To think that the worst thing you could be in life is fat.

[Dylaninthemovies1]

It just seems that no matter how successful a woman is in life, none of it matters, if she isnt slim (and preferably pretty too)

And, Online forums seem to be full of fat haters who are very smug and judgemental

I get your point. Whilst for pretty much anything else, you would find immediate support, being fat is seen as a lazy choice and it does keep you back.

It's not going to get any better, the "love your curves" movement trying to accept obesity won't be accepted for much longer.

That said, what do you think about yourself? Are you happy, confident and you don't want to change? You'll be fine.

Are you miserable and forever wishing you were slimmer? Then you need to start taking some steps. Life is far too short to be miserable.

Oh op, please don't listen to MNetters on this! I mean, not the extreme views at least. There are some absolutely wild characters on here, who I truly believe are weird little goblin creatures, fuelled purely by hate and venom. They really enjoy getting into a froth about fat people or people who don't breast feed, or people who don't do their daily steps, or people whose kids are too noisy, people whose kids aren't noisy enough, people who are too confrontational, people who aren't confrontational enough, women who have brilliant careers and put their dcs in nursery, women who put their careers on hold and stay at home. Honestly, most people on here are not like this. Most people understand that people generally don't choose to be overweight. If it was as easy as all that, everyone would choose to look like Jessica Alba wouldn't they? But life is more complicated than that.

Food issues bring out the slightly unhinged in all of us, so those who are prone to The Hate and Venom on here go into overdrive, and spew hate like spite robots on the highest setting!

Don't listen.

Try to be healthy, obviously, but if it takes a long time to lose weight etc, you can still make positive changes for your health while you're trying to lose it.

I am in the same boat btw. I have gone from slim to really quite fat in just two years! It doesn't help if you listen to the fat shame. It really, really doesn't .

No worse thing? Bullshit. Most of us could think of 20 things worse than being fat. Being ill? Cancer? Lifelong medical condition? Cheated on? Not loving parents? No money? Etc etc.

I'd rather be overweight with the choice to change than be the under 5 foot I am.

Nonetheless, just own who you are and get on with life.

The COO where I work (large employer) is a larger build. She is respected, ambitious and effective. We all have different builds and I think there is a lot to be said about finding peace with and learning to like yourself. I don’t find it easy but it’s like exercise - something you have to practice regularly. I also think attractiveness is partly determined by personality. Nice, generous, warm and positive people come across as more attractive than people with more negative traits.

The problem is, fat people seem to be some of the worst fat-shamers of all - so many threads started by overweight or obese people on the premise that they are not fat because they fit into size 10 clothes, whereas fat people would bulge out of them and look disgusting; or that they can’t accept their bmi makes them overweight or obese, because they don’t look unattractive. Why start such threads trying to other yourself from other fat people? Why buy into the idea yourself that being fat is repugnant?

This thread is just going to keep repeating, posters read the thread title and comment then someone will explain that is in context, then the page will turn and it will start again. Personally when I am overweight the most abusive person to comment on my weight is myself. It’s me the starts to exclude myself, that dresses to camouflage and questions my worth.

I have felt the same until I realised I don’t actually care what other people think. Unlike most who say they don’t when they do, I genuinely do not give a fig what someone else thinks of me based on limited data. If they decide they still don’t like me after actually having a conversation then fair enough, but most people do.

My DH is lovely, his family are lovely. But they are also very fat phobic and DH and to varying degrees his sisters have all had issues with eating disorders (as a result of this IMO). I’m working very hard to make sure that DCs don’t grow up thinking that being fat is the worst thing you can be. I’d rather be fat and lovely than skinny and a twat. (Am not overweight FWIW)

@pictish

“and that cocking quote about how nothing tastes as good as skinny feels“

I can confirm that to be true. Nothing does.

You have to be on a wind up.

And have never had a Krispy Kreme.

Thinking over women who have been mentors or personally inspirational in my professional life ( ie I knew them and worked with them) they came in all shapes and sizes.

I did come across it when I worked for a mercifully short period of time in fashion journalism but that was a whole bunch of unrealistic strangeness anyway.

@SeriouslyRetro

I know where you’re coming from op. I know I have issues with my weight, and I know it manifests in so many aspects of my life. I’ve been single for a significant amount of time, and amongst a myriad of reasons for it, one of them is that I don’t “want” to be attractive to a man as a fat person. I understand that’s my issue.

That is totally me - single parent for 12 years now - I just find myself so repulsive I couldn’t imagine anyone else finding me attractive. So easier not to try.

I hate how my weight affects me, but hate myself even more for my inability to not be fat!

Krispy Kremes are totally overrated. They’re horrible foamy affairs full of nasty synthetic goo. I love a doughnut but you can keep a Krispy Kreme.

And I’m not on the wind up at all. I prefer being trim to eating crap.
After a lifetime of fatness and greed, I learned to eat in a completely different and healthier way. I never go hungry, love my food and take pride in eating a thoroughly healthy diet. I distance run, bag Munros, mountain bike and generally have a great time being agile and fit.
Krispy Kremes are no temptation to me.

But being fat IS a bad thing in so many ways, it has become ridiculous that its not allowed to be mentioned

I think I get what you mean op, it’s not comparing worse things that can happen to you, eg have a terminal illness, victim of abuse etc it’s the way society views overweight people. Like others have said there’s a lot of support for other things that can affect your health, addiction, smoking etc but being overweight is seen as something you should just be able to sort if only you weren’t so greedy and lazy. I have long said that the obesity Crisis won’t be sorted until there is a 360 attack on the underlying causes, mental health, cost of healthy/unhealthy food, disassociation of food with reward, food seem as fuel, proper education on body fuel needs and how much it varies on body types/exercise, stopping vanity sizing, availability of healthy snacks/food in all settings (eg every eatery should have to offer at least one meat free meal under 500 cals), banning irresponsible reporting on the latest food/diet fad, easy access to free nutritional advice on the NHS, limiting working hours to give more time for exercise/cooking, better cycle lanes that don’t suddenly end mid A road. Reduction of speed limits to make walking/cycling safer, cutting down on bakery/cooking shows unless they include at least one healthy recipe each show. Additionally I think there needs to be a lot less commuting time, breaks in office jobs for exercise, more standing desks available.

