Just sad....and drunk

[drunkmomandsad]

Mom to 4, currently home alone with 3 dc.
My family have just said no to helping us financially to move, this was our last option really. Just feel incredible sad and gutted

Well to be fair I can see why your parents wouldn't want to take the risk, given your circumstances, it doesn't sound like they are being cruel or anything.

Why not work out a plan to improve your own circumstances. There will be options for you, you just have to delve.

Oh right, you own a 4 bed house? I was imagining you were desperate to move because your conditions were severely overcrowded and unliveable!

I've got children , I'm renting a 3 bed house, my self employed business has gone to shit due to covid and I'm behind on rent. My sympathy for you has dried up a bit now.

Can dh retrain or skill up

FFS sober up and get a grip OP

I really thought you were going to say you were living in a tiny flat or a hostel or something.

Unless you're about to dripfeed something massive of course?

@katy1213

When you sober up - it's not your parents' job to give you a better life. And four bedrooms for six people sounds fine. For a tipsy CF you're getting a lot of sympathy here!

She is but we've all just need a moment sometimes. There's no point shouting about what's done. I wish I'd had mumsnet when we were a bit on our uppers.

DH has his own business. It doesn't earn a lot, he got offered a job 4 times his salary.
He refused. He doesn't want me working more. We are reliant on wtx
My m and d have a fair amount of money live overseas tho and don't want to take the risk. Fair enough. Just want a better life. We could have a better life, just trying to work it out x

Don't have 4 kids if you can't afford them. Why should your parents bail you out when you own a 4 bed house. Get a grip. And a coffee maybe

When depression takes hold you can't see the wood for the trees. Would depression be accurate

@drunkmomandsad

DH has his own business. It doesn't earn a lot, he got offered a job 4 times his salary. He refused. He doesn't want me working more. We are reliant on wtx My m and d have a fair amount of money live overseas tho and don't want to take the risk. Fair enough. Just want a better life. We could have a better life, just trying to work it out x

Sorry but it sounds worse the more you post!

How on earth did you have the brass neck to even ask the Bank of M&D

Come on now, grip required. For starters tell your DH to wind his bloody neck in

I'm sure you will have a better life, and I understand that it is frustrating that it won't be right now.

However, you and DH are responsible as the heads of your household to provide for your household to the best of your ability and to the lifestyle you wish to become accustomed to. You are not in extremis.

Lalamum2 BernadetteRostankowskigive it a break

Give what a break? The OP has said she is drunk with 3 kids home with her. I don't think it's unreasonable to check with her that she is ok to take care of them.

"Just cracked open the wine" - fine.
"Drunk" - are you ok?

Why did your husband refuse the job? Why doesn't he want you to work more hours? Do you want to work more hours?

I don't know, if you don't like your husband, having a 6 bedroom house isn't going to be a better life is it? You'll just be in a bigger house with him.

Why doesn't your DH want you to work more? Why did he turn down the job? Is this about him/the relationship, actually?

So you want a 6 bedroom home?

Would that give you a happier life?

OP, I have 6 kids, work full time in a shitty minimum wage job, pay out more in childcare than I actually earn and have a 4 bed council house.

I know how hard life can be, I really do.

I put up a wall in one of the rooms to give me 5 bedrooms, it cost about £400 and took a couple of weeks for me to do, but I managed, and I'm taking online courses to improve my future job situation.

There are things you can do to improve your situation, there really are.

Tomorrow is a new day.

You need to sober up and count your blessings.

You want a better life, you need to provide it. Not your mum and dad! If you were about to become homeless and they were millionaires then yes, it would be quite cruel not to step in, but you've got a reasonable standard of living if you've got a 4 bed house which you already own (you don't mention if it's mortgaged? If you feel you need to move could you get a mortgage or extend the one you have?)

If I sound harsh it's because I've been in a similar position, not for a house but wanting a better life (and having direct reliatives who could if they ever chose buy a small village of houses without it noticeably denting the bank balance), in the end we decided to graft for a few years, both worked upwards of 60-70 hours a week with small children, paid off the entire mortgage 17 years early and all other debts, suddenly our income can give us exactly the life we want without those payments there, and bonus grafting so hard for a few years massively grew my business to the point my income in non covid times is about 8x higher than it was on fewer hours. You are going to have to sacrifice something, is it the dream house and keeping your current working arrangements? The working part time? Does DH need to get a better paid job, or work more hours in his current one? Only you can decide what is most important to you.

4 kids in a 4 bed sounds plenty. You and DH in 1 room, 3 beds for 4 kids. What's the problem?

Let the OP wallow FFS. Everyone has their own problems and it's not a bloody competition of who is the hardest done by!

move into the smallest room yourselves, put oldest in next smallest room, then you have 2 bedrooms between 3 - how are you configured now? can you share a floor plan of your upstairs so we can look for idxeas?

Oh dear. Are your diamond shoes pinching a little, too?

If you earn more than him on 20 hrs can you not work more and him work less. ???

#Thoughtsandprayers