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Original poster

Circumcision Conversation

168 replies

curiousierandcouriser · 26/07/2020 17:18

Don’t really have anyone to talk about this IRL so posting to get other perspectives. I’m not the most articulate in debates so sometimes have trouble getting my points across.

Anyway, in a nutshell we have a DS (school age) and are again discussing circumcision. My OH is from a culture that promotes this while I am hesitant to expose DS to the unnecessary risk and pain as I don’t see any clear benefit. My OH (quite rightly) has said that the longer we wait, the worse the recovery is and is pushing for it.

Does anyone have any resources / facts / recommended sites that we can use to help this discussion? We both love and want what’s best for our son, just have differing ideas on this topic.

OP posts:
Bluepolkadots42 · 26/07/2020 18:17

Like FGM it should be illegal unless there's a medical need. Barbaric.

FatherBrownsBicycle · 26/07/2020 18:17

DH was circumcised as a teen for medical reasons. The recovery was horrific. Just because a baby wouldn’t remember the procedure doesn’t make it right to inflict that kind of pain in them.

www.independent.co.uk/voices/male-circumcision-fgm-baby-child-abuse-body-rights-medical-hygiene-a9011896.html

dontforgetbilly · 26/07/2020 18:18

This ^^

Language matters, female genital mutilation is widely used over female circumcision to highlight that the procedures are just not comparable.

Thinking circumcision is wrong is a valid opinion, but please don't hijack the female term

AgeLikeWine · 26/07/2020 18:20

Male genital mutilation is exactly the same as female genital mutilation. Both involve cutting off pieces of the genitalia of children who cannot consent to the procedure. Both are barbaric, unnecessary outdated and harmful. Both should be banned in a civilised society.

Yet only one form of child genital mutilation is banned. If this is not a form of sex discrimination, what is it? As a society need to ask ourselves why this is, and why we are pandering to those who want to mutilate defenceless children.

keepingbees · 26/07/2020 18:21

If you view it as mutilation, which it is, then you say no I'm not mutilating my child and that it. You don't need anyone else's opinion on it. He's your son, you say no.
Your DH has absolutely no valid argument 'for' this apart from medical reasons.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 26/07/2020 18:21

My DS was circumscribed age 6 for medical reasons after trying every other route we could. It was a difficult, painful procedure and the recovery was tricky. I still hate that we had to get it done and couldn't live with myself if we'd done it cos 'culture'.

Beeorwasp · 26/07/2020 18:22

No chuffing way at all!!!! It’s akin to abuse! Why oh why would you put your child through that unless there is a medical need (and even then I believe it’s very rare). Stand up for your son, please.

Kaiserin · 26/07/2020 18:23

I see it as child abuse.
Traditional child abuse is still child abuse.
I don't believe a child can give informed consent to this.

pinkmagic1 · 26/07/2020 18:24

I would leave it now. If you were going to do it, it should have been done years ago. It will be embarrassing and distressing for him now.

jackstini · 26/07/2020 18:27

@AgeLikeWine - I wouldn't say it is exactly the same

Both are awful, but FGM completely takes away the ability for clitoral orgasm, is never opted into out of choice and has no medical benefits

Circumcision is (very rarely) necessary for medical reasons (should never be done without those reasons IMO) and is sometimes chose, but does not prevent orgasm in men

I don't think it it right or fair to say they are the same

Jimdandy · 26/07/2020 18:27

I don’t believe in genital mutilation so it’s a no from me.

There are no proven benefits.

HTH.

Gobbycop · 26/07/2020 18:29

I couldn't be any more against this.

You're basically considering cutting off a part of your child's body because of a fucking religion/culture.

It should be made illegal.

gamerchick · 26/07/2020 18:29

Imo the one who doesn't gets to veto the one who does. Like having kids.

Campingintheraintoday · 26/07/2020 18:30

Imo you need to love your ds 100 %.. Foreskin included.

Couchbettato · 26/07/2020 18:32

Don't do it. Just because it's cultural doesn't mean the reason is good enough to warrant it.

Circumcising the penis causes keratinisation of the glans, which makes it permanantly lose sensitivity.

The foreskin isn't dirty. It's a natural barrier between the glans and the outside world.

Should infections occur, they can be treated with antibiotics.

Should recurrent infection occur, circumcision should only be offered by a medical professional in the urology field.