I also think there’s a lot to learn from anti smoking movements, eg although fat shaming shouldn’t occur, loading plates up at all you can eat buffets (by people of any size) should be seen as unsavoury, meeting friends for a walk/exercise should be seen as just as acceptable as going to the pub, work socials should noT be defaulted to the pub/food.

Research should be undertaken and verified into the effect of chemicals/hormones into weight gain, the effects of lack of sleep and stress also needs to be considered and appropriate advice/treatment available.

It would be lovely to see free yoga classes available both outside and within work places every morning. It’s a great strength and flexibility builder esp for people who historically haven’t exercised and also an amazing distressed so wild help with productivity.

This is what my mum thinks. Basically, fat people (especially women) are lazy and stupid and how could they have let themselves get like that. Being fat is the worst failure you can have and the ultimate shame. If I ever put on any weight, her snidey comments and nastiness would ramp up so that she was always trying to remind me in any underhand way she could that I was a disgrace. If I was slim, it was gushing compliments - but they made me uncomfortable as it was just praise for being what she saw as "correct".

I say "was" because I stood up to her about her nastiness about this and other things, and now hardly ever see her. She's a miserable, judgemental cow who has lost any kind of good relationship with her 3 DDs. Buy hey, she's not fat though!

It's a miracle I didn't develop an eating disorder. In fact I think I reacted against her views and always try not to judge people by their weight at all. I'm menopausally overweight myself at the moment, and just trying to lose a stone or two is a nightmare and seems almost impossible. There are loads of reasons why people are overweight and it can be incredibly hard to change it.

It is healthier to avoid being obese, if you can. But that doesn't mean a person's value is dependent on their weight.

Despite my mum's attitude, I have been really shocked when I've read or heard about people being abused and insulted in the street for being overweight. That must be so awful. But actually I think there are also a fair proportion of people who are not like that, and as PPs have said, there are many worse situations.

I'm a lot older than the average Mumsnetter and there seems to be this feeling that being judged for being fat is a recent thing, driven by social media.

Believe me, this isn't the case. Fat women have always been shunned. The diet industry was alive and kicking in the 1960s and 70s - remember Nimble bread, Outline margarine, Slender shakes, Ayds toffees (!!), Tab cola?

Fat is a Feminist Issue (great read, I do recommend it) was first published in 1978.

So fat has been unpopular for a very long time. What's different now is that so many more of us are fat.

@JoysOfString, that's horrible.

There is definitely a dogma involved with some people's views on weight I think. But those people are very unusual and some of them probably aren't very well tbh.

It's like, as long as I'm thin, I win, sort of attitude? Even if they alienate everyone else around them, the need to be thin trumps all.

I remember a member of my extended family was literally in her death bed and she still had her wee signs up on her fridge saying "little pickers wear big knickers". She was dying of cancer and I had never seen a slimmer person. It was somehow just really sad to me. She was a lovely woman though and I'm sure wouldn't have been nasty about fat people. Or maybe she would have. I gained weight after she died, so I don't know!

Anyway, tbh, I need to spend a lot less time on these sorts of people that hate fat people so enthusiastically and a bit more time on sorting my health out. It is emotionally exhausting having to defend yourself for your body. That energy could be better spent elsewhere.

People who hate fat people don't care about that though. They don't really care if I get healthier. All they want is their win. Cunts.

@pictish

Krispy Kremes are totally overrated. They’re horrible foamy affairs full of nasty synthetic goo. I love a doughnut but you can keep a Krispy Kreme.

And I’m not on the wind up at all. I prefer being trim to eating crap.
After a lifetime of fatness and greed, I learned to eat in a completely different and healthier way. I never go hungry, love my food and take pride in eating a thoroughly healthy diet. I distance run, bag Munros, mountain bike and generally have a great time being agile and fit.
Krispy Kremes are no temptation to me.

But saying "nothing tastes as good as skinny feels" suggests you'd rather starve yourself in order to keep a body shape which you have perceived to be ideal.

It's a dangerous statement.

I definitely believe that 'nothing tastes aa good as skinny feels', even though I've never been skinny. I know full well that I would actually prefer to be slim than to eat that slice of cake. If I could wave a magic wand to make me eat no chocolate or cake etc for the rest of my life but instantly and forever be a size 8/10, I'd do it like a shot
but having the willpower to resist every day is too hard.

I don't feel like that at all OP. I am morbidly obese but my DP is fine with that (he's not slim himself) and I have a very successful job. I don't feel discriminated against at all. I think it's partly to do with attitude - just own it!

I am not too sure, I am slim 'ish shy introvert, my sil is quite over weight and outgoing, she certainly get more like than I do!

@BlueJava

I don't feel like that at all OP. I am morbidly obese but my DP is fine with that (he's not slim himself) and I have a very successful job. I don't feel discriminated against at all. I think it's partly to do with attitude - just own it!

I agree with the owning it! Unfortunately it seems like on MN, and many other places on the internet, if you're not a size 8 with the appetite of a sparrow then you're not worth anything.

I am doing OLD.

I have had a couple of introductory messages saying "hi PP you are lovely and slim" and some guys in their blurb about their ideal date specify "slim" so for some blokes it is definitely a thing.

It's crap. I haven't always been slim but I am still the same lovely kind person either way.