Aghhh MIL

[misstiggiwinkle]

My hugely overbearing, manipulative and down right rude expat MIL has just announced that she will be arriving at our house on Thursday morning (at 5.30am) straight off a flight from Hong Kong (where she lives) as they are going into a new lockdown on Wednesday due to rising corona cases.

I'm 28 weeks pregnant with dc3, my husband is also on the vulnerable list. We have been extremely careful for the last 4 months and other than my 5yr old going to school with very draconian social distancing (squares in the playground, classes of 7 etc) and now the bloody woman wants to cross the world on a long haul flight, travel to us on public transport and pitch up for 'breakfast'. AIBU to say no?! And if IANBU then how to I stop her turning up regardless as she's that sort?

Her plans are then to 'hop on a train' to Edinburgh next week to go and stay with her 83yr old mother and visit her daughter along the way (who by the way is a hospital DR). I just feel like it's so painfully selfish and just because she fancies a holiday.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEEEEEASE don't give in OP.

*PLEASE!

This. Will. Not. Change* until one of you stands up to her! Preferably DH. He needs to start putting his wife & kids before his mother

Ps, get your DH to google “the FOG” he is deeply entrenched in it and needs to shape up pronto to protect himself, you and your DC

What a nightmare for you.

I would tell your DH you are locking the door. It's his choice which side he's on. If he's on the outside then he needs to find a place to stay also for the next 14 days.

When she arrives I would shout out of the window that you told her she couldn't come and stay and she needs to find an alternative solution. Then shut the window and don't engage any further. I presume she won't break the door down (and that she doesn't have a key).

Yes, it will cause WW3 but seriously, how dare she? Her unborn grandchild should be enough of a reason not to come, let alone your vulnerable family. I hope you find a way forward that doesn't involve her coming in.

If your DH insists on taking her for coffee (understanding he will also need to pack a bag for 14 days), make sure any luggage is left in his car or garage/shed. Do not allow it in the house.

Have you spoken to your SIL about this? I can't imagine she is happy either

Read today that pregnant women and unborn baby are much more vulnerable to covid than first thought. So she she needs to book somewhere to stay, not at yours. She can meet you in a park or your garden. And then bugger the hell away from you!

It was people flying out from China all over the world that spread the sodding virus all over the world. Your MIL's behaviour and attitude is shameful, utterly selfish and immoral. What if she goes down with it while she's in the UK?

Do stick to your guns, she absolutely cannot come into your house. If she gets into your DH's car it will have to be disinfected and he will have to quarantine after being so close to her. Stupid, stupid woman. I feel for you.

So did she get her way? She sounds awful.

This person isn’t your problem, your shit choice of a husband can fuck off with his parent and also parent his current offspring and accommodate isolating them from his pregnant wife if he’s incapable of keeping you all safe, your choices are whether or not you find your mummy’s boy husband palatable enough to want to stay with him, producing child after child in this hellscape

There is only one way to deal with people like her - be equally rude, assertive, bolshy, confrontational etc. I doubt she will take even a big hint, or care if she hurts your feelings, imposes on you or PUTS YOU AT RISK. Tell her quite clearly it is NOT happening and going to stay with elderly relatives, travelling etc is irresponsible, selfish...when this fails to have any impact (I suspect she is a thick-skinned selfish cow) resort to telling her to fuck off, she is not welcome, you will now allow her to put your family at risk etc....then hang up, text her to let her know if she still pitches up you will not even open the door for her to have tea or wee etc - GO AWAY sign on the door etc.. Do not be passive here. You might feel bad, rude, uncomfortable with having to stand up to her...but you would feel a lot worse if she hospitalises or kills your family. And lastly, ensure your husband tells her - make sure he will not backtrack, go behind your back, meet up with her etc - he needs to stand by you and keep your family safe. You haven't spent all these months trying to protect yourselves to then allow the selfish actions of one person put you all at risk, and a pretty big risk at that.

