Calling step daughter manipulative

[Mumof2babies]

At the weekend I told my partner that step daughter was very manipulative
My partner had to work on Friday as he usually does which means my step daughter stays with me usually there is no problems but this week she decided she didnt want her dad to fo to work so decided to kick up a fuss about it. My partner said to her you knew I had to work stop being silly and he went to work
He asked me how she was so I said I was quite worried as she had refused to eat or anything so he asked her mum if she had been eating okay at home and her mum said she had so shes probably just being a pain
After my partner came back from work he took both the kids to McDonald's and surprisingly she ate it no problems
I told him when they had gone to bed that I thought she was manipulative and that she had probably done it in the hope he would come home from work
He didnt take it too well but thats exactly how I see it

Enforce.

@Mumof2babies try to start a new thread in the Step Patents section of the site. You’ll never get a fair shake here. People have their own misguided agendas.

Were both parents at home during lockdown or are they keyworkers?
I can imagine how a 9yo who had a parent at home every day is upset that it's going back to the old routine of a parent being around 1/2 days a week.

What's with all the cries of 'this poor child', because she goes to a childminder and her dad works Saturdays? That's life for thousands and thousands of children, mine included.
I don't know any children doing 7-8 at a childminder- maybe 7:30-6 tops like nursery hours. She's 9 now but my kids would have fallen asleep before I picked them up that late. I don't know any kids who only have a parent at home for the whole day once a week.

Poor little girl. I'd be manipulative too if the adults in my life had so little time for me. She's expressing stress. She did try to say why things weren't ok but she wasn't listened to. And it's still not ok with her so now she's doing this. Keep going and you'll have a child with an eating disorder. Forget what label you want to put on it. She's not ok. That's the information you need here.

I'll not saying it's your fault but you do need to get professional help for this child. And please don't call her manipulative again. She's troubled.

It's actually appalling that you have had a serious eating disorder yourself and are so unconcerned about this. Think about how the most understanding, helpful professional treated you when you needed help and channel that.

@853690525d the two concepts, being manipulative and being troubled, are not mutually exclusive. She’s likely both.

I don't refer to her differently at all

i very rarely say anything because I feel that it isn't my place to tell her off or send her to her room

Then, yes, you do. But you're not aware of it.

I write this as a step-mother who had to deal with her own unconscious biases, so I do know what I'm talking about. If you prefer the argument that I must simply be talking about myself, and not you, then by all means stay with that viewpoint - but it won't sort any of this out.

if my eldest was being a nob I'd say hes being a nob...and yes he is a nob quite often

You’d be happy if his step mum did that though?

16:37JingsMahBucket

I'm acutely aware of this. So should the OP be.

My point is, if someone needs help, you help them. If they're also manipulative, you can make conversation about that later. Having this manipulative label front and center makes a helpful, sympathetic attitude less likely and that's a bit grim.