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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that the worst thing you could be in life is fat.

305 replies

Dylaninthemovies1 · 28/07/2020 16:33

It just seems that no matter how successful a woman is in life, none of it matters, if she isnt slim (and preferably pretty too)

And, Online forums seem to be full of fat haters who are very smug and judgemental

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 28/07/2020 16:55

I see that with other women who I think are successful: they have a massive amount of focus on losing weight

Well that's probably because successful people in general, tend to focus on certain goals and go all out to achieve them.

SecretWitch · 28/07/2020 16:55

Ahhh, yes..just took a mo to read the title. My goady radar is working overtime,

I agree with you. Some people on MN absolutely froth at the idea of a fat women having lovers or wearing a revealing bathing suit.

CloudsCanLookLikeSheep · 28/07/2020 16:56

Depends how much value you put on others' opinion of you

LockdownLoser · 28/07/2020 16:56

I can see why you qould think that after some of the threads I have read on here lately 😐

CloudsCanLookLikeSheep · 28/07/2020 16:57

The worst thing in life is to need external validation IMO

WorraLiberty · 28/07/2020 16:57

Boris isn't exactly a 'Slim Jim' himself, is he? Perhaps he should set an example.

I suppose it's alright for men to be "big" not fat and women must be dainty.

Why do people keep saying this when it's so well documented that Boris is losing weight? He keeps stating that being overweight hampered is recovery from Covid-19.

shemadeit · 28/07/2020 16:59

@SecretWitch

Op, I have one leg. What I wouldn’t give to know what it is like to run or even just walk without a limp. I only swim in private pools as I can’t bear the staring and questions from other people..

Honestly what is wrong with people? Why do people care if you’ve only got one leg? I have a six year old and I’d expect him to stare and have questions which I’d deal with appropriately and with sensitivity. But adults? That’s terrible.

Andthewinnerislucky · 28/07/2020 17:00

To be clear, I have no problem with the word 'fat'. It's how people actually see "fat"/fatness' that's the issue. One can't even have some 'flesh' on them without being called fat or people calling themselves hideous fat monsters.

Not my problem.

Yankathebear · 28/07/2020 17:00

Very true on here sadly @Dylaninthemovies1

JorisBonson · 28/07/2020 17:01

Everyone on Mumsnet is a neat size 8 and cannot eat anything for 3 days after a big breakfast. Don't you know that OP?

I've never been typically slim and have never been treated any differently to those with a different body type. In fact, I got skinny after my marriage break up and it's the only time anyone had ever negatively commented on my weight.

JorisBonson · 28/07/2020 17:02

Be more like Lizzo.

www.instagram.com/p/CBUUvXKAQ-S/?igshid=17dmkw5ut6scf

uniglowooljumper · 28/07/2020 17:02

Fuck no! You could be a smoker who is fat and enjoys over a thimble of sherry on Christmas.

Sofasogood1 · 28/07/2020 17:02

I don't think it's even just a looks thing. I think people think 'Being fat is bad for your health. Why won't this person therefore lose weight? They must be stupid or irresponsible or both.'

Obviously it's not that simple to lose weight but I do think that's it

uniglowooljumper · 28/07/2020 17:03

@JorisBonson

Everyone on Mumsnet is a neat size 8 and cannot eat anything for 3 days after a big breakfast. Don't you know that OP?

I've never been typically slim and have never been treated any differently to those with a different body type. In fact, I got skinny after my marriage break up and it's the only time anyone had ever negatively commented on my weight.

They are size 8 AND above 5ft., 5in.
notacooldad · 28/07/2020 17:03

God no, there are way worse things. Is this a goady thread?
I get the point op is making.

nikkylou · 28/07/2020 17:04

Sometimes it feels like that.

There is definitely a stigma. A perception of lack of self-control and will power. That somehow must trickle down into all aspects of your life. I mean...if you can't stop yourself from eating a biscuit and can't stick to a diet then... well how are you going to be motivated to stick at a career.

I'm very overweight. It feels like obesity is the only thing everyone is talking about. How we are all so fat even the government needs to step in. How selfish we are that if we get sick, in this pandemic, what a strain we are going to put on the health service. How its such a huge risk factor. It is and I know but we can't make it disappear overnight.

Its definitely seen as a failing, that you could have controlled but didn't. I can't think of any other, "self-inflicted" condition that people view in quite the same way.

Alcoholism, Drug addiction certainly have a stigma, but people on the whole, seem to view them as needing help and support, that there was a underlying cause that made them turn to their substance.

You're right, no matter how successful women - its always reported as in spite of her weight. And if/when she losses it, how much better she is for it. Susan Boyle, Adele for instance.

I think there is also a self-limiting element. Take a job interview. You believe you are worth less because you are fat, you come across less confident, struggle more to find good things to say about yourself - you don't view yourself positively, even if you're not consciously thinking about your weight. You don't get the job - you internalise the message you didn't get it because you're fat. You're even less confident in yourself.

I have no idea where I read it. But remember someone saying, they noticed, as they lost weight people seemed more friendly, they had more positive interactions. Then they realised, it wasn't because of the weight but because they came across differently; they felt better about themselves and it showed.

CatRamsey · 28/07/2020 17:04

I know what you mean OP.

I'm huge and it's making me depressed. But I became huge because of my depression. So it's a vicious circle and it's never going to end. I've lost all my confidence and personality and people don't treat me the same anymore.

Yes it's what's on the inside that counts. But unfortunately lots of people don't give you a chance to show your inner beauty if they don't like the look of what's on the outside.

I'm not pretty either, so I have absolutely nothing going for me.

What I hate is when 'body positive' adverts show a sexy curvy girl, or someone with wide hips, or a 'plus' size model whose a size 12. Rather than actual fat person, and the claim to love all body types.

My life would be so different if I were thinner. So yes, for me personally, it is certainly one of the worst things to have happened.

MacduffsMuff · 28/07/2020 17:04

It's pretty obvious from the OPs post (if not the thread title) that what she means is that it seems that this is the case, not that the OP actually believes it to be true. After reading some of the comments on some threads on here over the last couple of days I can see exactly what the OP means.

The vitriol and sneering of people who are fat is utterly shit.

ZeldalovesLink · 28/07/2020 17:05

I am supportive of the sentiment of this thread but that is a really horrible thread title!

burdog · 28/07/2020 17:05

OP I think you're projecting your insecurities.

JorisBonson · 28/07/2020 17:05

@uniglowooljumper exactly!

And probably miserable as fuck.

Dancingonmylonesome · 28/07/2020 17:07

No on mumsnet being a small man is the biggest crime ever

Newnamenewopenme · 28/07/2020 17:07

I get your point! Take Adele for instance, she’s amazing as a performer and song writer, but when she lost weight she seemed to get more praise for that than anything else. Her body size is nobody else’s business other than hers! So many people are obsessed with the size of others over their skills and other amazing factors.

Emeraldshamrock · 28/07/2020 17:08

Everyone on Mumsnet is a neat size 8 and cannot eat anything for 3 days after a big breakfast. Don't you know that OP?
I doubt it. It is this kind of comment that causes chaos on weight threads.

vampirethriller · 28/07/2020 17:08

I'm fat. I've also been a heroin and crack addict, a prostitute, homeless, anorexic, suicidal and in a mental unit.
I'll take fat over any of those things.