To be fed up with DH's friend "helping" us

[anxietyaunt]

We're doing some work on our house. We need some wiring done and as it happens one of DH's friends is a sparky. So he's agreed to do it in exchange for my husband (also a tradie) doing some work on one of his jobs. So it's an even tradeoff.

When he first came after after the agreement he told me how much it would cost for the "free" work he's doing on our place. I said we were very grateful and asked if it was part of the reciprocal agreement he had with my DH to which he replied it is. Thought that was the end of it.

However, every time I see this guy he's carrying on about how much he would have charged for the work he did. I cut him off last time and told him we'd just pay him for it then. So he says: "No, it's fine. DH will do some work for me."

But, it's never the end. I don't know what he wants exactly. Endless appreciation? I suggested we just pay him and that would be it. He stays for dinner (rather invites himself and I am left to scramble to fulfil his MASSIVE appetite). He's already had my husband for more hours of work than he spent here. The guy is doing my head in.

AIBU?

Next time just pay!

Is he just really pleased he was able to assist and has gotten a bit carried away?

You’re going to have to be more brazen.

“Haha well, you’ve cost us more than that in Pete’s hours and those massive dinners so that’s it now we’re even! I’ll stand you a cup of tea tops you cheeky sod!!!” Laugh it out, be really just as bolshy.

You’ll have to brazen it out. Get your husband to work out how much his work cost and tell him!

Just say to him it's not free though is it? My DH did the work for you in return. In fact the work he did was more hours than the work you are doing for us.

And if he invites himself for dinner just say sorry it isn't convenient tonight. Every time. He sounds like a CF.

Work men - who loves them?!

@HotDogKetchup

Is he just really pleased he was able to assist and has gotten a bit carried away?

I think that is probably it. I doubt he is up to scratch with social graces but it wouldn't hurt to take him aside and explain to him that the way he talks in the circumstances is not the thing to do and in fact he embarrasses himself as well as making you feel awkward..

Please don't talk about giving him dinner or you'll end up being as bad. That is just hospitality and should not be mentioned.

My idiotic ex had form for this, and it always ended badly. I usually got stuck in the middle and cringed with embarrassment. Also, my ex was the sort that always knew better than me, so he would never listen when I suggested it wasn't such a good idea. Not suggesting your DH is like my ex OP but maybe next time don't bother.

He’s definitely saying it like he thinks we owe him something. My husband is very obliging but I’m over it.

He’s also weird about parking. He’s parked me in several times and it’s a pain in both of our arses to get him to stop working and move his car while I wrangle my toddler out the door. So I asked if he could park on the street. The street is always empty so plenty of space. He parked his car on the street but half across the driveway so I had to carefully manoeuvre around him. I’d like to think it was an accident but I don’t think so...

Surely it's DH's problem. Can't you just avoid him?

@Bluemoooon

Surely it's DH's problem. Can't you just avoid him?

That’s why I keep going out! Unfortunately he’s coming for dinner tonight. Pre-arranged

Have you spoke to your hubby about this?

Yeah you need to keep an eye on the situation - and no more freebies

@Thehop’a reply is brilliant!

I think you need to ask him outright how many more hours (if any) your husband owes him, as you want to get to get things even for everyone.
Be forthright about it.
If you don't, he sounds like the type who will be claiming meals and your DH's time indefinitely, - because you are both letting him do it.

The parking would really annoy me - always bear in mind that some "friends" don't necessarily like or care much about you. They are just people that have come into your life and stayed there.

@Thehop

You’re going to have to be more brazen.

“Haha well, you’ve cost us more than that in Pete’s hours and those massive dinners so that’s it now we’re even! I’ll stand you a cup of tea tops you cheeky sod!!!” Laugh it out, be really just as bolshy.

Love this ^

What is your DH trade does the electrician think he is worth more than your DH per hour? I've been in a similar situation. I don't think it's uncommon for the trades person who suggests the swap to want more in return. Otherwise why not just give a price?

I prefer @Pinklynx answer - much better

How much more work does he have to do for you? He sounds pretty insufferable. I’d be telling him how much it’s costing you in extra food each time he’s there. Cheeky sod!

Does he say all this to/in front of your DH? Surely he's the one who should be telling him to give it a rest?

Yanbu. What has your husband got to say about it?

That’s why I keep going out! Unfortunately he’s coming for dinner tonight.

Beans on toast it is then - either that or your DH turn to cook...

or this:

“Haha well, you’ve cost us more than that in Pete’s hours and those massive dinners so that’s it now we’re even! I’ll stand you a cup of tea tops you cheeky sod!!!"

And do it with a deadpan face.

Yeah, I’m getting to the point where I’m going to end up being arsey. Hard not to. For the record, tonight’s dinner is last night’s leftovers!

I would just change the subject OP, if he starts bleating on.

Alas electricians are the highest paid 'trades' and it is common knowledge on any large construction site they will keep reminding you of this fact.

You could try and give him my glazed eye looks the next time he's prattling on and then yawn...it shuts them up and then shrug your shoulders.

Trust me I have perfected this "am I bothered, you are boring" technique over the years. It stops them dead in their tracks, and I don't have to even say a word.

I hate this. We hired dh's friend to the work on our house in the past. One day, I was home because of my work, and I was watching tv in living room and he didn't know I was there. The person came in(we gave the keys to the house because we both worked) at 11(meant to be 9) and left at 12(meant to be 3.) My dh confronted him, and he never returned, after spending a month on our house and we have paid £50 a day in advance, which we thought was a bargain price for a friend for 6 hours of professional work. Only thing left was all the material/paint that we bought asked by the friend to buy.

@pictish

Yanbu. What has your husband got to say about it?

He says it when my husband isn’t there. I told my husband it was aggravating me and like he thought we owed him. I probably didn’t make it clear exactly how aggravating it is. I have rejected a few last-minute dinner invitations saying we simply didn’t have enough food. Will see what happens tonight and if he brings it up again I’m going to be very blunt. And if my husband doesn’t get it then they will both be on notice.