To think that the worst thing you could be in life is fat.

[Dylaninthemovies1]

It just seems that no matter how successful a woman is in life, none of it matters, if she isnt slim (and preferably pretty too)

And, Online forums seem to be full of fat haters who are very smug and judgemental

My dear friend, referred to above, has a shelf full of international awards and plaques for her intellectual output. But, because she refuses to engage with the proper nourishment for her body, is on course to cut short her life span. I find that tragic.

@XingMing

My dear friend, referred to above, has a shelf full of international awards and plaques for her intellectual output. But, because she refuses to engage with the proper nourishment for her body, is on course to cut short her life span. I find that tragic.

Yes, sometimes highly intelligent people, like all people, neglect their physical health. Tragic? A bit dramatic, but ok, makes sense. Does it mean they are less intelligent? No, no, it doesn't.

She may be unhappy in some way that even with your amazing powers of intelligence, (you are slim afterall, brainiac ), haven't managed to identify.

@Dylaninthemovies1 and now I have just googled too! Actually she looks less fat in the full length photos than in her face. I'm hopeless at guessing what sizes people are, but I don't think anyone would describe her as slim.

Nah, I wouldn’t say slim. But not fat either (except in pregnancy photos where she obviously has a bit of a tummy), id say she was “sturdy”

I disagree. I'm fat and my biggest hurdle to losing weight is that my life is pretty good. I'm not expecting weight gain to have a miraculous effect even though I want and need to lose weight.

I have a great boyfriend, extended family I'm close with, a good job, good friends etc. I'm generally a happy person and health aside, the main thing that weight loss will change is getting to wear nicer clothes. I don't know how I'll do it, I've always just assumed at some point something would click to make me eat better and exercise more but I'm still waiting...

..meanwhile life is good and I stay stuck in my comfort zone.

I do think fat men get more of a pass than fat women. Donald Trump is hardly skinny and yet a certain portion of his male fanbase absolutely hate fat women and go on about how disgusting they are. It's not out of concern for their health, it's because they think fat women are ugly and gross.

@xcess2184

I disagree. I'm fat and my biggest hurdle to losing weight is that my life is pretty good. I'm not expecting weight gain to have a miraculous effect even though I want and need to lose weight.

I have a great boyfriend, extended family I'm close with, a good job, good friends etc. I'm generally a happy person and health aside, the main thing that weight loss will change is getting to wear nicer clothes. I don't know how I'll do it, I've always just assumed at some point something would click to make me eat better and exercise more but I'm still waiting...

..meanwhile life is good and I stay stuck in my comfort zone.

Exactly the same here (apart from the boyfriend - I'm a very happy single mum after years in a shit relationship). I gave up smoking last year when it just clicked in my brain that I don't want to do it any more and it was easy after that. I hope the same will happen with exercise and I'll wake up one day with the motivation to get fit. Fingers crossed!

If you're fat you can always lose the weight. Every single morning when you wake up, that could be the last time you see that big number on the scales. It could be a little lower every day. I know it's hard (I'm not just saying that, I actually really do know) but it is always possible.

That makes it a much better problem to have than many others.

Many things that are far, far worse in life.

I’m 40, morbidly obese, and very happy. Lovely DH and 2 wonderful kids. Good job and nice home. Supportive family and friends. I’m really fortunate that my life has (against the odds) turned out really bloody well and I’m happy.

In this culture, in the eyes of others? Maybe. At least addicts who shop or use drugs don't wear it on their bodies 24/7. Food addicts have too.
Humans are biologically wired to see fat as disgusting because its not great evolution wise. Which doesn't help.

@SecretWitch I am horrified by that. I constantly tells my kids that we come in different shapes, sizes and we all have wee quirky bits that make us A bit different.

I also implore to them that if they see something which they’re curious about (and I like to think with children it comes from a place of genuine curiosity rather than malice) that they wait until we’re in a private and quiet space and I’ll answer whatever they like.

Can you tell these eejits to fuck off?

I understand this. When I was growing up, no matter how well I did at school, sport, or anything else, my weight would always be brought up (by my mother). No matter what I did in terms of career or personal success, my fat spoiled it. As long as I was fat, I could never just relax and enjoy being me.

And then I internalised that thinking. That’s the killer - we say it to ourselves.

