Circumcision Conversation

[curiousierandcouriser]

Don’t really have anyone to talk about this IRL so posting to get other perspectives. I’m not the most articulate in debates so sometimes have trouble getting my points across.

Anyway, in a nutshell we have a DS (school age) and are again discussing circumcision. My OH is from a culture that promotes this while I am hesitant to expose DS to the unnecessary risk and pain as I don’t see any clear benefit. My OH (quite rightly) has said that the longer we wait, the worse the recovery is and is pushing for it.

Does anyone have any resources / facts / recommended sites that we can use to help this discussion? We both love and want what’s best for our son, just have differing ideas on this topic.

@curiousierandcouriser

Just wanted to re-iterate again that I am against this and view it as mutilation. Yes I can google and have argued against it at birth, hence why it didn't happen. Its come up again so I was asking if anyone had good ideas to "beat" the culture argument.

Also, to answer an earlier poster, yes I realize how this is viewed and am prepared for some flaming (this is AIBU).

There is no culture worth mutilating a child for.

Medical reasons only.

@AgeLikeWine they are not equivalent. FGM as other have said on the thread is far worse.

To the OP I could not do this to a school aged child unless for medical reasons. (I don’t agree either with circumcising babies, but would be barbaric to do to an older child unless needed).

I am relieved to see people standing up for common sense, and not coming out with claptrap like "it's cleaner" or "it looks better" like I've seen in other places.

I would be suspicious of any American website offering advice on circumcision. The reason why circumcision became popular there was to stop boys from wanking.

It's particularly bizarre, because circumcision is the practice of religions that don't actually have that big a profile in the US. Christianity has at times banned it.

That "Cribsheet by Emily Oster" is probably useful. I'm with most people that there are no good reasons for circumcision but people who believe in it think there are so you have to address their arguments and that's what OP needs.

I would not do this to my sons unless they had a medical issue.

My husband had to have it done a few years ago because of issues he was having, sex was painful etc. It was very painful afterwards.

Agree it’s a bit late to do it. But I’m also astonished that you and DH didn’t agree this as part of your future planning....

Don't do it, it's barbaric.

My uncle died from a circumcision.

Unless it's necessary, there is always risk.

@Ericaequites

Circumcision can help protect men from STIs and AIDS. Women who are long term partners of uncircumcised men have lower rates of cervical cancer. As for lessening sensation, most men let their dick lead them around as is. Circumcision was nearly universal five decades ago. Now, many health insurers are shortsighted, and may not pay for it.

How can it protect from HIV & STIs? Surely the risks to those are more lifestyle than physical?

Whilst it's still an extremely controversial practice, IF you are going to perform circumcision on your son then it should have been done as a newborn (less than a week old). To do so now is as significant and risky a procedure as were he to have it done as an adult (i.e. he will need a general anaesthetic and a painful recovery) so there is literally no point to do this at this stage until he is an adult and able to consent to it himself.

I don’t understand how in most societies/countries today, female genital mutilation is illegal yes it’s still acceptable to mutilate a boy. Medical reasons aside of course.

I’m amazed how many people are saying he is too old because he’ll remember, it isn’t okay to harm a baby because they won’t remember.

How can it protect from HIV & STIs? Surely the risks to those are more lifestyle than physical?

There have been lots of studies into it. I don't understand either- surely the best way to prevent HIV and STIs are condoms and abstinence, but there does seem to be a link:
www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1127372/

My son had it done for medical reasons at 2 and my brother in law for medical reasons at 42. Recovery was a lot worse for my bil, he got an infection as well. He was off work for 6 weeks.

For my son I found it very horrendous, kept him well stocked up in pain meds as it looked awful. Took just over a week for him to recover fully

There was a 12/13 year old boy in the next cubicle to us waiting to have it done and he was very upset waiting for the day surgery (could hear him talking to his parents and surgeon).

I'm glad that my son had it done when younger, given my bil experience. But there is no way I'd recommend anyone agreeing to have it done for non medical reasons.

If your DH was circumcised,chances are he thinks that there's no harm in doing it, presumably because he was too young to remember the pain. But that's not to say that he didn't suffer enormous unnecessary pain. For some reason my DH was circumcised. He's Canadian. Apparently it was seen as a healthy thing to do 40 years ago. Circumcision may well have arisen/woven itself into religion because of a greater amount of infections 2000 years ago. We live in different times today with better hygiene and antibiotics. It's enormously outdated and unnecessary. I wonder if you can argue it along those lines (i.e. painful ancient treatments that we would never conceive of doing today (electric shock therapy etc).

Women who are long term partners of uncircumcised men have lower rates of cervical cancer.

I should imagine that the reason for this (if true) is most probably that women from cultures that promote circumcision probably have less far less sexual partners due to stricter social/cultural rules, therefore have had far less exposure to other viruses, rather than it being caused by a little extra skin on the end of the willy.

@Arthersleep my DH is also Canadian. Apparently it is very common over there still.

DS had a medical condition that could have required circumcision, but less Invasive treatment resolved the issue. We are not from cultures which promote circumcision.

I come from a culture where this is practised, however, my advice would be to not do it at this age and to let your son decide once he is over 18. He is far too young and will be in agony with a longer recovery time. It can wait.

Sorry posted too soon. Depending on which culture your husband is from, if it is Islamic culture, it is recommended for boys to be circumcised but NOT obligatory. Hope this helps.

My DH was circumcised for medical reasons when he was around 3 or 4, he doesn't remember it but MIL said he was in a lot of pain after the op and for quite some time. He lacks sensation as an after effect which can be frustrating for him, though obviously he knows no different to that. He says he doesn't mind it, but he wouldn't have opted to have it done if he had the choice/there was an alternative/was no need. I think that's bottom line to be honest - it's definitely best to leave it to the individual unless for an actual medical reason.

My brothers are circumcized. Couldn't exactly ask them at a week old. Hasn't caused them any lifelong trauma.

It depends on the other culture. If Jewish, I would probably accept it and go through with it. If merely being American, say, then absolutely not.

my point being that most of the posts ARE saying it’s mutilation and it should be illegal, but it’s not the same as FGM and shouldn’t be compared.

Of course it can be compared, in the same way that groping can be compared to rape. Both entirely unacceptable.

Just to address a few points:

• we are outside the UK living in a 3rd culture country (not sure what the correct term for this is)
• the circumcision would be for cultural, not religious, reasons (we are both the same religion)
• I'm sure I can veto the surgery and there is no chance of my OH going behind my back, however, I would prefer to convince my OH through discussion. Though, as most arguments that have been put forward are emotional and culturally based, I don't know if this is possible.