I've been shielded and only had contact with 2 other people for months. We have had to say no to visits, been unable to attend my beloved aunt's funeral etc but it is not worth the risk. Good luck, and stay safe.

No.also.Edinburgh closed.

This woman is a nightmare. People like her are why it got so bad in Italy - people drove to other parts of the country because lockdown was coming. Don’t let her in and tell your DH to grow a bloody backbone!

You both know that if he meets her for coffee she will a) ignore social distancing so infect your entire family if she has it, b) end up getting into and staying in your house anyway and c) learn that not even a pandemic is enough to get her son to stand up to her, meaning there’s no chance of you asserting boundaries for the rest of your lives.

I also just picked up on Fil being left in hk. So she doesn’t want to deal woth a stricter lockdown but is happy for him to?

Obviously I’m making assumptions that they live together. Also that he isn’t on the plane with her.

Ah I imagine this must be awful...I’m following to see how it went but hopefully you stick firmly to your decisions. I’m guessing she’ll be there by now if not, but good luck either way x

Good luck OP. She’ll have landed by now. Wondering if she popped up at yours, wrangled her suitcase into your house ...,,

Too late to the party but wanted to say that my own mother was the same way. I emigrated here. Went back to home country and due to a fall out between my mother and my BIL, we were splitting our holiday one week with her to see us and my DC, then one week at a beach house renting together with my Sister and BIL. Explained it to her do that she understood the second week to stay away.

She said the beach is a public place, I can’t stop her walking the beach to find us. Not only did she do that but also followed us back to our beach house! Said she was coming the next day too - and invited others to our beach house. We said no, we have plans to go out. And we went out. She showed up - with guests - and we were not there, house locked up. Really worked a charm as had no longer just shows up.

We were there before lock down. Her other trait was being hours late and expecting people to wait for her. We agreed a visit. Told her x time or we were going out - I nearly choked on my coffee when she actually showed up in time for breakfast with the kids.

Really hoping your doors are locked and you have determination in spades this morning...

Has she turned up OP? Really hoping for your sake that she got the message and has checked into a hotel

@BrightYellowDaffodil

1) A camera doorbell. 2) Strong door bolts. 3) Landmines.

👌

Sorry for the mia....she arrived. 14 hr flight, major airports, then public transport of bus and tube into central London to get to us.

My au pair opened the front door at 7.15am (to go out for a run) and found her standing on the doorstep. She tried to hoodwink the poor girl into thinking that she could just come in. Fortunately my AP had more sense and said I don't know you so I'll just get misstiggi.

I went apoplectic. Poor children then knew that granny was outside but that they weren't allowed to see her (they are 5 & 3) so many tears, lots of shouting. Well she is now in no disillusion as to what I think of her and her selfish behaviour and that I will not even entertain the idea of her coming to my house again until there is a vaccine. Frustratingly most of the shouting was directed at my DH for allowing this to happen in the first place and MIL had scarpered to the end of the drive and was hiding behind a tree but she definitely heard what I thought of her.

DH has now sent her to the local park and is going to order her a taxi to take her to the station. No one is seeing her.

I'll update with any further developments

Fucking hell. So she deliberately upsets the DCs too. I don't blame you for going nuclear on her

OP YOU ROCK

ÜBERWOMAN!!!

Of all the fucks that are holy, this is the holiest fucking fuck.

Good job on protecting you all. Hope she fucks off sharpish

Good on you, she sounds like a loon.

Proud of you OP! I’ve been waiting for your update. You go SuperMama! He he. Such a shame it had to come to that though. Your poor kids upset too. Awful MIL.

Well done OP for finding that inner tiger! Fingers crossed she doesn’t try to manipulate your DH further.

Make sure you get a moment to quietly talk with your DH about how glad you are he saw sense and that it means a lot to you that he’s got your back. It doesn’t need to sound patronising, he is just going to need a bit of hand holding if this is the first time he’s properly stood up to her as he will no doubt start to wobble when the flying monkeys (ie FIL) start giving him abuse.

Well done for standing up for yr family. Brilliant result.