Overweight makes life harder ( if not through medication or conditions), I used to 12st 6, now roughly 10st 6 at 5’4”, and 58.cause bad menopause and over eating , and craving sugar.
Lost it all at 50.
I now have hormonal depression and Inflammed feet, meds side effect.
At its basic level, food is fuel,,it will not hug you tho, or make issues go away.
There are much bigger issues tho, job worries and health issues.
The other side of the coin is anorexia equally harming.
Focus on the bigger stuff, and lose weight if you can

My motivation was after dc2 was diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum. He’s absolutely magic but I thought that he might just need me that wee bit longer than the other two dc....and what use would I be to him if I dropped dead of a heart attack at 52 because I was so obese?

My weight loss was about my health. Of course it is a wonderful bonus to look more attractive but really, I was worried about my health...and about leaving my lovely son before he is ready to go it alone.
There has to be a switch and that was mine.

That is

I could have several degrees, be a ceo be a president and yet my mum is still far more impressed with someone's ability to stay slim and have willpower to not eat than education or any career or life achievement

Are you the sister I never knew about? My mother was exactly the same.

Quite often tho the reason for being over weight is not food,often unresolved issues

But there have been times when being voluptuous, Rubenesque, was considered far more desirable
I believe they are just as desirable today health issues aside I think many people find large partners attractive I know lots of really beautiful attractive larger ladies from TV and RL it is down to confidence, a lovely person is lovely whatever their size.
Female celebrities of all shapes and sizes constantly have their body's scrutinised.

@pictish You sound like you are in a good place.

I get this. I am a stone if not more over my ideal weight and that is all I think of. My stomach is big and I hate it, but I can fit in 10/12 clothes but still hate myself.
I am a single mum to 3 children. I exercise and ride my horse. I really dont know why I am so wrapped up in my weight when there are more important things going on.
I guess my main thing is will I ever get a BF or partner when I have a17, 13 and 5yr old, not that I am overally bothered as ive just taken on a rescue horse.

I know what you mean OP, I'm short and a size 14, generally I feel quite good about myself; I've lost over 2 stone, I weight lift so I'm stronger than I used to be, and I'm an hourglass so (I think) carry the weight quite well. I've had a bad couple of days mentally though and have read more threads about weight than I should have done and I feel disgusting - loads of comments about how posters would rather be dead than a size 12, how short women shouldn't be more than a size 10 and even that would be chubby, how a short woman who is a size 14 must be obese etc etc etc. Don't get me wrong, I know I'm overweight (not obese), but I feel like I'm circus freak proportions now. There's so much venom towards overweight people, it's horrible. And yes I know, I shouldn't read the threads.

I have a 17 yr old DD who has an eating disorder and a 20yr old sister who has been in hospital 5 times with an eating disorder. My mum has also for the past couple of years gone skinny but looks old with it. I feel my body is fine apart from my belly, everyday I hate it but actually who cares. I am a single mum!

Re. Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.
@pictish said
I can confirm that to be true. Nothing does.
See, no, I don't agree. I have been skinny. I'm not fat now-more fleshy hourglass at the moment, and I felt ok skinny. Clothes were easier, and I do love clothes, but I do also love food. When I was a bit overweight it wasn't because I was eating shite, it was just good food, a bit too much.
Food is a massive part of my life. I grew up in a culture where food and social eating was important. Cooking for your family = love, being comfortably sized is maternal and beautiful in itself. There's nothing wrong with that imo.
Personally I'm happiest at my fighting weight of a solid size 12 but I still think larger women are beautiful and powerful and generous and I would rather someone was enjoying life than worrying all the time and feeling lesser.

Look, I’m not taking the quote as being literal. I was being flippant.
I’m not ‘skinny’...I’m a normal weight. Just healthy.

I’m saying that as far as I’m concerned, pizza (or whatever) is nice but being a healthy weight is nicer. I’d rather watch what I eat and stay that way than eat more pizza than I should and put on weight. I’ve done it both ways and I know which way is far preferable for me.

These threads intrigue me. Most of MN profess to be a size 8/10 - which would have been a 12 when I was young - and would “rather be dead” than a 12. Yet more than 60% of the population is overweight or obese and the tiny sizes are always the last to sell out. It doesn’t really add up.

When you get to a certain age a bit of extra weight is a good thing. If you’ve got to choose between your face and your bottom, your face is better, more people look at it.