Circumcision Conversation

[curiousierandcouriser]

Don’t really have anyone to talk about this IRL so posting to get other perspectives. I’m not the most articulate in debates so sometimes have trouble getting my points across.

Anyway, in a nutshell we have a DS (school age) and are again discussing circumcision. My OH is from a culture that promotes this while I am hesitant to expose DS to the unnecessary risk and pain as I don’t see any clear benefit. My OH (quite rightly) has said that the longer we wait, the worse the recovery is and is pushing for it.

Does anyone have any resources / facts / recommended sites that we can use to help this discussion? We both love and want what’s best for our son, just have differing ideas on this topic.

@AgeLikeWine

Male genital mutilation is exactly the same as female genital mutilation. Both involve cutting off pieces of the genitalia of children who cannot consent to the procedure. Both are barbaric, unnecessary outdated and harmful. Both should be banned in a civilised society.

Yet only one form of child genital mutilation is banned. If this is not a form of sex discrimination, what is it? As a society need to ask ourselves why this is, and why we are pandering to those who want to mutilate defenceless children.

They are not exactly the same at all. FGM makes it very painful or even deadly to have sex or give birth. It massively increases the risk of infection. It takes away sexual pleasure and has no benefit whatsoever. It's done to control women and girls.

Male circ - whatever you think of it being done as a religious rite- poses very little risk if done in a medical setting, has some slight benefits in some cases, and generally there are no ongoing effects into adulthood.

@Yellownotblue

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5296634/

You are about to be called a potential child abuser and a mutilator by a lot of posters.

Mn is not a good place to get advice on circumcision.

That article says that 50 % of males will experience a medical condition associated with their penis. However in Sweden (where male circumcision is illegal unless for medical reasons) less than 2% of boys are circumcised. Why would you circumcise all boys when over 98% won't need the procedure? Most medical issues can be treated in less invasive ways. Except of course it is a very nice earner for paediatricians in the US.

As I said above, I'm in the "only for medical need" camp, I am not defending male circumcision. I am only objecting to it being compared to FGM.

Dh and I discussed it for ds. Not for cultural reasons, but because several members of DHs family have needed it for medical reasons. Ultimately we decided to let nature take its course so to speak. I have a few friends who have had their ds circumcised for cultural reasons, and a couple who have one ds circumcised but the other not because somethings has happened that took more importance. Neither of these families, or our friends who did it culturally have ever felt it's appropriate to do this later on. I'd argue that if you haven't done it by now then you really shouldn't.

It's genital mutilation don't do it

Luckily, both DH and I are on the same page about this. Cutting off a piece of our child would have to be done over our dead bodies. Zero reason to do it and I don’t give a shit what culture or religion says. Leave your child in one piece!

It wouldn’t even be a discussion for me. It would be an absolute no and I would probably view my husband differently if he pushed for it.

My dh was circumcised just because it was a family tradition, they were Cof E, so not for religious reasons, dh was embarrased as a child when changing for swimming at school. I have 4 sons and FIL did ask if i was going to get them circumcised, i told him that i though it was a barbaric practice and he never mentioned it again.

We both love and want what’s best for our son

So YOU don’t let it happen and you PROTECT HIM.

Your husband doesn’t want what’s right for him if he forces it to happen.

It’s not yours or your husbands body.

To beat the culture argument - lots of things that are barbaric are or were also cultural. Culture isn't an excuse for cutting bits off children. Foot binding, FGM, etc

We both love and want what’s best for our son

No. Only YOU want what’s best for your son. Not your DH. He is putting his culture BEFORE your son.

Did you and dh discuss this at all before? Surely something like this should have been talked about beforehand.

Absolute no. Mutilating your child should not even be up for discussion.

DH is circumcised. It was done for medical reasons when he was a baby. It doesn't seem to affect him in any way in adulthood.

Having said that, I don't condone circumcision for any other reason, particularly not in a school age child.

A fair few circumcised men have issues later in life, such as desensitivity, tightness, scarring or deformity. There's also a risk in the procedure itself with the worst outcomes being death or loss of the penis.

Why risk that for your precious child for culture or religion?

If it is being done it should be done as a newborn, except for medical reasons, no Dr should do it at school age for non medical reasons, please do not have it done by community relegious leaders

What is the culture for it? Why does your dh's culture think circumcision is the best way to go? Why does this flap of skin play such an important part? What other part of skin would they consider cutting off in the name of culture/religion?

@SerBrienneOfHouseTarth

Haven't RTFT so apologies if this has been said before but there is a section in the book Cribsheet by Emily Oster that looks at the evidence for and against circumcision and includes consideration of religious/cultural reasons. It might help you and DH to look at it from an impartial perspective. The book is excellent so worth a read anyway for the other content.

Thank you for the recommendation - I'll take a look at it.

Friend of mine recently had her 4yo circumsised for medical reasons. Hardest part was the 2 weeks afterwards when he wasn't allowed to move at all, just had to lie on the sofa so I guess not to disturb the wound/ healing process. He found it so distressing and stopped sleeping at night because he was doing nothing during the day.

that looks at the evidence for and against circumcision

SerBrienneOfHouseTarth There is no for circumcision unless there is a medical need.

Religious/cultural “reasons” are bullshit and are not acceptable to be used as an excuse to mutilate your child.

There's just no need though, is there?
I mean, it’s bad enough taking your baby for vaccinations, holding them while a nurse sticks a needle in their leg, but that’s a brief pain and the good outweighs the pain. I can’t understand why you’d put your child through a painful medical procedure that has literally no benefit.

My DF was circumcised after he was born in a US army hospital. We're not from a culture that practices it. He hates the fact it was done and calls it child abuse.

Absofuckinglutely not.

My son's father is Arabic and was subjected to circumcision. He hates the fact this was done to him.

It's not okay to cut off parts of your child.

Sorry - realized I missed @Yellownotblue 's article. Thank you for posting it.

Also, thank you to everyone for providing their thoughts - I don't feel like I can really talk about this with others around me. I don't like arguments and wonder whether I'm being unreasonable at times.

I understand it is sometimes done for cultural reasons, but that is not enough of a justification IMO. Let your son decide what to do with his own body when he gets old enough.

If it's because of religion do it when a baby (still think its evil). Doing it for a school age child is barbaric, obviously unless for medical reasons.