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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that the worst thing you could be in life is fat.

305 replies

Dylaninthemovies1 · 28/07/2020 16:33

It just seems that no matter how successful a woman is in life, none of it matters, if she isnt slim (and preferably pretty too)

And, Online forums seem to be full of fat haters who are very smug and judgemental

OP posts:
pictish · 28/07/2020 17:08

I agree with sofa. Like her I used to be (very) fat but am now a healthy weight and a size 10. Life is much better being slim. I am more attractive, I have more energy and greater agility, I live a much healthier lifestyle being really active and my self-esteem has exponentially improved.
The other change is that people are more positive towards me. Sad but true. Men are notably more helpful, cheerful, conversational and pleasant than I’ve ever actually known. I’m 44 and get more male attention now than I ever did as a young but fat woman.
It doesn’t matter...I’m married and happily so...but the difference is palpable.

Of course being fat isn’t the worst thing you can be...not by a long chalk...but I wouldn’t personally recommend it.

Servalan · 28/07/2020 17:09

I am fat. It's not great. I looked better in the days that I was slim, my feet hurt most of the time now and I feel very unhealthy. I definitely need to get in shape. Were I with my ex husband still, I probably would feel as though it was the worst thing in the world (apparently he likes to slag off how I look to DD these days, and was horrible to me when I was slimmer than this).

However, I am with someone that loves me and fancies me no matter how I look, I am training to do the career of my dreams, I have good friends - and there have been times in my life that I've been properly slim but far less happy.

So no, it's not ideal, but far from being the worst thing in the world.

JorisBonson · 28/07/2020 17:09

@Emeraldshamrock

Everyone on Mumsnet is a neat size 8 and cannot eat anything for 3 days after a big breakfast. Don't you know that OP? I doubt it. It is this kind of comment that causes chaos on weight threads.
I doubt it also, hence the sarcastic comment.
Servalan · 28/07/2020 17:12

One thing I notice being fat is that people seem to find me much more approachable when I'm carrying the extra weight (not that folk find me unapproachable slim!) - I don't know if it's because I'm cuddly with big boobs and look all maternal - but it is a noticeable difference!

Esthermoo01 · 28/07/2020 17:12

Sounds like you have self esteem issues. Thinking that you will be happier/ more successful when you are slimmer is basically how the diet, gym, makeup, hair industries etc are marketed to women by telling them they shouldn't be satisfied with they way they look. I would recommend reading a book called Happy Fat by Sofie Haagen or seeking some therapy. Of course you can be fat and beautiful, fat and successful, fat and kind, fat and wonderful, fat and a lovely person. X

JorisBonson · 28/07/2020 17:13

@pictish

I agree with sofa. Like her I used to be (very) fat but am now a healthy weight and a size 10. Life is much better being slim. I am more attractive, I have more energy and greater agility, I live a much healthier lifestyle being really active and my self-esteem has exponentially improved. The other change is that people are more positive towards me. Sad but true. Men are notably more helpful, cheerful, conversational and pleasant than I’ve ever actually known. I’m 44 and get more male attention now than I ever did as a young but fat woman. It doesn’t matter...I’m married and happily so...but the difference is palpable.

Of course being fat isn’t the worst thing you can be...not by a long chalk...but I wouldn’t personally recommend it.

I've had more attention from men at a size 16 than I ever did at any other size 🤷🏻‍♀️
fallfallfall · 28/07/2020 17:14

OP you must be quite young because at the ripe age of 62 I can assure you that there is far far far worse in life than being fat.
I’ve met plenty of fat people who are excellent at what they do, and are as successful as they wish.
Overeating is complex but maybe what’s holding you back from a healthy weight is exactly what’s holding you back at work?

Andthewinnerislucky · 28/07/2020 17:14

@pictish

I agree with sofa. Like her I used to be (very) fat but am now a healthy weight and a size 10. Life is much better being slim. I am more attractive, I have more energy and greater agility, I live a much healthier lifestyle being really active and my self-esteem has exponentially improved. The other change is that people are more positive towards me. Sad but true. Men are notably more helpful, cheerful, conversational and pleasant than I’ve ever actually known. I’m 44 and get more male attention now than I ever did as a young but fat woman. It doesn’t matter...I’m married and happily so...but the difference is palpable.

Of course being fat isn’t the worst thing you can be...not by a long chalk...but I wouldn’t personally recommend it.

Oh dear...
VettiyaIruken · 28/07/2020 17:16

More true than a lot of people realise.
I'm fat and yes, people can be rude as hell. Also assume I'm thick. Patronise me. It's certainly impacted my career in the past.
Fat women get it worse than fat men because at least men are valued for their abilities whereas it seems the most vital thing for a woman is how she looks.

