To think that the worst thing you could be in life is fat.

[Dylaninthemovies1]

It just seems that no matter how successful a woman is in life, none of it matters, if she isnt slim (and preferably pretty too)

And, Online forums seem to be full of fat haters who are very smug and judgemental

Oh, and as for judging you, people will happily judge you for being “too thin”, having a big nose, having sticky out teeth or ears, having smelly breath, having acne, having eczema, having knock knees, having a flat chest, having frizzy hair, having dandruff, having BO, having a huge bust, having thin lips, having fat lips, having a posh viice, sounding common, having a screechy voice, etc, etc. People will always find something to judge you for. Of course being fat isn’t the worst thing to be, it’s just part of a long list of things judgemental people will be judgemental about.

I think overweight people get judged more harshly than any of those other factors.

Is being slim better than being fat? Well looks wise perhaps and health wise definately but it is far more fun eating junk food and partying than eating salad and drinking green tea.

Good Lord, why must so many Mumsnetters insist on pretending that slim people don't have fun, eat junk food and go out partying?

I think this sort of thing when posted over and over again, can be quite damaging because some people will start to believe it.

In actual real life, most slim people I know do all of those things and stay slim. Just not constantly and not to excess.

@pictish - I disagree. I’ve known many successful but fat celebrities, singers, politicians etc. How many successful women do you know with severe acne scars, rabbit teeth and sticking out ears?

Oh thank fuck someone has said it - I've been mentally typing out a similar post for a few days, but yes, 100% - ACCORDING TO MN AND SOCIAL MEDIA, the worst thing you can be is fat, and I'm sick to death of all the threads highlighting our supposed failures/laziness/lack of self control in new and scathing ways.

Every other thread is about weight loss or dress size or how to be slim or how the government should force people to stop being so fucking fat. If you've been a bit fat all your life like I have you know how to lose weight - it's very basic science. But it just isn't that simple, and the billion pound diet industry and millions of overweight and obese people are proof of that.

I'm tired of it all, exhausted and sick and bored and drained and wish any single one of the smug know-it-all posts could throw me a fucking epiphany. But they won't, because it's all the same old shit. No one has anything new to say.

Disagree if you like, won’t change the fact that it’s true. Women with acne scars are not subject to the same vitriol that fat women are. Women with big noses, thin lips or sticky out ears are not verbally abused in the street like fat women are.

I think being fat is generally associated with being lazy and lacking in discipline. Personally I think there are many things that you could,be that would be far worse. I do believe that fat women are looked down on more than fat men. I’m not sure what would change that really.

Also on MNs it's size 8 or obese. No middle ground & height seems irrelevant. It's all very strange.

@pictish - but yes they are. I guess you don’t have experience of that, because you are none of those things!

Two ways of looking at this one: the ‘fuck yeah! There are far worse things than being fat - such as being racist, misogynist, homophobic or an abusive bully, to name but a few...’ answer.

And.... subjectively. I’ve had all of the following hurled at me for having the temerity to have once been a chubby chick: having male colleagues shout abuse, slap my ass and mock my appearance; having randomers lean out of car windows and bark at me; having total strangers feel compelled to offer dietary advice. As an older adult my weight balanced itself out (I think some of it was hormonal). But the bullying I received still means that I’ve an internal image of myself as a ‘fat girl’. It took years before I felt ok wearing colourful clothes, close-fitting clothes, a swimsuit. On a deeper level, I thought I had to accept whatever life and other people chose to throw at me. So, maybe not the worst thing, but a significant thing nevertheless.

I see what you're saying but I think the worst ''ism'' is ugly-ism.

Fat women are definitely looked down on more than fat men. I think it’s because of the misogynistic belief held by many that women are supposed to be ornamental. By being fat, one has failed in this all-important endeavour and is therefore worthy of and even inviting, abuse.

You would not believe some of the horrible things that were said to me, by strangers, when I was fat. The easy majority of them were men.

Depends on what you mean by successful OP If you mean monetary success or fame then neither me nor any of my friends are successful We are all mainly content though. And sizes 14 or 16 .

