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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To worry when 10yr DD went for an early run alone

574 replies

BelleBoyd · 27/07/2020 08:02

My DD woke me early this morning saying she was going for a run and left. She kept to our road and was back in half hour. Is this ok? Just seems unusual behaviour? She hasn’t done this before and doesn’t run usually as a sport.

OP posts:
Workerbeee · 27/07/2020 08:42

My first thought was actually keep an eye on her eating/exercise/weight - I honestly would have got up - even just to be peering out the window at her.

Original poster
BelleBoyd · 27/07/2020 08:43

It was 7am and am usually up before this time on school days. Although a bit uncomfortable feeling I have to justify that.

OP posts:
Teateaandmoretea · 27/07/2020 08:44

Rhine don’t be so utterly ridiculous. 7.30 is a perfectly normal time to get up on any day. And a 10 year old hardly requires close supervision at all times 😂😂🤷🏻‍♀️

You sound like very hard work

Yankathebear · 27/07/2020 08:44

Good for her.

Maybe chat and try to find a time that you think is more suitable. Tell her that you were worried.
She’s probably thinking that Monday morning is a good time to start a new hobby. I wouldn’t be worried if I was awake but might be if I was asleep because I wouldn’t know if she got back safely etc.

Teateaandmoretea · 27/07/2020 08:44

It was 7am and am usually up before this time on school days. Although a bit uncomfortable feeling I have to justify that.

You don’t.

Luaa · 27/07/2020 08:45

Still fast asleep at 7.30am OP, really? That’s late for most people on a weekday.

7.30 is about the earliest I ever wake up unless there's a reason to be up early.

Obviously op your dd either meeting someone or has an eating disorder 🙄

My 10 year old DD also struggles with anxiety and has an excess of energy, I encourage her to run, although she wouldn't wake me up and say she was going. If it was just in our road I'd be fine.

allthecockleshells · 27/07/2020 08:45

"Still fast asleep at 7.30am OP, really? That’s late for most people on a weekday".

🤣 since when? My kids aren't awake until after that

Yankathebear · 27/07/2020 08:46

@Rhine sometimes I sleep until ten on my days off. Shoot me.

HalfTermHalfTerm · 27/07/2020 08:47

Still fast asleep at 7.30am OP, really? That’s late for most people on a weekday.

Seems a pretty lame excuse for not getting up to see what she was doing.

And the winner for helpful comment of the morning goes to!

Maybe the OP works part time and today is a day off. Maybe she works term time only so she’s not at work at all at the moment? 7:30am is not an unreasonable time to still be asleep if you haven’t got to go to work, and she quite clearly says that she did get up and saw her running up and down the street. She just missed her leaving the house because she asked her daughter to wait a minute and she didn’t.

Camphillgirl · 27/07/2020 08:47

Something to be encouraged. Didn’t sneak out, let you know what she was doing, up at 7.30, using up surplus energy, healthy exercise.

Fast forward a couple of years..........aaargh

Teenagers. Don’t you love em.

Streamingbannersofdawn · 27/07/2020 08:49

Id just tell her that she needs to give you ten minutes warning next time. If shes only running up and down the street I wouldn't be worried. I completely understand the need just to get out and move. I normally have a very active job and the dog has been having a lot more walks lately!

I also don't think its a sign of an eating disorder in isolation.

Teateaandmoretea · 27/07/2020 08:49

@Yankathebear I’m calling social services

Regularsizedrudy · 27/07/2020 08:49

Op: is this odd?
Everyone: yes
Op: I’m leaving!

BigFatLiar · 27/07/2020 08:50

She should have asked rather than told you. If you think she's a sensible girl and trust her then why not. You have to start letting them have some freedom and running up and down the street (provided it's not busy) seems ok. You'll still be worrying about her when she's 20 that's being mum.

notheragain4 · 27/07/2020 08:53

Op you are the parent, you don't come into mumsnet to find out if it's odd, you stop your daughter, find out what's going on and intervene. Enough of the BS I was half asleep, any parent would wake up immediately if their child said they were leaving the house. You don't get dictated to by a child and I for one would not accept my nearly 10 year old deciding to leave the house for half an hour at that time in the morning.