This is my view based on my personal experiences of being fat.

pictish · 28/07/2020 17:19

One thing I hated about being fat was the clothes...or rather the lack of them.
Never underestimate the freedom of choice that you have as a standard size in clothes. When you are fat the choices are limited to those few manufacturers that make dowdy synthetic clothes for plus size women (hate that term by the way, there shouldn’t even be a distinction), the majority of which are dreadful.
Why can’t they just make nice clothes in bigger sizes?

Andthewinnerislucky · 28/07/2020 17:20

@Esthermoo01

Sounds like you have self esteem issues. Thinking that you will be happier/ more successful when you are slimmer is basically how the diet, gym, makeup, hair industries etc are marketed to women by telling them they shouldn't be satisfied with they way they look. I would recommend reading a book called Happy Fat by Sofie Haagen or seeking some therapy. Of course you can be fat and beautiful, fat and successful, fat and kind, fat and wonderful, fat and a lovely person. X
Agreed. Fat and "attractive". For those who need it.

For the record, I'm actually average (not slim or fat so have no stake in either camp) but "fat" topics do my head in. People have been sold a pup and it's sad to see.

SecretWitch · 28/07/2020 17:21

@shemadeit, I think when you are disabled people feel like they have the right to stare and ask intrusive questions..almost as if your body belongs to the public?

I love to swim but the thought of being an “attraction” makes me feel sick.

Original poster
Dylaninthemovies1 · 28/07/2020 17:23

I’m thinking about how society perceives you! As a fat woman, it’s as though you are something to be ashamed of. I see it a lot more online than in real life though!

OP posts:
SeriouslyRetro · 28/07/2020 17:23

I know where you’re coming from op. I know I have issues with my weight, and I know it manifests in so many aspects of my life. I’ve been single for a significant amount of time, and amongst a myriad of reasons for it, one of them is that I don’t “want” to be attractive to a man as a fat person. I understand that’s my issue.

pictish · 28/07/2020 17:24

Joris perhaps my face and body shape just suit being slimmer. I didn’t carry the extra weight well at all.
I’ve known many larger women who looked much better on it than I did.

Original poster
Dylaninthemovies1 · 28/07/2020 17:26

My SIL is the same size as me (16-18) and won’t swim because she won’t be seen in a swimsuit. I’m an avid swimmer, and when I’m in the water I couldn’t give a flying duck about my size. But, after reading any forum on MN about weight I do wonder if there are lots of people secretly judging me, trussed up like I’m off to the plus sized Olympic s

OP posts:
SerenDippitty · 28/07/2020 17:26

I'd be a lot less bothered about my weight if I didn't read Mumsnet!

ekidmxcl · 28/07/2020 17:27

The worst thing for a person to be is someone that hurts and upsets other people.

CopperBeeches · 28/07/2020 17:29

Don't be ridiculous. How on earth would you cope if you were autistic, (my DS is and his life is hell!!), or had a serious skin condition, or mental illness, or were desperately poor, or paralysed in an accident at 27 as my friend was.

Being fat is fine. I have been all my life. I had kids, a partner, a job, a home, friends. And if I really wanted to I could probably get thinner.

JorisBonson · 28/07/2020 17:30

@pictish

Joris perhaps my face and body shape just suit being slimmer. I didn’t carry the extra weight well at all. I’ve known many larger women who looked much better on it than I did.
Fair!
Gwenhwyfar · 28/07/2020 17:31

I think what OP's trying to say is that people on MN are negative about being overweight and obese. I've noticed a lot of extreme reactions to just very honest comments recently. A woman put up a photo of herself and asked if she looked fat. When people gave an honest answer - because she had ASKED! - she got very angry and some other posters said the honest people were being 'bitchy' or 'piling on her'. Obviously, if there's a thread about weight, people will be more honest than they would to someone's face.
I am very sympathetic to people who struggle with their weight. I haven't always been the weight I want to be either, but I'm not going to pretend to be pro-fat to please someone else.

zafferana · 28/07/2020 17:31

At least if you're fat you can do something about it - there are plenty of terrible circumstances that people can find themselves in that they can do fuck all about and I know which I'd prefer!

ShouldWeChangeTheBulb · 28/07/2020 17:32

It’s because it’s anonymous so people can say what they really think.
In real life everyone pretends it doesn’t matter but thin people almost all think everyone who is fat is disgusting and lazy.

updownroundandround · 28/07/2020 17:33

Unfortunately, people ARE judged on their ''attractiveness'' which includes their weight Sad

www.cnbc.com/2017/11/03/study-finds-youre-less-likely-to-get-hired-if-youre-overweight.html

In an ideal world, it shouldn't happen, but we do not live in an ideal world, do we ?

bridgetreilly · 28/07/2020 17:33

YABU. I'm fat and it's fine.

It would be much worse to be lonely, bitter, constantly hungry, judgey, or bitchy.

And obviously it would be very much worse to actually have awful tragic things happening in life.