Just to be clear: the title is sarcastic! Clearly it is not the worst thing to be in life: but When you read the vitriol, scorn and judgement towards fat people online (particularly on MN) then you would think it is

I think generally personality is more important, there are a lot of overweight successful people.

It also makes me aware how powerful my weight can be - in an attack, I could use it to pack a punch. I think if you walk around like your weight is part of your power, it really alters how others treat you

Love this!^^
And your boys sound great.
Yes OP, I agree, on MN and in the media being a fat women is like giving people permission to insult you.
Thread after thread of prim comments about how they "couldn't possibly" eat more than 1200 calories a day, and how they "just don't understand" why people eat on the sofa in the evenings, and that cocking quote about how nothing tastes as good as skinny feels. I actually think a lot of food tastes better than being thin tbh (I have been a size 8 and a size 16)..
If people really struggle with their weight they are not stupid, they KNOW it's healthier to be thinner, they KNOW what is fattening and what isn't. Tasty food is very very addictive and lots of things make people overeat, it's quite a complex issue, but on here people smug-mouth "eat less, move more" like they have imparted great wisdom.
You might be fat OP, but you're probably not a cunt like they are, so take heart, eh?

i don’t think anyone should be judging fat people. or any people, for that matter, but fat is a feminist issue and all that.

i am fat. i haven’t always been fat. i used to be a happy size 12, went running every morning, lived the dream. then i had a complete breakdown and spent 6 weeks on a psychiatric ward. thanks to medication, i emerged 3 stone heavier. since then, my thyroid has broken and i have arthritis and live with chronic pain. i take 19 medications to manage my various conditions and i am HUGE and i loathe myself.

my thyroid consultant has referred me for bariatric surgery and i cannot wait. my metabolism is utterly borked. to lose any weight at all i have to go down to 600 calories a day on diet shakes and they make me angry, hungry and unwell.

so. lockdown has been difficult and i am not very mobile. i am at the point where i genuinely prefer not to leave the house as i can’t bear the thought of anyone seeing me.

i am definitely treated differently as a fatty. i know it’s not my clothes that make me look fat, it’s my fat that makes me look fat. i know it’s unhealthy, i know all the things. but i am stuck until the NHS starts routine surgery again.

so when you look at me and think christ, look at the size of that, know that i know exactly what you mean. think yourself lucky your life is easier than mine. and treat yourself to a cake, or something.

It's much worse to be boring. If you're overweight but have a fantastic personality then you can have a great life. If you're socially inept life is incredibly hard: difficult to find a partner, hard to impress at job interviews, a struggle to make friends.

There's no boring positive groups unlike body positive groups. There's not really much support for the socially challenged. You don't get TV shows or countless books or boot camps.

Same with being unattractive. There's a social stigma around not being good looking that pervades all areas previously mentioned. And no support either.

Women with big noses, thin lips or sticky out ears are not verbally abused in the street like fat women are not sure about sticky out ears but people with severe acne and big noses are discriminated against and called names. Maybe not in the street but in many environments. And not given the support that overweight people are.

People treat fat people like shit on their shoe. I get what you mean OP.

I think it's far worse to be obsessed with social media and what people who we don't even know think about us.

I'm in my 60s always been overweight, but have a very happy and fulfilled life, am perfectly content with my career, never felt I "lost out" to promotion prospects because of my weight, have a huge circle of friends, interests, hobbies etc - my self esteem is very good, if there are too many threads on Mumsnet making unkind comments about weight don't read them.

I think one of of the worse things in life is to have low self esteem and not to value yourself.

Com exactly who is treating you badly? I've never been treated badly because I am overweight.

“and that cocking quote about how nothing tastes as good as skinny feels“

I can confirm that to be true. Nothing does.

I don’t agree the worse thing in life would be to have no friends.

Being a bit fat makes me feel more motherly - cuddlier arms, nice soft lap to sit on. I sometimes even think it makes me look wiser and more authoritative. I wonder if I could pull off the hands on (ample) hips ‘I’m waiting’ pose as effectively if I was petite. I also think larger professional women can have more gravitas, depending on how they carry it.