Random789 · 27/07/2020 08:53

I'm amazed at all the criticism of your daughter here, and by th e concerns that some people have about sinister meetings etc.
You know your daughter, Belle, so if these reactions seem wide of the mark to you they probably are!
You mention anxiety. I know I often use exercise to calm anxiety, and it might well be worth asking her casually whether there were any worries that led to her decision to run.
But if anxiety is at the root of it,it may be a positive thing that she has found a constructive way of dealing with this anxiety. Many adults take years to arrive at that solution!
It might be useful to chat about using exercise positively to improve mood,. If you think it is necessary, based on your knowledlge of her, the chat could also include talking about the possibile pitfalls of becoming a bit too hung up on exercise

TheSoapyFrog · 27/07/2020 08:53

I wouldn't be too concerned. She might have suddenly got the idea in her head, or looked out the window and saw someone running and felt inspired. You say she's sporty anyway, even though she doesn't usually run, so this is a good way for her to keep active on her own.
I'd probably just ask her about it in a light way just to make sure, but I doubt there is anything sinister.
And you definitely don't have to justify the time you wake up either!

ILikeGinAndCake · 27/07/2020 08:54

She's running up and down your street I can't see the issue unless you live somewhere terrible? Our neighbour's 12 year old runs a lot, I don't think it's odd wanting to exercise at that age. You could always go with her in future if you worry about safety, take a bike if you aren't very fit. We are quite an active house so we'd be encouraging it if our children wanted to run.

liberoncolours · 27/07/2020 08:55

I agree with pp that it is likely to be life affirming in motivation, and at 10 years I used to have sudden inspirations to do things like this too! But I think you need to tell her not to do it like that again, because the fact is we live in shitty times in terms of crimes against children and it isn't safe from the point of view of accidents either. Obviously don't say it in those terms. I'd say tell her you are happy about the running inspiration but she has to make sure you are watching. Also, can you arrange to go running with her a few time a week from now? It sounds like it would do her a lot of good. Doesn't have to be at 7am. 7am isn't an optimum time for running i don't think, I think late afternoon is best?

barryfromclareisfit · 27/07/2020 08:56

My dd similar age fancied going on a run she wasn’t planning a drug deal or meeting an older man. Think some people have been reading too many silly novels

There's none so blind as those who will not see.

Put a stop to this now, OP. Find out where she got the idea. A man? An older girl? Grooming is a possibility. Also, if she took to doing this regularly, people would know and she would be very vulnerable to being picked up by a couple of people in a van.. No matter how much MNers might deny it, there are bad people out there. Better to be thought over-cautious than to give space for something unpleasant to happen to your child.

kattekitt · 27/07/2020 08:56

OP surely you’ve been up since before going to bed, that’s to ensure you’re house is clean, you’ve baked organic bread, studied, completed MN, watched your children sleep etc.

You are fully entitled to sleep and waking hours should not be dictated by a poster on MN.

I’d just have a chat to her and find out why, it’s great that she wants to be responsible for ensuring she gets some exercise. You are her mum I’m sure you would have said no if it was a dangerous thing to do. I think you’re getting a hard time here when people have no idea of your situation.

GrannyBags · 27/07/2020 09:02

I wouldn’t be concerned by the run, or the timing but I would have a chat with her about making plans in advance and not when you are half asleep. Ok, she stuck to your street and you could see her but in your drowsy state she could have said she was going round the block and it sounds as if you didn’t really have time to process things before she left. My 12 year old started doing things by himself a couple of years ago - first just out for ten minutes, then half hour etc. That’s how you build up trust.

DuckonaBike · 27/07/2020 09:03

Well it sounds as if she was going for a run. Which for a ten year old, in daylight, in a safe area, is good! No more dangerous than walking to school or local shop alone. I’m baffled as to why so many people assume she was lying.

However, you do need to get her to plan in advance where she is going, check it’s somewhere she will be safe to run alone, and ask rather than tell you. Or go with her.

Whichoneofyoudidthat · 27/07/2020 09:03

I don’t see the issue if she’s running up and down the street.

Tell her to download the Zombie Run app. My 13 year old uses it.

ginghamtablecloths · 27/07/2020 09:04

I wouldn't be happy about the early morning run OP but the trouble is that awful things can happen at any time of day if you are alone, vulnerable and in the wrong place at the wrong time and the wrong person is around. We all need to look after ourselves and a ten year old may not appreciate the possible dangers. OTOH everyday life can be full of small risks and each individual has to make their own mind up about them.