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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fed up with DH's friend "helping" us

198 replies

anxietyaunt · 28/07/2020 06:21

We're doing some work on our house. We need some wiring done and as it happens one of DH's friends is a sparky. So he's agreed to do it in exchange for my husband (also a tradie) doing some work on one of his jobs. So it's an even tradeoff.

When he first came after after the agreement he told me how much it would cost for the "free" work he's doing on our place. I said we were very grateful and asked if it was part of the reciprocal agreement he had with my DH to which he replied it is. Thought that was the end of it.

However, every time I see this guy he's carrying on about how much he would have charged for the work he did. I cut him off last time and told him we'd just pay him for it then. So he says: "No, it's fine. DH will do some work for me."

But, it's never the end. I don't know what he wants exactly. Endless appreciation? I suggested we just pay him and that would be it. He stays for dinner (rather invites himself and I am left to scramble to fulfil his MASSIVE appetite). He's already had my husband for more hours of work than he spent here. The guy is doing my head in.

AIBU?

OP posts:
callmeadoctor · 28/07/2020 11:00

I agree, we have a heat detector in our kitchen (smoke alarms everywhere else, lots of them!)

crimsonlake · 28/07/2020 11:01

To be honest now you have finally revealed that your husband is a painter I can see where your electrician friend is coming from. Electricians do charge a lot compared to a decorator, having said that he either does it graciously and stops banging on about it or you decide to pay up to shut him up.

girlywhirly · 28/07/2020 11:02

When did he fit that detector? Did he have either of your agreement to do that? He was out of line to do anything without discussing it with householders first and getting their approval. He’s overstepping the mark now. I don’t know why DH agreed to his ‘friend’ doing the rewiring in bits and pieces. I got the impression that it was a couple of half days a week or something.

Start contacting other firms for quotations. I can’t see the job ever finishing otherwise, it’s going to cost more and more as he adds in more un-wanted jobs. What’s the betting he already has a reputation among other sparks.

forrestgreen · 28/07/2020 11:06

I'd develop a migraine... leave a meal for one in the fridge

justilou1 · 28/07/2020 11:08

I’m about to quote a mumsnet adage for the very first time. “THIS IS A DH PROBLEM.” Pour yourself a glass of wine, go have a bath and let the dickheads get themselves some fucking dinner. They’re BOTH taking the piss.

ContessaferJones · 28/07/2020 11:08

Is there any type of food he really dislikes but your DH likes? Make that, leave it in the fridge and go out.

Laserbird16 · 28/07/2020 11:13

It doesn't seem like DH is feeling the same imposition you do. They can fix themselves dinner, it's not your job to wait on them.

Timekeeper1 · 28/07/2020 11:15

Because they’re both working on the room together.

Yeah, um,.....so? Is your DH unable to work and cook his own dinner? They could probably order in pizza or something.

Original poster
anxietyaunt · 28/07/2020 11:19

@Bluntness100

What electrical work is he doing op? In my experience electricians cost way more than painters, two to three time’s the cost in fact, so your husband would have to spend that amount of time to make it equal, so he may indeed have a point that the work being requested and given in return is not comparable
He’s only moved and replaced a few switches. My DH has definitely spent more time than he has.
OP posts:
RandomMess · 28/07/2020 11:26

I would honestly bring it up as the first topic of conversation over the dinner table...

"So Bob when are you going to stop these comments to me when DH is around about us owing you for the work you have done because I've got to the point that you aren't welcome in my home anymore?"

He is being out of order and he knows it so pull him up on it...

rc22 · 28/07/2020 11:27

Next time you need an electrician, get recommendations from friends and neighbours and get them to do the job and pay them normally.

I do wonder if this bloke is a bit lonely if he wants to keep eating at yours. Is he single or does he have a partner or family that he could be going home to eat with?

Original poster
anxietyaunt · 28/07/2020 11:31

Can’t find who asked about him driving home after the wine... yes he did! I questioned whether it was a good idea and he seemed to think I was strange to ask.

There is definitely an alpha dog thing going on with my husband. He’s said a few odd things that have hinted at a power play with him too. Can’t think of one off the top of my head because I tend to try to ignore him. But another poster was right in that I need to big DH up more to him. The guy is an imposition. He’s huge. Looming. And the parking thing almost feels like he’s pissing on my doorstep. In fact he leaves the toilet seat up and there was a bit of a puddle next to it when I came home. Could have been my son, but though he’s a toddler he still behaves better than this twat so I’m guessing it was said twat.

