To think that MN has become unspeakably horrible lately

[wanderings]

Yes, I know there's a pandemic on, don't we all. But in the last week or two, Mumsnet has become truly vile, it feels worse that it was at the start of lockdown. There have been threads where people have really piled on the OP, where really vile comments were allowed to stand for a long time. People have started so many "holier than thou" threads which look as if they want a bunfight. Don't tell me it's "robust debate": there has been a lot of blatant cruelty going on, with people kicking the OP when she is down.

And perhaps also it should change its name from "Mumsnet" to "Masknet". Every other thread is about the bloody masks. It's bad enough having the reality of them, without having to talk about them all the time. Could they be quarantined in the Coronavirus topic where they belong?

Mumsnet used to be a place to come to for escapism, and light reading; it makes you long for the threads about loo brushes and shoes off in the house. There's also been a real drought of fun threads, such as nostalgia ones. I've tried starting some of my own in the last couple of weeks, which have only had a few replies.

I would have ended this with "flame away", but that would make it look as if I was looking for a bunfight.

Same as ever from what I've seen. If you avoid mask and feminism threads.

Just read an amazing one where the OP was supported to stand up to some really out of order treatment and has made some really significant and positive changes.

I semi agree but rather than pile on... let’s talk about Sun Lolly... why are those glorious pyramid shaped lollies only sold in Denmark now?

Oh I love a sun lolly 🌞

I agree, there’s been progressively more threads mentioned in the op and fewer fun, chatty threads.
I know it may be a bit of a cliche but I still blame penis beaker.
I know Jeffery didn’t help either.

MN has always been the same. Ten years ago when I first joined we had these kind of threads (isn't MN nasty?) and they've always continued.

It definitely was insanely vicious at the start of lockdown but seems nornal levels of nastiness now.

Agree with you about the mask threads. The biggest complaint I have about MN is the tedious repetition and I think MNHQ should delete repetitious threads.

It's been particularly bad during CV. I counted 21 Dominic Cummings threads about Barnard Castle etc at one point and gave up trying to count 'schools going back' threads and we've had daily 'am I the only person following the rules?' threads for 4 months now.

Lazy or arrogant. Or both.

Op, can you link to some of your ...dare I say ...lighthearted threads.
It would be nice to have a chat.

Agreed. The whole point of AIBU threads is to see if you’re being blinkered and unreasonable and get an outsiders opinion but instead of helpful replies there’s just snide remarks and posters piling on to say how mean, goady or selfish etc. the poster is! Is this how people are in RL?? I’ve enjoyed using Mumsnet for a long time but recently it does feel different.

I think it’s just representative of the country as a whole.
A lot of people aren’t feeling all that fun atm. And a lot of people are struggling mentally, which can come out as aggressive/depressive/ anxious behaviour.

Coronavirus is having a huge influence on most people’s lives, it’s a dominating factor in many peoples’, so it’s natural there’s a lot of threads about it.

As shitty as it may be to see, I actually think it’s pretty cool to see Mumsnet being representative of societal shifts; a microcosm of the country.

Join Facebook groups for more lighthearted stuff?
I'm on a couple of walks in snowdonia/wildlife/baking groups that are quite distracting.
MN is just following the mood of the country I guess.

If a thread gets unpleasant, just leave it, the longer people pile in and argue it just prolongs the arguments and enables 'bullying'. I've used Mumsnet nearly 20 years, there has always been the occasional very robust discussion but generally I find it supportive but also useful to challenge people's views rather than being all sugary and not pointing out when there is a different point of view.

The mask threads are ridiculous though! And yes I am fed up of the same threads and questions being posted over and over again. And (but this has been the case for 10 or more years) that HQ are so shoulder-shruggy about organising the boards/moving threads/asking people to use the appropriate topics.

OP, why not avoid the AIBU board, which has always attracted trolls, pile ons and bun fights, and stick to areas like feminism, where we have intelligent, witty and thoughtful discussions on subjects of crucial importance to women, or the relationships advice board, where OPs are given tremendous support and help to leave abusive partners, or the various pets and gardening areas, which are a mix of good advice and friendly chat?
Mumsnet is not homogeneous, you can pick and choose areas. Or as you say, start some light hearted threads yourself. See if the legendary “Thighs” can be persuaded to start one of their hilarious and totally bonkers threads - we haven’t heard from them for a while!

