To think that the worst thing you could be in life is fat.

[Dylaninthemovies1]

It just seems that no matter how successful a woman is in life, none of it matters, if she isnt slim (and preferably pretty too)

And, Online forums seem to be full of fat haters who are very smug and judgemental

I am not overweight because food tastes nicer to me than being skinny feels. It's so much more complicated than that.

@JacquelineLadyBugg, I'm sure what you say is true of most people, but I really think it isn't true of me. I just LOVE the taste of good food. I almost never eat processed food or rubbish, just way too much good home cooking and wine. In my twenties I lived on cigarettes, black coffee and nerves - through choice, but after having DC I just relaxed and enjoyed lolling around the house cooking pasta bakes for the family and then eating them.

I honestly think my major issue is that the deliciousness of food makes me really happy. I wish I had less of a sensory response to it, so it was a bit meh and I could take it or leave it. When I smoked, I think I had weaker sense receptors so food didn't taste as good. I went for a cocktail the other day and the flavours in it were so good I felt high. I don't think people with small appetites have that OTT response - if they do, they have willpowers of iron.

Sorry that post sounds really Me me me. What I meant was - some people really do get almost a high of pleasure from the flavours in food and that makes overeating much more addictive.

Most adults in the UK are fat. And no, it is never healthy to be overweight. Saying you are fit and healthy is like a smoker saying they are fit and healthy. That said, only a minuscule number of people are likely to be at maximal health, it’s just that not everyone advertises their health vulnerabilities on the outside of their bodies for everyone to see and make nasty judgements about.

Emerald thanks for that. I appreciate it.
I don’t especially mind the naysayers on this thread. I’m confident that I’m looking my best and living well because I watch what I eat and take plenty of exercise. Others may prefer to do things another way and that’s fine. Those that are being sour to me aren’t having any impact because I know that I’m doing what’s right for me.

I don't think people with small appetites have that OTT response - if they do, they have willpowers of iron
In my situation with a small appetite I don't have much willpower I just genuinely don't have that response to food. I understand it my DP is a foodie if we are out past dinner it changes his personality, he has a constant battle between hunger and his waist. It is overpowering I can see it in his face.

Fair enough monkey. I definitely think some people who overeat, eat to the point that food doesn't taste good anymore though. I've done it myself! Often under the guise of getting rid of said food...so I don't eat the food . Madness. I don't do that anymore, but I definitely have.

I think if everyone ate healthy food because it tasted good and felt genuinely good - not overstuffed, sick, guilty etc, we would actually have fewer overweight people. I think it comes to a point where it is almost self harm . Especially when someone is very overweight and clearly suffering as a result but they can't stop overeating. Where is the sense in that? It is totally irrational and I think KM tried to simplify / rationalise it with her famous comment, which is why I find it to be generally untrue.

@FluffyKittensinabasket

Only on Mumsnet where everybody is a size 8 and “teeny tiny” and nobody eats pizza.

I've read this sort of post a few times in the last couple of days but I don't understand it.

There are far more posts on MN that start with "Well I'm overweight", or end with "And I say that as an overweight woman".

Way more imo.

Having struggled with disordered eating my entire life I can see why you get that impression OP, especially if you are reading Mumsnet. Honestly the weight loss/weight related threads on this site are worse than many of the pro-rexia sites I used to visit, though I have yet to see someone suggest eating cotton balls to fill you up.

It takes a very strong person to read these threads on this site and not have it send them into a downward spiral of self hate and loathing. Even worse is that the vast, vast, vast majority of the advice on these threads, especially from this purporting care about your health, is false and downright dangerous, especially if you suffer from disordered eating.

The only thing I can say is to try and ignore them. There are far worse things than being fat, and allowing yourself to fall into a yo-yo dieting, restrict/binge, over exercise cycle is one of them. The long term damage I've done to my body from starving myself is far worse than the damage some extra pounds would have done.

“That said, only a minuscule number of people are likely to be at maximal health, it’s just that not everyone advertises their health vulnerabilities on the outside of their bodies for everyone to see and make nasty judgements about.”

This is the truth. Fat people get a harder time of it, largely because it’s there for everyone to see. Plenty of people have life-impacting addictions...smoking, alcohol, gambling, sex, drugs, shopping, pornography, whatever. You don’t look at someone and see a selfish spending problem...or a nasty when drunk problem...or a wanking day and night over online porn problem.
Fat-ism is a fucking lazy prejudice to harbour.

@pictish there is pizza and then there is pizza , I hate the deep pan stodgy plastic cheese covered ones, I hate stuffed crust, I do love a really thin hand stretched one with olives and vegtables though. I also love cheese in all its varieties except blue.
My favourite meal would be a charcuterie board, if I ate this type of meal I would be slimmer because I feel fuller quicker with a picky meal than if I serve up my norrmal gargantuan portions of food on one plate. I naturally eat slower with a picky meal than if the food is all on one plate. Same goes for BBQ's. I suppose both are protein heavy too.Also if I eat a picky meal I am concentrating on the food, food on a plate can be eaten whilst I mumsnet

I can think of numerous overweight, successful women.
My husband, not a woman I admit!, is very fat and very successful.

Good education is the key.

Sorry me again...just wanted to say this before I get on with my day:

How food relates to your lifestyle might be a big factor for some. If you’re the sort of person to enjoy socialising in pubs, restaurants, at barbecues with the neighbours, having family round for meals, drinks and nibbles at a friend’s place, birthday meals out and so on, you are probably going to find watching what you eat much more difficult. Those are the occasions that you enjoy, that you look forward to, that fulfil you, that enhance your life outside of work and caring commitments.

