Just sad....and drunk

[drunkmomandsad]

Mom to 4, currently home alone with 3 dc.
My family have just said no to helping us financially to move, this was our last option really. Just feel incredible sad and gutted

You're very spoilt.

@Fatted

Let the OP wallow FFS. Everyone has their own problems and it's not a bloody competition of who is the hardest done by!

This

You decide to have 4 dc but want your parents to pay for your life choices when it turns out that you can’t afford the lifestyle you want? Ridiculous.

I'm concerned that you're drunk looking after three children 😢

Whats your dh actually earning in his business? Is he making minimum wage? Just above? Is it literally a Paid hobby?

You need to go full time if your earning potential is more. He can deal with childcare.

It would be a guarantor mortgage. We wouldn't need their money just have them on the mortgage with us.
DH wants to be his own boss and not be under someone. I can't work more as I pick up the kids etc

Let the Op wallow ffs well yes the Op can wallow in her pity but I can't say I'm moved to tears by her predicament.

What on earth can any one say on a public advice forum if you just want to wallow. That's more of a private thing

And yes on meds for depression and anxiety.

Put the wine down OP and read about all of the people who are being made redundant and losing their homes to give you some perspective.

Or put your least favourite up on ebay, extra income and the bedroom situation sorted.

@IloveBeefJerky

Put the wine down OP and read about all of the people who are being made redundant and losing their homes to give you some perspective.

Or put your least favourite up on ebay, extra income and the bedroom situation sorted.

BeefJerky I think her least favourite sounds to be her DH. Wonder what he'd fetch?

I wouldn’t take the financial risk either.

Have a bit of a wallow, then when you sober up you can think about actually doing something about your situation.

Do you want to stay with your husband? Why does it matter if he doesn't want you to work more? Mine would rather I didn't work at all, but the economic reality is that we can't both be retired. Some things are just tough. Choose the easiest thing to change and start from there. But do start, otherwise nothing will ever change. It feels good to be working towards improving your own life, it takes away the helplessness and hopelessness which can so easily creep in.

It's easy to fixate on one thing which would make you happy if only you had it. The house really isn't the problem here. If you aren't happy at the moment then a new house (and the debt to your parents that would go with it) wouldn't make a difference, except maybe to increase the financial pressures on you.

You aren't powerless here. You can improve your life, you just can't afford a bigger house. I do sympathise about that, (I have four children and a three bedroom house), but I really think you are looking in the wrong place for happiness.

No not making minimum wage probably about £4 an hour

You must see that your parents would be responsible for your mortgage if you hit difficulties and can't pay it? That's a massive ask, particularly during a pandemic and the biggest predicted recession most us have ever seen.
You'd be taking on something that's beyond your means.

Your DH needs to work around the kids and you need to up your hours.

And lay off the booze. It doesn’t help x

So you have a 4 bed house and your parents have refused to be guarantors on a 5 or 6 bed house?

I will be honest with the attitude your DH has I would not be going anywhere near guaranteeing a mortgage - do you get what that would involve? If you defaulted or couldnt pay they would have to pay and if they couldnt their OWN HOME would be at risk of being foreclosed and their credit report ruined.

And you are asking them to risk all of that because your DH has to be his own boss and you cant work more hours because you need to be their for the children (which your DH presumably refuses to do)

You have a real DH problem OP

It is a 7 bed, would allow them to stay including my siblings x

@drunkmomandsad

It would be a guarantor mortgage. We wouldn't need their money just have them on the mortgage with us. DH wants to be his own boss and not be under someone. I can't work more as I pick up the kids etc

Sorry, I type very slowly and missed this. Being a guarantor on your mortgage would be sheer madness, I'm glad your parents said no.

As for the rest, I think you know that you are making excuses. If you aren't willing to make sacrifices to get what you claim you want so badly, then you have no right expecting your parents to potentially become liable for your mortgage payments.

I can see why your parents don't want to do this if your DH and you have the opportunity to make things work better yourselves but refuse to.

It's shit to be stuck with a partner who is too rooted in his own self-image to make good decisions for his family as a whole. You don't have to follow along just because he says so, though.

@drunkmomandsad

It is a 7 bed, would allow them to stay including my siblings x

When you sober up, I think you'll see that you really aren't helping yourself here!

You can fix this though OP, you don't need your parents' help. Up your hours and have your DH work around the children, that's the whole actual point of having your own business. And if he's not prepared to do that, then you need a long hard look at your priorities and whether you both want the same things.

Oh, op, I think you've lost perspective a bit and perhaps fixed on this new house as an answer to your problems, but I'm not sure it would be. I would not be a guarantor for a big house mortgage later in life either, too much risk if you lost your jobs in this climate, even if you were very trustworthy and reliable ordinarily. Your children will be ok in your house- is it the schools/area you want to change?

Drink isn't the best thing when you are depressed, but you know that. Have a coffee and things will start to look different.

I’m sorry but what’s wrong with your 4 bed and who is driving this move.

Your parents are right not to do this