Mumsnet HQ will never truly sort out AIBU in some of the ways posters have wisely suggested above, because AIBU probably helps bring in well over half of their ad revenue in terms of clicks and eyeballs and stuff. The more "robust" and controversial it is, the more people come flocking to have their own go at giving an OP a kicking.

Speaking of which, what's really depressing on here at the moment are the semi professional carpers who look at an OP's post and instead of actually discussing their dilemna, give them abuse about their choice of language or misspelling. One Australian dared to use the word "bubba" and the horde of jolly hockey sticks wannabes who couldn't wait to show her how much of an outsider she was for using that word... no discussion of her crisis, nothing.

I am hiding all the masks threads now.

I saw few people trying to start jokey threads and they were shut down pretty quickly.

I have instagram as a escape to a nice lala land😁

I agree, for some people this topic seems to be a race for who can say "YABU" the quickest followed by a ludicrous comment. I've just come from a thread with 96% voting YANBU but with the majority of the first page commenting YABU. It doesn't add up. It's just people who want to make the OP feel miserable rather than contributing anything of value.

I think it’s just representative of the country as a whole. ie. over-represented by a lot of nasty cunts with a backward-looking, anti-social island mentality

A lot of people aren’t feeling all that fun atm. And a lot of people are struggling mentally, which can come out as aggressive/depressive/ anxious behaviour. Poor them. But no excuse for piling on other people and making them feel like shit too.

As shitty as it may be to see, I actually think it’s pretty cool to see Mumsnet being representative of societal shifts; a microcosm of the country. If by cool you mean hopelessly depressing and scary and racing towards a social, political and economic cliff edge...

I don’t know, there are lots of supportive threads. Great one in the last day or so with a poster with PND being very honest and receiving lots of supportive advice. Then again, there are other threads where the OP can come across as a bit of a dick and people won’t hesitate to point it out, esp in AIBU - OP: AIBU, Everyone: YABVU, OP: no, I’m right and you will not change my mind, Everyone: so why bother posting and now you have confirmed you are an even bigger dick than initially thought.

I don't agree mumsnet is representative of actual society out there, nor it is representative of the country. There is vast over representation of certain things here compare to "in real life" and that skewes the opinions here. I realised it, especially lately.

Agree with you about the mask threads. The biggest complaint I have about MN is the tedious repetition and I think MNHQ should delete repetitious threads.

Like the endless variations on ‘Why is MN so nasty? ’

I've always found Mumsnet attracted some very nasty, judgemental people (and some lovely, caring people too). I don't recognise your good old days. Maybe the nastiness was just not on your radar?

YABU

only because you can find similar threads like yours every couple of months for the last decade at least.

Masks threads might get ugly today, it was something else previously.
At one point, some banned posters even started a famous reddit thread to keep venting against posters they disliked and disagree with, all in the name of "troll hunting".

There's always venom and bitterness from SOME posters. It's just the subjects that change. The ones guaranteed to attract a nasty fight are about laundry and shoes on/off. It never fails

Nope. In the 15 years I've been on it, it's always been a "nest of vipers". Worse since the AIBU topic was added.

Just hide AIBU as that's where you find the worst of the nastiness.

I became interested in the feminist boards but then realised they were quite anti lefties and big supporters of the Daily Mail and promoting what was affectionately referred to as "The Speccie" (Spectator) which is owned by the same brothers as the Telegraph. Totally put me off and haven't been back. I'll doubtless be berated for not being open to different opinions but my parents get the Telegraph and got the DM in the past so I've plenty of experience of them and i find them hateful papers. I won't be returning.
Fat basher threads i hide.

I just hide the thread now. There's lots of wilful misinterpretation, I think, just so someone can have a pop at someone else.
I've just read the drunk driving thread and most have decided that the OP's partner was over the limit, been very unpleasant and she hasn't been back to the thread.
There's also some lovely, supportive threads.
I had three years off MN some years ago after a couple of old, prolific posters got together and were horrendous to me for disagreeing with them. The seemed to absolutely hate me.
I realised I'd wasted a beautiful summer evening arguing with people who just loathed me and my difference of opinion with my heart racing for no good reason. Totally irrational and since I've been back, I will hide stuff rather than get too far into it as it's not helping me or an OP by derailing.
I must say, on the other side of the coin, there aren't as many belly laughs and recents in hilarious weirdness.
I miss BupcakesandCunting, but I think she was hounded off too a few years back.
Hide nasty stuff, enjoy the good stuff and don't get too into it.
If someone doesn't like you, arguing with them or explaining yourself is just a waste of time.