbracket

This is all true but totally irrelevant to the thread It's not all true and not relevant either.

You're right, to be fair I only read the first line because it was so pointless!

So if you retired at 68 and he is 20 years older than you, he would be 88 then, this is a long way off as you are only in your 40s now.

Not to be rude, but why on earth did you leave it until he was 68 to think about this? did it not occur to you earlier?!

I think leaving now is going to be way harder than it would have been if you'd left years ago. Plus, wont you have to split everything financially if you split?- that hardly seems to me like you'll be better off financially doing that

Well do you have a pension?

fflelp

You can be both employed and self employed.
Definitely not a scam.

Dd works as an employee for some companies but then is self employed for the work she does for others.

Bit weird how some posters see op as responsible for his decisions around pensions

So you were mid 30s and he was mid 50s when you got together. Did he not have any £ from a house sale when you decided to rent together?

You don’t really need anyone else to tell you what a precarious situation you’re both in with no house equity and half a pension between you. As others have said, a divorce wouldn’t help the financials as he’d be entitled to half.

Me and DH have been working with a financial advisor since we were late 30s. You still have some time - perhaps find an advisor so that you and DH can be clear on what you’re facing and maybe you can increase payment for your last 15 yrs working life (or squirrel something away for yourself if you leave him).

Leaving someone because they haven't prepared financially for their retirement is really sad.

Not having enough funds in old age is terrible though.

A friend of mine is mid 70s and has so little that she has to keep working. When she was younger she earned ok but spent it sponsoring children in poor countries.

I'd see a financial advisor before leaving him. Then, how would you feel knowing you'd left him because of lack of money? Do you love him?