Get this, just as I was walking in I saw rubbish in the planter box my son and I put together and planted strawberries in. Not a huge amount. Couple of lolly wrappers. It was not there before I left. Asked my husband who said it must have been Sparky as he had given him the sweets. Who does that!

OP posts:
Tappering · 28/07/2020 11:36

Two blunt conversations here:

Firstly, with your H, when you point out that it's pretty fucking demoralising that he's more concerned about keeping his mate sweet than bothering about how it affects you.

Secondly, with twat-face:

Look, we were happy to agree to the swap of labour with you but I am getting really fed up of you constantly implying that you are doing us a massive favour, when DH has already done a boat-load of work for you. If you don't want to stick to the agreement then fine, I'll get someone else in to do the work. But if you are going to see it through then I need a firm date for it being finished as I want my house back. I won't be providing dinners any more, and I'd appreciate it if you could park more considerately because it's really annoying and inconvenient when you keep blocking me in, or parking so close that it's difficult to manoeuvre round you. There is plenty of space on the road.

forrestgreen · 28/07/2020 11:37

He's enjoying being an arse then he gets fed as a bonus.

LannieDuck · 28/07/2020 11:41

Is he half way through any jobs, or could it be interrupted and handed over to a different tradesperson?

If so, align with your DH and then end the arrangement. It's not working for you. You're fed up and he's being hugely disrespectful (parking, piss, flower box).

Original poster
anxietyaunt · 28/07/2020 11:42

He just asked my husband how much longer it’s going to be as he’s tired and wants to go home Confused

OP posts:
Tappering · 28/07/2020 11:45

He needs binning off and I'd pay someone to come in.

Cheeky arsehole thinks he can swan about like Billy big bollocks and have you running around after him.

If your H is so keen to have him there, then tell him that he can clean the fucking piss stains in the bathroom.

LightDrizzle · 28/07/2020 11:47

God this man is infuriating! He encapsulates all the traits of pig-shit thick, entitled, manspreading manhood.

Can you rip the piss out of him while simultaneously giving him a bollocking do you think?
Why? WHY?! -is your DH friends with this knobhead?
Don’t feed the fucker.

I hate him and I’ve never met him.

DancingInTheGarden · 28/07/2020 11:48

Has your DH said "I think you owe us about X hours more work... not counting the dinners you have scavenged from us"?

monkeymonkey2010 · 28/07/2020 11:49

I feel he is making power plays

Yup - and he's deliberately and blatantly taking the piss and making fools of you!

He knows your DH is a doormat and easily 'persuaded'....
He isn't keeping to the 'deal'.....he's doing a tiny bit of work but play-acting like he's doing a lot - so you're not actually 'saving' anything from this arrangement, your DH is still doing the majority of the work...and he's got you feeding him 'thankyou' meals that he invites himself to....

Your DH is a pushover and easily manipulated and coerced...and you keep enabling him.
The cost of doing 'work' for this guy will be coming out of your pocket - on top of the expense for your own 'work' cos neither of you are dealing with his pisstaking.

By the way.....his 'attention seeking' behaviour is actually rather creepy.
Why does he want so much of your attention?
Why does he choose to have uncomfortable dialogues with you only when your husband isn't around?
He knows neither of you are good at asserting yourselves and allow people to walk all over you - so he knows he can blatantly take the piss cos neither of you will challenge him.....

callmeadoctor · 28/07/2020 11:49

In the usual mums net way, you have a DH problem......................... tell him to sort it Grin Sounds to me like he is enjoying having his mate around...................

TommyShelby · 28/07/2020 11:50

I would have ripped him a new one about constantly blocking your drive tbh! Did you manage to confront him about that?

dottiedodah · 28/07/2020 12:00

Love the Hops reply! I think the old saying never mix Business and pleasure is well proven TBH. I would say thank you to him. And say its been lovely having him round for Supper(Even though it hasnt!) But you dont want him to miss out on pub/GF/ Footie whatever you can think of!Must meet up again.(Christmas is a nice long way away!)

ContessaferJones · 28/07/2020 12:01

Piss on the seat Shock he sounds like a right twat OP! Even if not intentional, it's still bloody grim. And the discarding rubbish.... Angry

Please give him hell. Don't wait for your DH to do it, YOU do it! Or I'll come do it for you because that has pissed me off Grin

Enchantmentz · 28/07/2020 12:05

Oh I couldn't tolerate that man at all op, he is pissing on your doorstep/acting like an alpha -arse- . Don't cook dinner, make tea and toast or something until he gets the hint. Frankly I would find someone else to finish the job, mate rates or free jobs aren't worth that kind of hassle.