Just sad....and drunk

[drunkmomandsad]

Mom to 4, currently home alone with 3 dc.
My family have just said no to helping us financially to move, this was our last option really. Just feel incredible sad and gutted

How drunk? And how old are your dc? Are you capable of looking after them drunk?

Oh darling. Can someone come and sit with you? That doesn't sound good.

How old are your children OP?

Dh will be home soon. I am fine looking after dc. Just feel so fed up x

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitzBernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz give it a break.

And @drunkmomandsad don’t be sad.. there’s very little information on moving buying/renting above but I can try to give some advice x

Sorry to hear you’re having a shit day. Do you have to move? Are the banks not an option?

Was it financial help or physical help you wanted? I think you can get benefit help with moving costs

So much seems much harder at the minute, doesn't it. When DH gets home, if you need to, allow yourself a one night wallow and a drink and then tomorrow, find your solution. Look after each other xxx

Are you in the UK? There are part buy, part rent schemes..? Are you very overcrowded at the moment?

Anyway, I'm sure you've thought of all the options and just want a moan.

That sounds shite.

Drink has definitely started to make me more maudlin as I've got older. I used to have a drink to cheer up, I find now if I have a drink when low I move swiftly into very gloomy and start combing Spotify for the songs I sobbed and wailed to as a teenager.

I hope your evening gets better

It is complicated. When isn't it? We dont earn enough to move., dh's fault. He works ft, but earns less than me on 20 hrs
We could have such a better life, but my m& d dont want to take the risk. Just feel sad, not happy in marriage, but DH would be of different opinion. Cant do anything as would let everyone down. Only been married a couple of years, but together 10. It is just all shit

Sounds like you have a lot on your plate just now op.

When you're a little less tipsy break your problems down. Look at them one by one. It gets so overwhelming when life is a pile of shit and you can't see a way out of it all. Looking at problems individually enables you to deal with the ones you can deal with, and make a plan for moving forward, even if its baby steps.

Sorry you're having a rough day

OP hardly seems paralytic in her responses

Tomorrow, when you're less emotional... are you unhappy in the marriage because of the money or for other reasons. One might resolve the other?
I feel for you. Money has made me very sad very often.
Do you want hugs or jokes? What would put a tiny smile on your face? Since I can't help practically. X

Realistically what would it cost you to move? Do you own the house you live in?

If you earn more can you increase your hours? And maybe DH reduce his to cover childcare?

We own the house.i sound really hard done by but I am not. Just want a better life for the kids and can't give it to them. We have 4 beds but are a 6 person family. M and d don't live close so have to stay with us when they visit

Things will change. If you stop having children, your youngest will be at school in a few years, you can work and you'll be in a better position financially. Is your home liveable?

You've got to respect your parent's decision. It probably is risky to lend you money or stand as guarantors(?) if you're struggling with money. A lot could go wrong, leaving them in a difficult position.

Maybe I'm being a little harsh, but you could try not to blame everyone around you (your dh, your parents) for your current difficulties.

It's ok to have a little drunken pity party though and start with a new head tomorrow

Try and take a step back, you own a 4 bedroom home, your children are not suffering. I agree with PPs why can't you husband reduce his hours and you increase yours as you have higher earning potential? Or consolidate them? DH did when I went back off mat leave so he has DS one day in the week, I have him one day, but we both earn a full time salary and means we only need to find childcare for three days. It's allowed DH to do a post-grad and he will get promoted because of that in October, and I haven't interrupted my progression as the higher earner. If you were completely on your arse broke I understand going to family for help, but you don't need it, you just need a plan.

When you sober up - it's not your parents' job to give you a better life. And four bedrooms for six people sounds fine.
For a tipsy CF you're getting a lot of sympathy here!

Sorry but you’re upset because your parents won’t give you money but you own a four bed house, and only work 20 hrs a week?

If you want more money why don’t you work full time and your DH work part time instead, or better yet you both work full time? Some people can only dream of what you have!

And next time your parents visit they need to stay in a hotel!

Absolutely agree with you.

OP. 6 people in a 4 bedroom is completely do-able and normal. I can't really gage from what you have written, what is actually going on here?

Are you expecting your parents to loan you money, to move to a bigger house, when they are worried you can't pay them back? By your own admission, your DH works more hrs, but earns less. Can he look for a better paid job?

4 bedrooms for 6 people is totally fine, how is that overcrowded?

Presumably you, and not your family, planned your family and house size?