Aghhh MIL

[misstiggiwinkle]

My hugely overbearing, manipulative and down right rude expat MIL has just announced that she will be arriving at our house on Thursday morning (at 5.30am) straight off a flight from Hong Kong (where she lives) as they are going into a new lockdown on Wednesday due to rising corona cases.

I'm 28 weeks pregnant with dc3, my husband is also on the vulnerable list. We have been extremely careful for the last 4 months and other than my 5yr old going to school with very draconian social distancing (squares in the playground, classes of 7 etc) and now the bloody woman wants to cross the world on a long haul flight, travel to us on public transport and pitch up for 'breakfast'. AIBU to say no?! And if IANBU then how to I stop her turning up regardless as she's that sort?

Her plans are then to 'hop on a train' to Edinburgh next week to go and stay with her 83yr old mother and visit her daughter along the way (who by the way is a hospital DR). I just feel like it's so painfully selfish and just because she fancies a holiday.

Good for you!!

Massive well done OP. So good to see someone on here stick up for themselves against pushy relatives.

Fucking hell Well done to your au pair too, for having the good sense to fetch you and not let her in! Did you pre warn her?

Well done to AP and you!

Hope your stress levels are recovered

Wow

Huge well done for standing your ground and not letting her in. I bet when DH goes to meet her in the park she’ll just hug him anyway, then he’ll be stuck as to whether to tell you he’s been compromised or not.

Well done again aand well done to your au pair!

MIL is only leaving to avoid lock down!

Brilliant, OP. So glad you won this one, because if you hadn't you were doomed forever afterwards with this appalling woman always getting her own way. Can you completely trust DH if he is now interacting with her?

What does it ever matter if someone is "upset" for a few hours, compared with bringing a deadly virus with them and potentially infecting people everywhere they go? Tell her to F... off wherever, but not to visit her own vulnerable mother. Seriously, use the F word - she is so rude herself that it is likely the only language she will understand to do with boundaries. Well done!

Its shocking that she was trying to enter the house and put you all at risk!

Your DH wavering on this and putting himself, his family and his employee at risk is ludicrous. Your poor AP shouldn’t have her health decisions managed by a man who struggles to stand up to his mother, and needs a say: good on you for keeping everyone safe.

A day for lots of lovely treats with the kids while your DH works out whether he wants to answer the inevitable phone calls I think!

@misstiggiwinkle

Brilliant update - well done for staying strong, must have been so hard! High five (or elbow bump due to CV lol)
She knew full well you couldn't put her up but decided to come anyway no doubt hoping you'd be worn down or give in.
You're doing the right thing protecting your family, it's horrible times but have to be done.
Just keep staying strong in case she stays lurking in the bushes or tries a sob story on your neighbours to get them onside lol

Well done OP.

It must be so hard being married to a man so weak that he would risk the health of his pregnant wife and family.

I honestly can't understand how marriages carry on in the face of such weakness.

Loyalty to me and our children is an absolutely non-negotiable deal breaker in my marriage.

Mind yourself OP.

His mother sounds truly dreadful.

To deliberately upset your little children.

Unforgivable.

Your husband is absolutely to blame here.

Well done

Wow @misstiggiwinkle GO YOU Tiger Mum!! 🐅

I'm sorry you are going through so much (unnecessary) upset but so glad (a) you have a sensible au pair and (b) let loose verbally with both barrels so there's absolutely no ignorance of your thoughts on this matter.

All that's needed now is for your husband to GROW UP and support you and his children from his awful parents - especially his crazy, self-absorbed mother. Maybe he needs to see a professional counsellor to help him come out of the FOG because this will not be the last time she tries to interfere in your lives. Phew! 🌹

Well done OP. Make sure your DH knows how much his mother has upset his wife and he can tell FIL that when he gets the inevitable phone call.

Your MIL is one very selfish woman.

Sounds as if AP deserves a bonus!

Good for you, OP.

As a fellow expat in Asia, I'm embarrassed on her behalf. I can only think that the situation we've been living with over here for so long has sent her a bit barmy, but that doesn't even begin to excuse her stupidity. I would like to believe at the very least that she showed up with a face mask on but the fact she hid behind a tree from you suggests perhaps not. Let your DH deal with her from now on. Good grief!

Have been following this thread and am SO impressed with your handling of her, OP. Brilliant job. You did the right thing.

I hope you can now get some peace and quiet...😷

Amazingly (and appropriately) handled.

I have similar PIL (NC for a few years now) and nothing short of this level of standing up to them will do. Of course you'll be the bad guy forever in their minds but who cares? You've done what you needed to to keep your family safe. Never compromise on safety.

I do feel for your DH (not as much as for you) as mine was in a similar state. It's taken years, several calm discussions, a few absolute tantrums, and a lot of wine to get him to the point where he even sees their unreasonableness. People thinking your DH is the problem... well yes, but depending on his childhood he'll be conditioned to think his parents are 'normal' and he will love them no matter what.

My husband couldn't hear his father swearing and cursing him and how useless he was - even as we had builders have to leave for the day because they couldn't listen to it any longer. I was shaking with rage in another room. Worst thing? Afterwards my DH didn't remember the nastiness, only that he and his father had shared a task together. He couldn't see the abuse.

Blaming the OP's DH for this mess is victim-blaming. Yes he needs to do something, but it starts at the point where he breaks his heart trying to understand a world where his parents are abusive and wrong.

Christ on a bike you're amazing OP! I'm in AWE!

Whoop whoop OP! 💪🏻

Stand your ground. You must protect your children.
She sounds like a moron and so does your FIL.

Wow!!

Bloody hell! Well done!

“MIL had scarpered down the drive and was hiding behind a tree”

I can’t help sniggering slightly at this image

Sounds like you went nuclear, and rightly so. Bloody well done OP! Hope DC aren’t too upset now, and DH stays strong. It’s a little early, but have a , one for the Au Pair too 😆

I am in AWE of you, OP! Well done!!!!