Body modifications should be consented to by the person who's body it is being done to, and should only be done by adults, otherwise it's unnecessary mutilation of someone else's body.

It's like saying you culturally chop your son's earlobes off because they serve no purpose and it's a thousand year old tradition. It's just not needed is it?

MrsPeacockDidIt · 26/07/2020 18:33

My son had to have a medical one performed when he was 4 years old and it was awful. I wish so much they’d realised the issue when he was much young. He still remembers getting it done and it was traumatic for me and DH too.

I don’t particularly have an issue with religious Circumcisions Done very early but because I’ve seen an older child go through it I really would only do this for medical reasons.

Bargainhuntbore · 26/07/2020 18:34

Its wrong on all level. Its abuse. Don't do it for the sake of a belief and religion. Barbaric.

dontforgetbilly · 26/07/2020 18:34

I don't agree with circumcision, but in certain circumstances it can be a beneficial medical procedure. This is never the case for fgm.
Campaign for circumcision to be illegal by all means but separately from fgm

hamandcheesesandwichplease · 26/07/2020 18:35

My husband is half Middle Eastern and was circumcised. He had no strong feelings either way.
We briefly pondered it before our son was born but the minute I saw him I knew I could never inflict unnecessary pain on him. He was perfect the way he was, no need to alter parts of him.

TibetanTerrier · 26/07/2020 18:37

@curiousierandcouriser
....I was asking if anyone had good ideas to "beat" the culture argument.

There is no culture argument. Civilised societies discard primitive cultural practises as they evolve. The fact that something has always been done does not in any way justify it continuing in a civilised society or culture. Would your DH support the reintroduction of slavery?

Casschops · 26/07/2020 18:38

My cousin had it done at ten for medical reasons, the poor lad couldn't urinate. I remember him saying it was agony. I can't imagine mutilating my son's penis for no reason. I think you need to protect your son. Its bad enough having it done as a baby but as a more grown up boy? If this was a girl we were talking about it would quite rightly be illegal can't believe it isn't. Im not a violent person but this could easily drive me to it.

millymoo1202 · 26/07/2020 18:38

My son had it done at about age 10 due to a severe medical condition, couldn’t pee! It was definitely painful for him and not pretty! There’s no way I’d be letting this happen unless absolutely necessary

lachy · 26/07/2020 18:39

@curiousierandcouriser

Don’t really have anyone to talk about this IRL so posting to get other perspectives. I’m not the most articulate in debates so sometimes have trouble getting my points across.

Anyway, in a nutshell we have a DS (school age) and are again discussing circumcision. My OH is from a culture that promotes this while I am hesitant to expose DS to the unnecessary risk and pain as I don’t see any clear benefit. My OH (quite rightly) has said that the longer we wait, the worse the recovery is and is pushing for it.

Does anyone have any resources / facts / recommended sites that we can use to help this discussion? We both love and want what’s best for our son, just have differing ideas on this topic.

Your DH is pushing for this to be done? Ask him to explain the benefits that your son will have as a result of this procedure. During this explanation he cannot mention religion or culture or belief.

You said in your OP that you both love your son, and want what's best for him. How is cutting off part of his penis best for him? It isn't. If, when he has the capacity to make the decision for himself, he decides to undergo circumcision that is his perogative. His body, his choice.

SerBrienneOfHouseTarth · 26/07/2020 18:41

Haven't RTFT so apologies if this has been said before but there is a section in the book Cribsheet by Emily Oster that looks at the evidence for and against circumcision and includes consideration of religious/cultural reasons. It might help you and DH to look at it from an impartial perspective. The book is excellent so worth a read anyway for the other content.

ifhedoesntlikeithecanstuffit · 26/07/2020 18:41

DH had a condition which caused him pain and problems in later life, and he had to be circumcised. His nephew had the same. The problem is recognisable beforehand so when DS was born we asked for him to be circumcised to avoid problems in later life, but they won't do it.

He has been seen by doctors a number of times and was given exercises to correct the issue, but I'm not convinced it's solved the problem forever. Doctors say he's fine and he won't be seen again - he's now 12. I am sure he will have problems in later life - but if offered preventative surgery now I would refuse as he is old enough to choose, and he's really (understandably) not keen!

I would have done it as a baby - but now I wouldn't dream of it. Agree with PPs - when he's an adult and can choose then it will be up to him. Unless for health reasons (or very orthodox religious reasons) I can't imagine why he would.