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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Circumcision Conversation

168 replies

curiousierandcouriser · 26/07/2020 17:18

Don’t really have anyone to talk about this IRL so posting to get other perspectives. I’m not the most articulate in debates so sometimes have trouble getting my points across.

Anyway, in a nutshell we have a DS (school age) and are again discussing circumcision. My OH is from a culture that promotes this while I am hesitant to expose DS to the unnecessary risk and pain as I don’t see any clear benefit. My OH (quite rightly) has said that the longer we wait, the worse the recovery is and is pushing for it.

Does anyone have any resources / facts / recommended sites that we can use to help this discussion? We both love and want what’s best for our son, just have differing ideas on this topic.

OP posts:
Jonoula · 26/07/2020 17:43

Isn’t Genital mutilation illegal?

SengaStrawberry · 26/07/2020 17:43

There wouldn’t be a conversation in my house. It would be a hard no unless for medical need and no debate.

custardbear · 26/07/2020 17:44

Really it's just mutilation - there's no way I'd let my child go through it

To me, culture just means they're behaving like sheep and following each other - I'd be saying not a chance

startrek90 · 26/07/2020 17:45

Unless there is a medical reason I think it would be best to leave it until your son is old enough to decide himself.

I am currently facing a similar situation with my school age ds but in his case it is a medical issue. I am agonising over it and am trying to find any other treatment or therapies to help him. This is the kind of decision you need to be 100% sure is the right one because there is no going back.

We have decided to try everything else first so we can look our son in the eye and say honestly that there was no other option to help him.

BarbedBloom · 26/07/2020 17:48

There are quite a lot of groups with men who have been circumcised and many are very angry about it. It has affected their sex lives and some have damage from it.

I really do think it should be illegal save for medical reasons.

Sootikinstew · 26/07/2020 17:50

My DH had ideas about circumcising our children.
I told him in no uncertain terms that he was having pieces of my babies hacked off for no good reason over my dead cold body.

He shut up after that.

Judethe0bscure · 26/07/2020 17:50

Does anyone have any resources / facts / recommended sites that we can use to help this discussion?

Are you unable to Google? or ask your GP?

chasingmytail4 · 26/07/2020 17:51

My son was circumcised at 5 for medical reasons, it really was the best thing for him as he was having lots of problems and repeated infections. However, it was a distressing and painful procedure, made worse by a post op infection. I definitely would not have chosen that route for him if there was any other option and absolutely not for non-medical reasons.

Zippy1510 · 26/07/2020 17:52

Leave your child’s penis alone, there is no need to start cutting parts of it off.

Helpimfalling · 26/07/2020 17:52

I feel you've already left it to late if you were going too do it

Daisychains20 · 26/07/2020 17:56

You say your husbands culture does it, which I take it mean you are a different culture from your husband correct me if I am wrong, so why should his culture trump yours?
He should respect that you do things differently and in this case leave it for your child to decide when he is old enough. If your child decides to follow dad then so be it but it’s easier for him to do that when his older, he can’t go back when he is old enough to understand and agree with you if he has already had it done.

MahaMoon · 26/07/2020 17:57

Dh comes from a country where they are circumcised within 10 days of birth. I don’t agree with it and neither of my ds’s were circumcised. Dh was fine with that. No way would I be putting a school-aged child through it. I think if you really want to do, it has to be when they’re babies.

ClaryFray · 26/07/2020 17:58

It dulls sexual pleasure and has no health benefits, it's nothing but religious bollox.

katy1213 · 26/07/2020 18:02

This is brutal. How could you even consider mutilating your child? His body - his rights. He can do whatever he wants to it when he is of age. Medical reasons aside, I can't imagine that many young men sign up for this voluntarily!

DancingInDespair · 26/07/2020 18:03

I'm in the only for medical need camp, although I can't really get too worked up over it.
How old is your son? Can he make the decision? Can your husband be persuaded to wait until he can?

DancingInDespair · 26/07/2020 18:04

@Jonoula

Isn’t Genital mutilation illegal?
Please don't compare FGM to male circumcision. It's insulting.
wildthingsinthenight · 26/07/2020 18:05

This is genital mutilation and should be illegal. It horrifies me you are even considering this

BabyDubsEverywhere · 26/07/2020 18:05

My eldest DS was circumcised the day before his second birthday. He had distal hypospadias (I think that's what it was called) and he needed it doing for medical reasons. Its was an horrendous experience. He was terrified when being put to sleep and had to be held down. He woke from the anaesthetic scared and confused, and, he was in pain after the op even on meds. The idea of putting a child through that experience for nothing is barbaric!

We are now having to look at options for DS2, now 8, as it appears he also has he same problem (minor, so it was missed as a baby, but its getting worse). We are trying every treatment going before resorting to operating on my child.

Purpleartichoke · 26/07/2020 18:06

Any doctor who would remove a school aged child’s foreskin without a compelling medical need should lose his or her license.

I think infant circumcision should be illegal. Subjecting an older child to this surgery is inconceivable.

Bemorechicken · 26/07/2020 18:06

@curiousierandcouriser

Don’t really have anyone to talk about this IRL so posting to get other perspectives. I’m not the most articulate in debates so sometimes have trouble getting my points across.

Anyway, in a nutshell we have a DS (school age) and are again discussing circumcision. My OH is from a culture that promotes this while I am hesitant to expose DS to the unnecessary risk and pain as I don’t see any clear benefit. My OH (quite rightly) has said that the longer we wait, the worse the recovery is and is pushing for it.

Does anyone have any resources / facts / recommended sites that we can use to help this discussion? We both love and want what’s best for our son, just have differing ideas on this topic.

We are Jewish. I made it 100% clear that our DS was not being done -before we married.

If FGM is so wrong and for "cultural reasons" why is MGM brushed under the carpet. Over my dead body was he being mutilated.
We used to chop off people's hands for stealing -that was "cultural" we wouldn't do it anymore.

My exes parents weren't happy but it is just tough shit. My son my choice.

pointythings · 26/07/2020 18:09

I'm in the hard no unless for medical reasons camp. There's no moral justification for it.

Stannisbaratheonsboxofmatches · 26/07/2020 18:09

No way should you do this!

I agree that unless there is medical need it should be illegal under 18.

Poliosmolio123 · 26/07/2020 18:10

Personally like others have stayed if there no medical need, why does it need to be done! In my opinion, it's the same as FGM. Why do we need to mutilate a child's body for our own personal benefit? Let him decide x

Original poster
curiousierandcouriser · 26/07/2020 18:13

Just wanted to re-iterate again that I am against this and view it as mutilation. Yes I can google and have argued against it at birth, hence why it didn't happen. Its come up again so I was asking if anyone had good ideas to "beat" the culture argument.

Also, to answer an earlier poster, yes I realize how this is viewed and am prepared for some flaming (this is AIBU).

OP posts:
Macarena1990 · 26/07/2020 18:14

My son was circumcised at a couple of weeks old for cultural reasons so obviously I'm not against it, but I think your son is too old to have it done for anything other than medical reasons now. My partner was done by a religious doctor when he was 5 and remembers the pain vividly.