I am outgoing and friendly but I’m not especially actively sociable. I’m motivated by being outdoors and in wild places, away from other people. I don’t find myself in the position of having to negotiate my way through lots of social eating and I don’t really drink either...not because of any moral stance against it, I’m just not arsed about pubs or crowds.
It’s easy for me to avoid over indulging because I’m not often in the situation where I’m not catering for myself. My meet-ups with friends do not usually centre around food and drink.

Alison moyet
Aretha franklin
Hilary mantel
Rosie O’Donnell
Oprah at various points
Melissa McCarthy
Kathy bates
Kathy Burke
My girl crush Martine croxall, though she is not very overweight, she bucks the newsreader trend
Maggie aderin-pocock
Annette badland

And the aforementioned Adele, dawn french, Liza tabuck and more.

I think the thing is if you are fucking good at what you do, It doesn’t matter what you weigh or other aspects of your appearance either - as long as you have the confidence to say fuck it and get out there. Not saying that’s easy - but it is not true that any field is just closed to overweight women, if they have the ability.

That in itself is unfair of course, as meeting the skinny pouting beauty ideal will allow all sorts of mediocre types a foot in the door. But there are plenty of women who have shown it can be overcome.

I wonder how a very slim person would feel about how lazy a morbidly obese person was if they were made to wear a 70kg fat suit for a day ?

All the day to day tasks you do as a slim person, I do, whilst carrying that additional weight.

@pictish

“That said, only a minuscule number of people are likely to be at maximal health, it’s just that not everyone advertises their health vulnerabilities on the outside of their bodies for everyone to see and make nasty judgements about.”

This is the truth. Fat people get a harder time of it, largely because it’s there for everyone to see. Plenty of people have life-impacting addictions...smoking, alcohol, gambling, sex, drugs, shopping, pornography, whatever. You don’t look at someone and see a selfish spending problem...or a nasty when drunk problem...or a wanking day and night over online porn problem.
Fat-ism is a fucking lazy prejudice to harbour.

Yes this. I pointed out to someone once that I often see slim people at the checkout with trolleys full of crap and the answer was that they obviously do enough exercise to cancel it out. But what is that saying, “you can't outrun your fork” - some people can it seems.

I really get what you mean. I've come off medication for mental health because i read so many accounts of people gaining weight while taking it. My weight was actually more important than my mental health. Go figure.

Yes this. I pointed out to someone once that I often see slim people at the checkout with trolleys full of crap and the answer was that they obviously do enough exercise to cancel it out. But what is that saying, “you can't outrun your fork” - some people can it seems.

My obvious assumption (if I were to make one at all) would be that they eat it in moderation.

Crap food doesn't have to make you fat. It's portion size and too much snacking that tends to do that.

I think this is why there's an awful lot of assumption on MN that slim people don't enjoy their food or that they only eat healthy meals.

In reality, most slim people I personally know (including myself) just eat and drink whatever they want. They don't get fat because they eat in moderation and tend to move around a lot.

Yes this. I pointed out to someone once that I often see slim people at the checkout with trolleys full of crap and the answer was that they obviously do enough exercise to cancel it out. But what is that saying, “you can't outrun your fork” - some people can it seems

I don’t think it’s just that. Some people have faster metabolisms than others and everyone’s slows as they get older. You only have to look at the amount teenagers eat to see that. If famine struck, those with slower metabolisms would survive for longer.

@frumpety it works depend on why youth have the additional weight. If it was due to illness or medication you would have my sympathy. If it was due to poor life choices then I would think you should focus on exercise and a diet that's wise

Yes when I was young I was naturally slim and could eat anything. I did cycle to work for part of that time, but even when I didn't, it was the same. In my 50s it's totally different. I can literally eat less than half of what I used to and still gain weight. I'm trying to get back to an officially healthy weight, but getting used to eating very little is tough! It's especially hard when you are busy and have kids, because I have to cook for them and east with them, I don't want to model not eating to my kids (for example by having them see me try doing fasting days).

Frumpety one thing I really don't understand about extra weight is why it isn't at least to some extent good for you to be carrying it. After all lifting weights is very good for you, exercise is good for you, so why doesn't extra weight benefit your heart, lungs and muscles in some way, as well as presumably burning extra calories? Instead it's always said to be bad for you and put a "strain" on you.

I'm not suggesting being overweight should therefore be totally healthy, but you'd think it would at least give you a healthy workout.

Maybe someone on here has the scientific knowledge to explain this, I'd really like to know.

The "worst thing" get a grip OP there are worst things in life than being fat.
CF

@Delaberge sorry I don't understand ?

Frumpety one thing I really don't understand about extra weight is why it isn't at least to some extent good for you to be carrying it. After all lifting weights is very good for you, exercise is good for you, so why doesn't extra weight benefit your heart, lungs and muscles in some way, as well as presumably burning extra calories? Instead it's always said to be bad for you and put a "strain" on you.

Lifting weights 24/7 without any rest or exercising 24/7 without any rest would knacker your heart, lungs, muscles and joints.

Obese people don't get to take their weight off every evening or after an hour or two per day.

@frumpety you asked:

I wonder how a very slim person would feel about how lazy a morbidly obese person was if they were made to wear a 70kg fat suit for a day ?

All the day to day tasks you do as a slim person, I do, whilst carrying that additional weight.

I gave my reply

worraliberty yes but no one moves around 24/7, people sit down, relax on the sofa and sleep so you do get a rest.